Forget me Not
by MelodyMannix
Summary: Louise Theodora Taylor has been hunting for most of her life. She was practically raised by Bobby Singer. Now at 21 years old she is hunting with the Winchester brothers. Unfortunately, she doesn't remember any of this. After a hunt gone wrong she woke up with amnesia. Now she has to follow how she feels and try to piece her life back together. Season 8.
1. Chapter 1

I rolled onto my left side and mumbled about a few more minutes of sleep. I heard a booming voice yell something about nurses and doctors and thought that…. I couldn't quite place who had left the tv on. I slowly opened my eyes to see white walls and people in blue clothes and white coats. Doctors. Nurses. I was in a hospital.

Suddenly hands were all over me. I couldn't stand it. I tried to shove them off. Someone told me to stay calm. Someone said to stop struggling. Too many people, too many voices, too many hands. It was all so very suffocating. Warmth flooded me and I knew what that meant. I was being sedated.

After a few quick to slow heartbeats people were still touching me but I didn't care much. Things were… fuzzy… and warm. I was floating but also under a thousand blankets. Someone looked at me. Doctor probably. Asked me something. I couldn't figure it out. Then they all left. There was a dark spot in the light. He was all reds and greens and blacks. He was big and small and everywhere. I think I giggled but it didn't feel like me. Then I heard something deep and daring and strong and rough. Then there was blackness.

I opened my eyes to see that no, it wasn't a dream. There was a nice looking man with small hands in blue clothes hovering over me. "Hello little lady." He sing songed a little as he talked. "I'm just going to go call the doctor and she will tell you everything that is going ok?" He didn't wait for my reply as he stepped out of the room. A few minutes later a small older woman walked in. She was in her 40s maybe and starting to grey. I shifted uncomfortably in the paper gown I was wearing.

She stopped at the end of the bed and picked up a chipboard that she didn't even look at. "Hello, I'm Doctor Ragan. Can you tell me your name?" I nearly laughed until I realized something. I didn't know what my name was. I shook my head tears in my eyes. I could see concern on Doctor Ragan's face. She tried to hide it. "Can you tell me what you do remember?" I nodded.

"I know that this is a hospital. I don't know why I'm here though but I am guessing it's not good." I could feel my voice catch, my throat burning. I could feel tears falling on my cheeks. "I'm a girl. I think I'm older maybe. Right?" I asked. I didn't wait for an answer. "I remember a house with cars everywhere. Books and doors and phones. I remember a man who, I loved him I think. He was short and in a wheelchair, no he wasn't. What's happening to me?"

Doctor Ragan just looked at me. After a moment she sighed. "You hit your head. There was a young man who brought you in. He can probably explain better than I can, but it looks to us that you have amnesia. You have fragments of memories so that is promising. We are hopeful that with the proper stimulation your memories will resurface." She started to walked out.

"What happens if they don't?" I asked suddenly.

"Then you will make new ones. Everyone has emotions attached to their memories. Those don't go away. Until the memories come back, just trust your emotions." With that she walked out. I layed there, wondering things about my life. I tried to remember family or friends. I tried to remember anything. Small images popped up every once and a while but none of them made sense.

A few minutes later two very tall, well built men walked in. One had hair that nearly hit his shoulders. One had a leather jacket. The color green popped into my head along with a car with seats that seemed like couches. The one with long hair was taller than the one in the leather jacket. He spoke first.

His voice was soft and sweet as he tentatively said, "Hey. We just talked to your doctors and Doctor Ragan, well she took really great care of you but she said that you were having trouble remembering things." I nodded. He nodded with me, looking at the leather jacket wearing guy. He seemed angry. "I'm guessing you don't remember us then?" He seemed hopeful. I shook my head.

"Maybe we could get Cas down here, see if he can fix her." The angry leather jacket wearing man said. His voice was like gravel on glass.

"Is Cas another doctor?" I asked. They whipped their heads towards me.

"Kind of." The long haired one said. "We can fill in all the blanks if you want, but we kinda want to get you home first."

"I live with you guys?" The taller one nodded. I nodded as well.

"Ok good. My name is Sam by the way and this is my brother Dean." I nodded.

"What's my name?" I asked tentatively.

"Louise Isadora Taylor. We call you Lou though." It was the shorter angry one, Dean, who had answered.

"Isadora?" I asked skeptical. Who would do that to a child? He just nodded.

"Sammy, go get her checked out with the doc and I'll stay here." Dean said to Sam. The taller brother just nodded and walked out of the room. Dean stuffed his hands in his pockets and stood there for a moment. I was about to ask him something when he spoke up. "I'm going to go see what is taking so long." He stormed out of the room.

I looked down at myself in the sad little paper gown. I wondered what exactly landed me in the hospital or if I had just fallen in the shower or something and hit my head and now I was there. I looked at my right arm, with a few tubes sticking out of it. I pulled them out one by one sucking in a sharp breath with each.

I moved to my knees, shaking under my weight, to find the clipboard at the end of my bed. I read what it said. I couldn't figure out what any of it was saying but there was a picture of a woman. Her head was highlighted as well as her left side and her right foot. I pulled at my paper gown to see my left side, the movement hurt a little but I ignored it. I ripped open the gown and saw a bandage around my middle covering another bandage. I rocked back to lay down and pushed the covers off me to see my right foot. It was still there thankfully. But it was in bandages. I was starting to feel like a mummy. I put the clipboard on the bed and swing my legs over the side, grunting with the effort. I placed my feet on the tile floor only to pull them back up, shocked by the cold. I tried again only to find that when I tried to stand, my right foot screamed in protest. I also yelled in protest but only for a split second.

I picked my right foot off the floor and hopped or shuffled might have been a better word, towards the door. I gripped the wall and some chairs to get to the closed door. I pushed on the heavy wooden door. It took too much effort to actually get it open, but then there was no weight but my body was still pushing. As the door flung itself open I flung through it and nearly face planted the floor when hands caught me. I cried in pain. The hands gripped me under my arms and hauled me up. I placed my hands on their chest. Sam. He had dropped something on the floor while trying to keep me from falling.

"What the hell happened?" Dean yelled from down the hall. He held a cup in his hand and was making his way down the hall.

"Lou fell when I opened the door." Sam explained.

"Why is she even out of bed?" He nearly yelled. "Son of a bitch, I told you to stay put!" He yelled at. I felt like crying again.

"But you didn't and I just, I didn't, I…" I couldn't find the right words.

"Dean, come on man, lay off her." Sam said. He still held me. I looked up, up, up at him. Man he was tall.

"Lou… Just get her back inside." Dean seemed so angry all the time. I wished I could remember what I did that made him so angry. Sam guided her inside the room carefully. I eventually sat back down on the bed. I hung my head casting my eyes down. I didn't know how to talk to these people. I felt like I knew them, that I liked them, but other than that, there was nothing but small pictures. A bag was placed on the bed next to me, it was the same bag that Sam had dropped. It had clothes in it and a phone and a knife. I looked at them confused.

"These are the things on you when you were brought in." Sam explained. I nodded.

"Are we family?" I asked suddenly. Sam looked at Dean.

"Yes and no. We aren't related but family, at least for us, is more than just blood." I felt myself shrink with every word he uttered, not because of what he was saying, but because he scared me. "Look Lou, I'm sorry for snapping earlier." He said, bending at his knees and sitting on his heels so that he looked up at my face. "It's just, you gave us a huge scare Sunshine. I was just scared." I nodded at him. Words where hard for me. Everything was scary for me but I wasn't yelling at people.

"Do I get to leave?" I asked, looking at Sam. I felt Dean stand back up to his full height.

"Yeah, the doctor said that whenever you're ready that we can take you home." I smiled at him. I could feel my lips strain from stretching them into a crooked smile. "Oh and I got you some new clothes since the ones in here," he held up the bag, "are a little ripped and um covered in blood."

I didn't know how to react to that. How did normal people with memories react to a statement like that? I nodded for what felt like the millionth time making me feel like a broken bobblehead. I took the new clothes he extended towards me which were just grey sweatpants and a t-shirt with the hospital logo on it. I hesitated for a second then started to get up to go change in the bathroom.

Dean stepped in stopping me from moving any further off the bed. He grabbed the clothes from my hands, putting the shirt on the bed next to me on top of the discarded clipboard. He started to put my feet into the sweatpants as if I were incapable of doing it myself. I bent down to do it myself when a sharp pain in my left side made me stop. "Yeah stop trying to do everything and just accept the help Sunshine." Dean quipped.

"Sorry." I mumbled out. He gazed at me as he got the pants to my thighs.

"I think you can take it from here." He said, moving away from me so fast I would have though I burned him or something. I tugged at the pants resigning myself to lying back on the bed to get them settled on my hips. I huffed as I sat back up, reaching behind me to untie the paper hospital gown. Both men turned away as I started working on the knots. Their backs where to me when I removed the gown completely, leaving my chest bare to the elements. I grabbed the t-shirt and pulled it over my head.

I sighed, "You guys can turn around now." They both turned to look at me, the light from the window shining through to illuminate them. I could finally see, Dean's eyes. That was the green I was thinking about.

"Alright, you," Dean pointed at me, "stay put. I'm going to go get a wheelchair because there is no way in hell I'm letting you walk on that foot." As he stormed out of the room I looked at Sam.

"Is he always this intense?" I asked unsure of the relationship I shared with the men. Sam looked at me with eyes I could only describe as puppy dog esc.

"I mean, yeah kind of." Sam rubbed the back of his neck. "The thing is, what we do, the life we live…" He trailed off. "Look Lou, this is really something we have to talk about when we get home. We're a little far so it's going to be quite a car ride." He looked like he wanted to be done talking.

I tried to push as gently as I could. "How did I get hurt?" I thought it was a simple question but the look on the tall man's face told me the answer was complicated.

"You got hurt on the job." That was all he was willing to divulge. I didn't know much but I did know that I didn't like being lied to and a half truth is a whole lie. I didn't say anything.

Soon Dean came back in with a wheelchair and when I tried to stand he fixed me with a look that told me if I tried I would regret it. He lifted me up holding me by my back and behind my knees so that he could place me in the chair.

"You do realize I can do things on my own, right?" I asked irritated with the events of the day.

"You realize that I don't care?" He asked with a sharp tone that made me feel even more like a child. I let them wheel me outside to a sleek looking black car. My first thought was that I wanted to drive her. My second thought was that I would never drive her. I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the window of the car. A flash of blonde, and eyes that looked very sunken in. I looked away. I didn't recognize the girl that stared back at me.

I went to stand only to have a heavy hand press on my shoulder. I yelped in pain and the hand disappeared. My view of the car of obstructed by the view of Dean kneeling in front of me. "Sunshine! Are you good? What happened?"

I shook my head, there was so much concern in his green eyes. It was so confusing. "I'm fine. It's um, it's just my side." My hand went to the bandages I knew were under the shirt I was wearing. He put his hands on my arms and my eyes flew to his hands then back to the green of his eyes. "I have a um question Dean," I tested his name. It felt both foreign and comfortable. He stood then, his hands leaving my arms.

"Lou, look we have to go home. Sammy get her in the car." Dean stormed to the driver's side of the car and slammed the door as he got in. I flinched at the sound. I craned my neck to look up at Sam who was behind the wheelchair. He looked down at me with a pitying look that I didn't really like.

"If you open the door I can get in." I said simply. He didn't hesitate. He didn't say a word as he opened the back door. I stood on one shaky leg, pulling my bad foot up off the ground. I hopped to the seat and scooted in to the other end. I decided it would probably be best if I just layed down and tried to sleep. I turned to face the front of the car, my injured side facing the roof. I saw Dean looking at me in the rearview mirror, his eyes hard and unreadable. "I'm sorry," I whispered. I don't know if he heard me or not, he didn't say anything. I didn't even know what I was apologizing for, I just knew that I should.


	2. Chapter 2

I could hear talking, but couldn't quite make out what anyone was saying. I was still so tired. Then I heard my name, or what they told me was my name, and I stilled. My mind went blank and my ears strained as I tried to make out what was being said.

"Don't you think you're being a little harsh?" I heard Sam say. His voice was all strong concern, no wavering uncertainty. I liked his voice.

Then it was Dean's sandpaper voice that said, "You think this is easy for me Sammy? She got hurt, you're doing the trials. It's like everything I try to do turns wrong." I didn't know what it was about the gruffness he spoken in, but it was frightening and soothing all at once.

"I get it Dean, but this has got to be a confusing time for Lou and you're not making it any better." I wanted to pipe up that Sam was right, but then they would know I was eavesdropping.

"I don't know how to help her Sammy. I don't know how to make it right." There was a long silence. Then Dean's voice came again, almost making me jump. "Morning Sunshine." My eyes flew open and heat flooded my cheeks. I tried to push up onto my arms but pain shot through my side and my head so I settled back down.

"Hi." I squeaked out. I cleared my throat, "Where are we?" Sam turned in his seat so that he was facing me.

"Well, we are about 3 hours away from home." He answered matter-a-factly.

"Why can't you tell me what is happening until we get home?" My voice was annoyingly quite, but Sam just smiled. His big toothy grin was contagious and I had this feeling that he didn't smile like that often enough. I saw Dean's harsh green eyes staring at me in the rearview mirror again. He had grown dark circles under his eyes, but he seemed just as focused.

"Home for us is a little strange. We just don't want to freak you out or overload you with information. We are also hoping that Cas will be able to help with your memory." Sam answered sweetly, but I knew he was holding back for a lot of reasons.

"Who is Cas? And how long have we been driving? And why is Dean mad at me? And what are the trials?" I could feel the normalcy on my tongue as I fired questions like a gun fires bullets. Dean barked a laugh. I scowled at the back of his head.

"Cas is a friend. Before your head thing, you trusted him." I nodded as Sam spoke. "We've also been driving for about 5 hours."

"I'm not mad at you Lou, this is just a shit situation. Trust me please Sunshine." Dean seemed sincere. They were all very big on trust, but it's hard to trust what you can't remember.

The car was silent for a long time and it didn't escape my notice that my last question wasn't answered. I let it go, maybe it was one of the things they would tell me when we got home. I felt my eyes getting heavy again. I decided sleep was better than silence. I pulled my knees up to my chest, the leather of the seat sticking to my bare arm. Then I was gone.

I woke up with the vague feeling of loss. I couldn't remember what I was dreaming about but it seemed so important at the time. I looked at the back of then boys' heads as I opened my eyes. Sam's head was tilted like he was asleep in the passenger's seat. Before I could even open my mouth, Dean spoke up. "We are about half an hour away," he said softly.

"How did you know I was awake?" I asked. I looked in the rearview mirror and saw what looked like a smile on his face, but I couldn't be sure, it was dark in the car.

"You're not exactly quite Lou." Dean said. His voice sounded light and almost happy. I was glad he didn't seem mad anymore, but I could still feel the remaining questions and answers lingering in the air making it thick and hard to breath. "Still got questions?" Dean asked as if he could read my mind.

"Look Dean, it's great that you and your brother are like my family, but I can't remember anything. I feel like I know you and should probably trust you, but I can't bring myself to do that." I breathed the words. They were soothing and burning all at the same time. I pushed myself up to a sitting position in the back seat, ignoring the stabbing pain in my side. I saw that the road was devoid of all other cars and in the light of the car's headlights I could make out fields that framed the road. I could finally hear what was playing on the car's radio. I couldn't remember what the song was called but I got a flash of an imagine of Dean singing to it.

I continued, "I just, Dean I'm scared." The last part was whispered. Suddenly the car came to a slamming stop, throwing me and Sam forward in our seats. I caught myself before my whole body was in the front seat, but yelled out as I felt something tear at my side. Dean cursed something too low for me to hear and stormed out of the car, slamming the door behind him. Sam looked dazed at the scene that just woke him up.

With tears pricking my eyes, I reached for the door handle and took a wobbled step out of the car. "Dean!" I called with no answer. It was so dark it was nearly impossible to see. The moon was only half of what it could have been. I took another wobbled limp away from the car and called for him again. Still nothing. I heard Sam call my name but I felt like I had to go after Dean. I limped further and further away from the car, and I could feel my side bleeding.

"Dean!" I called one more time. There were trees, an orchard maybe, all around me. I placed a hand on one of the trees.

"Son of a bitch!" I heard Dean yell. He sounded far away, but then again the blood pumping in my ears drowned out most sounds. I grabbed my left side and it came back cold and wet. I must have ripped stitches in my side. I leaned against the tree. Letting all my weight land on my right shoulder. My breath was labored and my head started to spin as my vision got blurry. Head rush, or passing out, or something. I yelled for Dean one more time. And then suddenly I was falling, but I never actually hit the ground. I landed in warm arms. I looked up to see a blurry Dean.

"You can't take off like that," I whispered. "I worry."

I think he smiled down at me as he said, "I know Sunshine, it won't happen again." I feel like he wanted to say more but I didn't catch it as the black crept in.

I realized as I woke up in a bed, that not only did I sleep a lot, I also fainted quite a bit. That realization made me feel helpless. I didn't remember what I was like before, but this me did not like feeling helpless. My second thought, was that I was in a bed, in a room, supposedly in a house. I was home, or what was meant to be my home. I was no longer wearing the T-shirt that I wore out of the hospital, but a much too big green flannel button up. I tentatively unbuttoned the shirt to look at my side. I had new bandages and I wasn't bleeding anymore. I figured I didn't actually rip my stitches then, otherwise I would have woken up in another hospital.

Thinking about this I got a flash of an imagine in my head. It must have been a bar or something because Sam was sitting on a pool table. The lighting was dim, and Sam's hair was shorter. He was drinking whiskey out of the bottle and his shoulder was bleeding. Then it was gone. I was back in the room. There was a desk and a trash can. There was a nightstand and a lamp. There was a bed. It was all grey and brown and bland. It felt like a comfortable jail cell. I couldn't imagine myself in any sense liking a room like this.

I pushed myself up, grunting. I swung my legs to the side of the bed, and saw, much to my surprise, crutches, resting against the nightstand. I thought about my right foot, wondering what exactly happened to it, but too afraid to look. I tested it by putting pressure on it, but it didn't feel like I could stand on it. I grabbed for the crutches, hoisting myself up onto them. It was painful, not my head or my side or my foot, but under my arms. How did people walk around with these pain sticks all day?

I gritted my teeth and moved out of the room, nearly falling over as I tried to open the heavy wooden door. Then I was in a grey hallway with doors lining the halls. It seemed like almost a kind of never ending maze. An imagine flashed of opening a door and there just being open air and I froze. Did that really happen to me? This no memory thing was really getting old.

I sighed and thought about what to do, then I realized that I didn't have to do anything alone. "Sam! Dean!" I called out. That was a mistake because there was heavy thudding coming quickly towards me and then the two men stung around the corner with guns pointed outwards at me. I screamed and fell backwards, into the room I had just exited.

Sam rushed to me, "What's wrong Lou?" He asked out of breath.

"Sweet Mother Mary Mercy, what the balls was that?" I asked quickly, not really knowing what I was saying. "Why do you guys have guns?" Dean, holstered his gun behind his back as he sighed. Sam had a confused look on his face.

"So you're okay?" Sam asked, looking over me.

I looked up at the man that reminded me of a giant dog, and said, "Well my ass hurts a little from falling, but I was just going to ask how to get around this place." I tried laughing, but it hurt badly enough for it to sound choked off and sad. Sam helped me to my feet, or foot and crutches.

"You can't yell for us like that Lou," Dean said sternly, watching me intently as I arranged myself in the least painful way. Sam had stepped away from me and I was left to stew in my embarrassment.

"Why not? You two are the psychos who ran in, literally guns blazing. You live in a house that looks like an underground jail. You won't tell me anything, and I'm kinda freaking out!" My voice got louder and louder as I talked. "I will yell if I damn well want to!" That one was nearly screamed. I sounded like a child, but I didn't let that get in the way.

Dean looked at me for a long time and there was complete silence for a long while. No one spoke, no one moved. Then he said, "Let's go to the kitchen, get some food in you." It didn't sound like a suggestion. I didn't really like being told what to do, but as he said the words I realized that I was starving. I followed the tall men slowly down the hallway. We made a few turns down hallways that looked exactly the same. It really was like a maze. We eventually made it to a large open area with books and tables and thinks that looked like very old computers. I was several paces behind the men on a count of I was walking with pain sticks under my arms.

The men lead me through the room, Dean waiting a long time for me to get to the door he was holding open for me. I entered a room that was covered in white tile with a large looking kitchen and a wooden table. I took a seat at the table, slightly out of breath, placing the crutches to the side. Sam sat at the seat opposite of me so the seat next to me was vacant. Dean started cooking something that I couldn't see from my seat.

Sam cleared his throat to break the silence. "I know that this is probably really difficult for you and really confusing." I look at him, knowing he was expecting me to be nice. Unfortunately for him, I had had it up to the ceiling with the secrets and the lies and Dean's mood swings.

"If I had anywhere else to go I'd leave," I spat at him, feeling slightly bad for the hurt puppy look that crossed Sam's face. At this comment Dean spun around.

"What the hell Lou?!" Dean started.

I cut him off, "Look, I know that we all had this weird ass life together, but I don't remember jack shit. What I do remember is that ever since I woke up at the hospital, you have been a son of a bitch, both of you have refused to tell me anything about my life other than my name and that I live here, and I had to chase you through the fucking woods because you decided to throw a temper tantrum." I was breathing heavily and clutching my side when I was done.

Dean looked at me and for a split second I couldn't help but think about how sexy he looked when he was mad. I shook the thought from my head and held on to the anger I felt. "For the love of god Lou can you just calm down!?" Dean yelled at me.

"No! I can't! It's like I'm a newborn Dean. I know nothing, but everyone around me knows everything! Just tell me what I want to know." I demanded. I thought about standing but then I thought about the sticks of pain gave me pause.

Sam and Dean shared a look then Dean sighed, crossed his arms in front of his chest and just staired. Sam ran a hand through his long hair and he refused to meet my eye. Finally after several long beats, Sam started talking.


	3. Chapter 3

"You're joking right?" I asked hesitantly, holding the cup of coffee Dean had given to me close to my chest. At this point my legs had migrated to resting on the table. "Your friend Castel is an angel," I started.

Sam interjected, "Your friend too," he clarified.

I ignored him. "And he's not answering your weird holy phone calls." I saw Dean nod his head chuckling a little as if this was funny. "We all fight monsters that aren't supposed to exist. I got hurt when we were hunting hellhound which belong to the King of Hell who is our frenemy. Sam is trying to shut the gates of hell, and we have all died at least once." I ran a hand through my hair, for the first time truly realizing that I had bangs. "I was a chew toy for a giant dog," I muttered to myself staring at my foot on the table.

"I know this must be a lot," Sam started. I put my hand stopping him, still holding my coffee to my chest. I took a long sip, realizing that it had gotten cold while we where talking.

"It actually feels true. Like I can almost feel the memories, or like I am looking at them through foggy thick glass or something." I took another sip of the cold coffee, feeling the buzz run through me. "How do I call Cas? I want all the memories back and I want to not use the sticks of pain to move around cause Sweet Mother Mary Mercy they hurt like hell."

"He's not answering Lou, I don't know what you think you can do." Dean started, moving closer to me, as if to think that explaining things made me forget that I was mad at him.

"You can chill Captain, I just want to try." I looked him right in the eye. He stopped moving.

"Captain?" He asked, sounding as if it were meant to be a joke, but his voice forgot to tell his face which he held somber under the bright lights of the white kitchen.

"What? You call me Sunshine all the damn time!" I spat back. I didn't know why he made me so mad. I felt as though yelling at him was second nature though. I looked over at Sam to see if he was surprised by this, he was a little but not too much.

"Yeah, it's different." Dean said.

"Because you can remember the past and I can't?" I counterned.

"Yes!" He yelled back. Then he stormed out of the kitchen all together. I heard a door slam several heart beats later. I looked to Sam he just stared at something in his own cup of coffee.

"Look Lou," he tried, "this is really hard on him." I fixed him with a look that told him that I didn't want to discuss this with him anymore.

"Tell me how to call the angel." I demanded in my sternest voice. He nodded.

"All you do is pray to him specifically, out loud or in your head or whatever, but he hears it all." Sam said. I nodded.

I took another sip of cold coffee and then bowed my head and closed my eyes. "Castel if you can hear this, which Sam says you can, I just, I need your help." I said. I could feel tears coming, but I tried to keep my voice as steady as possible. "I don't remember anything, I'm hurt bad. I just need your help. They tell me that we are friends and well, I hope that we are. If you can't or if we or I did something wrong and that's why you're not answering, I'm really sorry and we will do whatever you want to fix it I swear." I finished, not opening my eyes yet, knowing that Sam was looking at me. Crying. I wasn't a big fan of crying, but I could feel the drops leave trails down my cheeks, drying there.

Then, as in the blink of an eye, a man with blue eyes and messy hair wearing a trench coat appeared. He tilted his head to the side, examinaning me for a second. "Hello Louise."

Sam yelled Dean's name but I couldn't tell for sure if he answered because there was a strange attractive man standing far too close to me, looking at me as if I were a bug under a microscope.

Dean rounded the corner into the kitchen to see Cas about as close as a person could get. "Cas where the hell have you been?" Dean demanded. No one seemed to have a problem with an angel this close to my face. Maybe that's just how he was.

"What happened?" Cas asked. He didn't acknowledge Dean at all, he spoke to me.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "You're an angel?" I asked skeptically. He looked like a man.

Cas finally pulled away from me and I got my own air back. "She doesn't remember me." Cas said to no one in particular.

That was when Dean stepped in. His face was softer than I had ever seen it, or remember seeing it. Even when he smiled or laughed there was this harshness about it. He clapped Cas on the shoulder and took a seat next to me. I stiffened at his closeness. "She has amnesia." Dean explained. "We started the trials and she got hurt by a hell mutt." Dean looked at me as if I were meant to say something, but I didn't know what to say.

"You started the trials?" Cas demanded. His voice sounded dark and frightening, something that couldn't be human.

"Look Cas it's fine, just, fix her head." Dean brushed it off as if it were nothing and somewhere deep down I know that he did this a lot with things that were important.

Cas walked towards me, getting close again. He reached out a hand and I flinched away unsure of what he was going to do. "I'm not going to hurt you Louise." He huffed as if this was beneath him. I nodded slowly. He touched two fingers to my forehead and my headache was gone, there was no pain in my side or my foot. My memory… I couldn't remember anything still. I looked up at him, confused, some of my hair in my eyes. He moved it out of the way.

"Well?" Dean prompted. I cast my eyes to my lap, embarrassed that I still couldn't remember anything.

Cas was the one to talk. "I fixed her physical injuries, but her mental ones… If I break down the wall in her mind all at once, that amount of memory overload will drive her crazy. She needs to remember it little by little, break down the wall slowly." Cas told everyone. I looked up at him.

"Will it ever come back?" I asked softly, unsure if I really wanted an answer. He looked at me with sad eyes.

"That's up to you Louise. You have to live your life, seek out things that trigger memories. I won't lie to you, you've had a life littered with heartache. It might be in your best interest to try to start over. This might be a blessing." Cas offered. I didn't have much time to think before Dean was yelling from the seat next to me.

"Cas! What the hell? This isn't some blessing man, it's a fucking curse. She is…." He trailed off, too angry to continue. "She is not better off." He said with a lethal quietness that made my hair stand on end. Sam was still across from me, he hadn't said a word. I put my coffee on the table and stood.

I waited to make sure Dean was done yelling before I said, "Thanks for fixing me up Cas." Then I walked back the way I had come an hour or so earlier. I heard something break in the kitchen and Dean yell, "Son of a bitch!" but I just kept walking.

I couldn't remember all the turns that we took, and eventually confined myself to the idea that I was lost. I wasn't going to yell of the men again, not after what happened last time. So I started opening door and standing far back from the edge as I did. Most were empty or looked like they haven't been touched in a long time. I opened one door to realize that it was the bathroom. One bathroom. Another door I opened was the showers. There were no stalls, just shower heads attached to the wall, all in a row. Then I opened a door and I felt… happy… and sad, and I didn't know why. It was a room like all the other bedrooms but this one felt like, like a familiar friend went to hug me. It had a different blanket on the bed then the one I woke up in. Instead of a hash brown throw blanket, this was soft and plush and white. There were so many pillows piled onto the bed that only half of it was visible. On the desk was a few knives and a gun, along with a large stack of books and a few pictures in frames. The nightstand had a candle on it and the walls… they were covered in printed out quotes and pictures. This room was lived in. This room felt like I belonged to it.

I walked to the bed, climbing on tentatively so that I didn't mess up the perfection and precariously placed pillows. It was plush, not board stiff like the one I woke up in. There was no doubt in my mind that this was my room.

I moved off the bed to the closet that was in the wall. I pulled open the door to see clothes that looked like they would belong to me. I ran my hand over the clothes, then looked down at the ones I was wearing. I slipped off the sweatpants and my underwear, and unbuttoned the shirt and shucked it off. I pulled out a lacy bralette and some lacy panties. It seemed to be the only things I had. Then i pulled on a long button up and rolled it up at the sleeves. It was a nice blue, like Cas's eyes. Pants seemed like a lot of work at that point. I grabbed a hair tie from the plastic bag on the desk and pulled my blonde hair into a ponytail. Bangs were kind of annoying and I wondered why I had them.

Dean suddenly walked into the room, one hand being run through his hair. He was much taller than me and I was suddenly very aware of the fact that I was not wearing pants. He stopped in his tracks when he saw me, his green eyes growing darker, drinking me in. I saw this flash of a picture in my mind of those same darkening hungry eyes so close to me, leaning over me. There was a beer in my hand and I could almost smell cigarettes. Then it was gone and I was back in the present. "Hey Lou. Looks like you found your room." There was a gruffness to his voice that send a shiver down my spine. He stepped forward and I stepped back until my thighs hit the bed and he was so close I could smell the scotch on his breath.

I tried to keep my breathing steady as I stumbled, "Why are you here Dean?" He looked at me for so long, just into my eyes, not saying anything. He looked like he was looking for something.

"That's my shirt," He said at last. I looked down at myself, my head almost hitting his chest when I tilted it down. I felt heat crawl up my neck as I looked back up into his eyes.

"Well it was in my closet so, sorry. If you want it back I'll change." I tried to keep my voice even and cool as I spoke. I meant to move towards the closet but Dean didn't budge. My shoulder hit his chest and I found very quickly that I was trapped. The only way around him was to get onto the bed.

Dean spoke smoothly, with a gentleness I didn't think the gravel voice could have. "No it's fine. Shirts yours." He then backed up, giving me my oxygen back. I had this sudden sinking feeling, like I had lost all the weight inside of me, all the weight keeping me grounded.

He didn't leave the room though, he just stood there. Suddenly Sam walked into the room. "Hey guys, umm maybe some food will help. Dean will you go make something?" Sam suggested. Dean just nodded and left.

I looked up up up at Sam. "Can I ask you something?" My voice was surprisingly calm and smooth. He looked down at me with the kind of look that almost made me want to punch him in the throat. He looked at me like I was some sad little puppy who needed to be taken in.

"Yeah of course Lou." He stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"You and I are like friends right? Like siblings almost?" He laughed.

"I would say we are friends, but not siblings. Well, I did use to have a thing for you when we were kids." He rubbed the back of neck.

"Oh." I chewed on this piece of information. "Now?" I asked tentatively.

"Now, we are friends. We hunt together. We live together. You're the only one who really likes to research with me." He cracked a smile that was contagious.

"What about Dean?" This was the real question I had wanted to ask.

Sam laughed. "Big brother had always had better luck with the ladies."

I grimished at that. "So Dean and I have umm had you know." I said, more to me than him.

"Oh no!" Sam put his hands up as if he could just stop my mind from turning like that. "This is a really awkward conversation." He paused for a very long time and I decided that I should probably sit on the bed now that I had all my own air back. "You and he never… you never…" I didn't understand what he was saying. He must have seen that on my face because he sighed and kneeled down so he was eye level with me. He took my hands in his. "Lou you're a virgin," he finally breathed.

I pulled my hands away, "Oh!" I felt my cheeks flush. "Right yeah ok." I chewed on the inside of my cheek. "So Dean and I aren't together. I'm not with anyone." I nodded to myself, almost forgetting that Sam was still in the room.

"Well, Dean… he is um… he's a little stuck on you Lou, the old you." I looked at Sam in his puppy dog eyes.

"But the me with no memories?" I asked, scared of the answer.

"I don't think he knows what to do Lou." Sam stood. "You're still one of us, I promise that you are, it just, it's hard for us." I nodded as he left the room. And I was alone. My own air, my own space, my own empty head. I shouldn't have cared whether some guy I didn't know liked me or not, but I couldn't help this ache in my chest that wouldn't go away.

Sam had said that I was still one of them, whatever that meant, but I couldn't shake this feeling that I just didn't belong, that I was some kind of outsider that jumped into a life that didn't belong to me. I felt like an imposter and everyone knew it but me. I couldn't help the silent tears that fell slowly down my cheeks.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello all...um I'm Melody... and yeah okay so this chapter is a little longer than normal but I just kept writing so I hope you like it. Tell me what you think. I really love that people like it so yeah. Also I was thinking that next chapter would be from Dean's POV. Oh btw I don't own anything from Supernatural I just own Lou.**

I sat in the library, sipping on coffee, reading a book on the greek gods when Sam walked in and smiled at me. "Some things never change," he chuckled as he beheld me sitting on the table, not the chair, my legs crossed under me.

"As far as I can tell, my body still remembers things, it's just a nice little block in my head that's making life hard." I said returning his smile. It had been a couple weeks since I got to the bunker from the hospital. Sam and Dean had gone out on a job, and left me here for a few days. I learned my way around the bunker and found that I still remembered how to drive a car. I drove into town every few days now to grab food and supplies for the bunker.

Since they got back a week ago Dean had barley said two words to me. Which was fine. I was fine with being ignored. I was fine with feeling a slight tight pain in my chest everytime I looked at him and he refused to meet my eye. I was fine. Awesome.

Sam on the other hand, was happy to talk to me. He was the one who answered all the questions I had about what I think was real in my head. I sometimes got flashes of images, and no matter what time he was always there to tell me the context of them.

"What are you looking at there?" He asked looking over at the book in my lap.

"I'm looking at the greek gods." Last night he told me that along with monsters, we had also fought gods, one of which dragged Dean to 1944.

He smiled to himself. "Be careful or you'll become the next Bobby." He warned.

I looked at him but I saw instead a house filled with books and and older man in a ratty baseball cap sitting at a desk. "Who's Bobby?" I asked. I expected the typical answer of another hunter, but Sam's face fell and he didn't look me in the eye. "Sam?" I tried.

He finally looked at me. "This isn't something I want to tell you Lou." That was all he said before he left the room. I sighed. Maybe Cas would tell me if he ever answered my calls. I called him a lot, but after the first time, radio silence.

I slid from my spot on the table onto the floor, aiming myself towards the kitchen. Food. I didn't know much but I did know that in this world there were two things I needed, coffee, and a burger with fries. Dean usually made a lot of burgers and left them deconstructed so that I could make my own, so that I didn't have to ask him, so he didn't have to talk to me.

I strode into the kitchen to find Dean. I slowly started to back out of the kitchen (okay so maybe I was avoiding him as much as he was avoiding me) when he turned around. He had a mouth full of food and a shocked look on his face. "Damn it Lou!" He cursed with his mouth full. He swallowed and looked at me with those eyes. Those green tired eyes. "Put on some pants." I looked down at myself. I was in a too big flannel that I stole from Sam.

"I don't like pants. Plus I wasn't planning on going anywhere today." I tucked some hair behind my ear, tilting my head down so that my bangs covered my eyes.

"Fuck! Lou!" Dean slammed a cabinet shut. I jumped at the sound.

"What!?" I yelled back.

"I know Sam talked to you." That was all he said.

I lowered my voice, putting a leash on my temper, "He said that you liked me as I was before. He said I'm a virgin. He said that me not having a memory changes things. You avoid me. I avoid you. So fuck off Dean." I felt small in his presents. It wasn't like when I was around Sam and was actual dwarfed by the giant man, it was more that his presents exceeded mine in such a way that would make anyone feel small.

"I'm not avoiding you," was all he said. He started to walk out but I grabbed his arm to stop him, my socked feet sliding on the floor. He looked down at my hand on his arm as if he was expecting my hand to burn from the contact.

"You are. So either treat me like an actual person or just kick me out." I didn't know where that had come from but I said it and there was no taking it back. He looked at me for a very long time. I watched his chest move up and down under the grey shirt he was wearing.

"I want _you_ here." The way he said "you" gave me pause.

I looked at him, stubbornness coating my features, "I am here. I'm just not the me that you want me to be." I stormed out, determined to lock myself in my room. I heard steps behind me.

"That's not what I meant." Dean said softly, almost gentle. He grabbed my arm but not in a forceful way, just enough pressure to make me stop and hear him out. "I know that you're in there Lou, I just miss you."

I'm sure he meant that to sound nice and sweet but all I heard was that I wasn't good enough or trying hard enough or that I wasn't me anymore. "Sam has no problem with me. He helps me when I can't remember things. He lets me ask questions. He has meals with me, goes shopping with me. He tries. What have you done lately?" I snapped. Dean looked like I had slapped him. I shook of the stunned expression and opened his mouth to counter the argument but then closed it quickly. "I get that this blows for you Dean, but did you ever thank that maybe, just maybe, it blows for me too?"

"You're right." Those two words said to me, those two words slipping from his mouth, diving off his tongue and hitting the ground, forgetting their parachutes, those two words stopped my heart. Then it started again, beating faster than before as if to make up for time lost. "I'll try harder, maybe it will help with the memory thing," he suggested rubbing the back of his neck.

"Okay but I have rules," I said. He looked down at me, a smile playing at the edges of his mouth. "Rule #1: We don't talk about me losing my memory. Rule #2: You have to answer any question I have. Rule #3: You can't just shut me out. Rule #4: I have the power to amend, add, or remove any rule." I said counting them out on my fingers.

"Yeah okay," Dean said. "Did Sam agree to these rules?" He asked looking at my legs, forcing me to take a step back.

"I didn't make rules with him," I answered crossing my arms. He didn't smile at this. "I didn't need to. He offered to help." I added.

"You and Sam seem awfully friendly." He grumbled slightly. I rolled my eyes.

"If you mean he's my friend then yes, we are friendly." I felt the sudden urge to touch him arm, I got a flash of a picture. A scar in the shape of a handprint on his shoulder. "I want us to be friends too Dean," I added. He just nodded. I nodded too and started to walk away.

"Wait uh," he started, making me spin slowly on my heels, "maybe we could go out tonight or something, get something to eat?" He suggested. I smiled at him and nodded.

"I know just the place," I said and bounded towards my room.

At six o'clock there was a knock at my door. I opened it, seeing Dean smile down at me. "Hey Dean. One minute while I put on shoes." I said, leaving the door open so he could come in if he wanted. He moved into the room with ease as he did the first time when I had discovered the room. As far as I could remember, this was only the second time he had ever been in this room, but of course that wasn't true. He had probably been in this room dozens of time, I just couldn't remember.

It wasn't like I hadn't tried. I did, all the time. I would wander around at night, when I was sure the boys were asleep, reading books, looking through the things in the bunker, sitting in Baby (which I learned was what Dean called the black Impala.) I tried to trigger memories everywhere I went, but there was nothing. I would reach into my mind to find think black glass that I couldn't really see through.

"So where do you want to go?" Dean asked, his hands in the pockets of an old leather jacket. He looked like he always looked, but there was something about it that jacket that just felt, like maybe, like he hadn't worn it in a while.

"Well I found this place while you guys were working a few weeks ago." I grabbed for the pink converse in my closet. I looked at him as I sank down onto the floor to put them on, he looked somewhat confused. "Oh um, it's a bar, I hope that's okay," I added quickly.

"That sounds just about perfect Sunshine." He smiled at me but I couldn't help thinking something was wrong.

"What?" I asked. It wasn't too sharp or too soft, just a simple question. I had to practice keeping my voice that way so that I wouldn't scare the boys or make them pity me when I asked about something I couldn't remember.

"Oh uh, nothing." He rubbed the back of his neck. "You ready?"

I stood, my hands on my hips. I wore a pair of ripped jeans that I rolled up at the ankles and a black tank top that said whatever and showed off my tattoo. Apparently, it was an anti-possession tattoo that we all had. It kept demons out of our bodies, yay. "Dean, Rule #2," I reminded, "you agreed to answer any questions."

He loosed a breath, took a beat, and then said, "You haven't put your shoes on like that since we were kids after I made fun of you for it." Then it hit me how long we really had all known each other.

"Oh well, I don't remember that and I doubt I'll be swayed to put my shoes on any differently from now on," I breathed leading the way out of my room. I shut the door once Dean was out and locked it behind us. I saw the look that crossed Dean's face but he didn't say anything and I didn't ask, I already knew what he would say. I didn't use to lock my door.

We walked to the garage in silence and when I reached for my car's driver's side door Dean grabbed my wrist like he's been doing just that all his life. "We'll take Baby so you don't have to drive." I think he meant it as a kindness, but it didn't all around feel like one. It felt like I was being handled with kid gloves. He opened the passenger door to Baby for me and I climbed in. In all reality with car was huge, like sex-in-the-backseat-wouldn't-be-too-hard huge. Thinking about that got me thinking about how I had never had sex in the backseat, or anywhere for that matter.

"Dean," I started as he climbed in behind the steering wheel, "why am I a virgin?" He made a small choking noise at this. "I mean," I continued before he could answer, "I'm an attractive person right? People must have wanted to have sex with me. I mean even really unattractive people have sex, so why haven't I?" I looked over to the man next to me and if I didn't know better I would have said that Dean was blushing. Of course that couldn't have been because of my question, the topic of sex was something that someone like Dean would be very comfortable with.

Dean finally met my eyes and realized that I was waiting for an answer. "It's your choice. Uh you actually wanted to keep your uh the uh…." he was stumbling on his words, "there are monsters and gods and crap out there that take a liking to virgins so you kept it so that you could trap them when need be." He rubbed the back of his neck. Then he turned the ignition and drove out of the bunker. I gave him simple direction, turn left out of the bunker, one street past the Quickie Mart take a right, take a right at the big taco, and look for the sign that said Rose Ranch in red lights.

We pulled into the Rose Ranch parking lot that was half full. It was only 7 and there was a live band coming at 9. "I've never been to this place," Dean remarked looking at it through my window. I hopped out and waited for him to meet me.

"That's weird. It's only a few miles from home." Dean looked at me sidelong but didn't say anything. "I've been here a lot," I said off handedly.

"Really?" He looked down at me as we walked through the doors.

The bar itself was kind of small, there was a round bar in the middle with a few tables scattered throughout. There was a pinball machine in the corner next to a modern jukebox machine. The bartender Larry looked up from pouring a guy a drink. "Hey Lou!" He called. "What are you drinking tonight honey?"

I looked back at Dean, an I-told-you smile plastered on my face. He just nodded, his jaw clenched. I didn't quite understand why but I figured that understanding would come in time, like my memories. I looked back at Larry and said in a sugar sweet voice, "Let's make it something sweet enough I can't taste the liver failure." He smiled at me and chuckled slightly. He looked at Dean was was standing directly behind me, a little too close. Larry's smile faded.

"You with Lou?" He asked almost accusingly at Dean.

"Hey don't worry about tall dark and moody over here. He's a friend," I told Larry placing a hand on top of his.

Larry didn't look too convinced. "Yeah? And what will Friend have to drink?" He asked pointedly. I rolled my eyes. Dean had a way of pissing people off just by entering a room.

"I'll have a whiskey sour," Dean replied in a flat tone that told me he didn't really care whether or not Larry liked him.

Larry didn't answer him, he just looked back at me. "Alright honey take a seat anywhere and I'll bring you out your food and your drinks." He turned to start typing in the order. Dean and I walked to my favorite table over by the back wall where you could see everything. I heard Larry call into the kitchen, "Make it for Lou!" I smiled to myself.

"How many times have you been here?" Dean asked almost like he was angry but then again it seemed like anger was his default emotion.

I shrugged, "When you and Sam aren't home I come here almost every night." It was true. I knew most of the regulars and all three bartenders. The kitchen knew my order and the owner Johnny always let me stay past closing if I was still too drunk to drive home. They'd feed me coffee and fries until I wasn't a danger to the public anymore.

Dean just nodded as Larry brought us our drinks. "This is a strawberry daiquiri," Larry declared as he dropped the red drink down in front of me. I smiled up at him. "Now I am only giving you two of these because I don't need you coming in here tomorrow night yelling at me for giving you the worst hangover of your life… again," he added with a smile.

Dean watched as Larry walked away. "You sure make friends fast," he commented.

I glared at him under my bangs. "Not everyone likes to pretend I don't exist."

"Okay, I deserved that," Dean said throwing up his hands. I just nodded. Waiting for my food was a long awkward silence. Then Larry arrived with my cheesy fries extra cheesy, my large side of chopped bacon and my large side of ranch. No silverware, no plates, just a stack of napkins. Dean laughed slightly. "If I didn't know it, I'd say you had your memory."

"What do you mean?" I asked, shoving fries into my mouth.

"This is what you have always ordered in bars ever since I can remember," Dean said, taking one fry from the plate. I glared at him but didn't stop him.

"So," I started, "I was thinking that I want to lose my virginity." Dean nearly spit out the fry in his mouth. I laughed. "Oh come on Captain. You can't be that surprised."

"First off, you don't even remember why you call me that. Second," he coughed a little, "maybe you want to think this over some more." I rolled my eyes.

"Oh come on. I'm 21. I don't think most 21 year olds are virgins," I quipped. "I'm not holding on to it for any religious reason or because I'm waiting for the right person, I'm using it as a way to get killed." I ate a pinch of bacon, hating this conversation that I brought up. I took a sip of the drink that Larry brought me. Yep, it was going to hurt in the morning.

"Have you thought about uh… you know?" Dean asked sipping his drink like he actually cared if he was clear headed or not.

"Thought about what?"

"Who you're gonna lose it to." It was a simple question really. Who was I gonna lose my virginity to. It's something that is supposed to matter to some extent right? Though, with my luck, I'd forget who it was.

"Oh yeah um, maybe just pick someone up here. Bathroom works fine. Quick and dirty, no feelings, no strings." I took another drink. This strawberry thing was going to kill me and I was going to laugh as it did. It was that good.

"Real romantic there," Dean snapped, downing his drink. It looked like it burned. He got up from the table and strode over to the bar to talk to Larry. I understood where he was coming from I guessed. I was wearing the face of someone he cared about but I wasn't that person, not anymore. We all pretended like I was the same but I wasn't.

By the time Dean came back with a bottle of Jack and a glass for himself I had finished my drink. Tonight was a night that I would spend focusing on something other than that fogged up past of mine. Tonight I was just a girl in a bar, a girl who needed another drink. I waved at Larry and he nodded and smiled. A few moments later I had another drink and then the night got… worse.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello people, it's me, ya boi... or girl... or whatever. Anyways this chapter as promised is all from Dean's pov so yeah. Ok don't own Supernatural though Lou and the plot are mine so there is that. Yeah I hope you like it.**

I spent the night keeping men off Lou. She drank three of those red sugar bombs that nuces your liver and was all giggles and hips moving and… well she was beautiful. I couldn't really blame the men that were drawn to her, wanting to dance with her. The band that played was okay, but her, dancing in the middle of the bar, not a care in the world, laughing at the ceiling, she looked like some kind of peace. She looked like joy. She looked like sunshine.

She was talking about someone taking her virginity and for some reason it made me sick. She wanted it done with as if she weren't worth the effort of something special. My Louise, my Sunshine. I couldn't let that happen, not that night.

There was a part of me that wanted her to ask me to take her, but it wouldn't have been her. This Lou wasn't my Lou. She was… laughing and dancing and putting her shoes on like she was five again. She didn't remember anything and that, that killed me.

The old Lou never would have gone into bars alone after what happened over the Fourth of July last year. She never would have locked her door after the time she was fifteen and Bobby couldn't get to her. She didn't remember reasons not to do the things that she was doing, it was like she was a fully new person. But, there were things that were still the same. She looked the same with the hazel eyes that shifted from brown to green to both to neither, changing not with the light but with the mood she was in. She still hated pants and loved the color white and hated not being able to drive and liked her burgers extra messy and could never remember where she put her coffee. These were the little things that made Lou, Lou.

I brought home a very drunk Lou and put her into bed, making sure to move a trash can to the side just in case. I took off her shoes while she mumbled incoherently. I kissed her forehead and said goodnight when she reached for me. "Captain?" She sounded very very drunk.

"What's up Sunshine?"

"D'ya think it'll come back?" She asked slurring her words. Her eyes were closed and her nose was scrunched. Her blonde hair was a mess and her mascara was smudged under her eyes, but she was still beautiful.

I knew what she meant. She meant her memories. "I sure hope so," I breathed. I meant it too. Lou without her past was just too different.

"Sammy says y'don't want want me s'anymore." My chest tightened to a point of pain. "You like s'normal though, I saw," she yawned and didn't say anything for a long time.

"You saw what?" Sam had said that she didn't get memories but pictures in her head and I had wondered what she saw behind her eyelids now.

"You s'and rugrat and s'a pretty lady s'at a table." She turned over so I couldn't see her face anymore. I turned to leave wondering what exactly she was talking about when she breathed, barely audible, "Lisa." I clenched my jaw and walked out of the room.

 _I walked out of the hospital Lou was leaning against Baby, her arms crossed over her chest. Sam was waiting to climb into the passenger's seat. He looked at me pointedly, "Well?"_

" _Well what?" I asked, this was not the time to push me. I got into the car, everyone else following. Lou slid into the backseat and in the rear view mirror I could see worry on that face of hers. Her bangs were getting too long and covered her eyes, annoying the heck out of her._

 _Sam sighed, "Dean, you know, you've pulled some shady crap before, but this," I looked over at him, his too long hair flopping as he shook his head, "has got to be the worst."_

" _Sammy!" Lou warned from the backseat, but Sam just kept plowing on._

" _Whitewashing their memories? Take it from somebody who knows -" I cut him off._

" _If you ever mention Lisa and Ben to me again, I will break your nose."_

" _Dean?" Lou's voice rang through the car, she put a hand on my shoulder but I shook it off. I didn't want her pity, not now. In that hospital were two people that I loved that were put in danger because of what they knew, because of what they meant to me and I had to have Cas take it all away. I felt empty when I realized that they truly had no idea who I was._

" _I'm not kidding," I said to Sam. My eyes burned and I could feel the tears coming. Lou retraited farther into the back seat. There was a twinge of guilt but I pushed it away. Lou, when she had finally tracked me down at Lisa's house after Sam got sent to the pit, she punched me so hard in the face I nearly hit the ground._

 _She hated me for a long time for bailing on her like that but she said that if I wanted to stick to the apple pie life with Lisa and the kid she wasn't gonna stop me._

I found Sam in the war room, drinking some of the Men of Letters' liquer. He saw me come in, "Hey Dean so I was thinking…" he never finished the sentence because I punched him in the nose. He fell out of the chair, booze soaking the floor, the glass breaking. Sam clutched his nose that was bleeding pretty bad. "What the hell Dean?!"

I extended a hand to help him up but he didn't take it, getting to his feet on his own. "Lou remembered Lisa." I said. Sam lost all his anger in an instant.

"That's great." Of course Sammy would think that was great.

"No it's not." He looked at me with that confused puppy dog bullshit of a face. "She is completely trashed and only remembers that I left her and spent a year living it up picket fence style. Maybe not even that much."

Sam walked towards the kitchen, probably to put some ice on his face. "It's better than it was when she first got here," Sam said over his shoulder.

"You don't get it Sam!" I was yelling now. "We went out tonight to some bar where she knows damn near everyone. She was dancing, actually dancing with some random dudes. She was smiling and laughing like I'd never seen her do before. She's different."

Sam looked at me like I was crazy. "Of course she is Dean. She doesn't remember why she should be scared. She doesn't really understand what is out there. Cas said that this might be a blessing and I am kinda starting to agree."

"How can you say that?!"

"Because Dean she's happy." That made me take a step back. She was happy I supposed. "This is what she would have been like if she grew up normal." Sam breathed slowly, eyeing me with that serious lawyer look he got sometimes. "This is Lou who didn't grow up fearing her own shadow and this is Lou who didn't lose everyone she has ever cared about."

"What and I'm supposed to be happy about that?" I asked, my voice quiet. "She's not our Lou anymore."

"And you don't think she knows that?" I turned to walk away but Sam stopped me. "You make her feel so damn bad about something she can't control. She asks me about a million questions a day trying to piece her life together." I looked at him ready to tell him to screw himself but then he said the one thing that I hadn't thought about. "She asked who Bobby was."

"What'd you tell her?" I found myself asking.

"Nothing." I was a little surprised. "I don't want to be the one who tells her that she held the man who raised her in her arms while he died. I don't want to be the one to explain to Lou that she watched her parents be killed by a bunch of vamps when she was six only to watch the man who took her in after that, the man who saved her, die." I nodded understanding. Sam just continued, "She is going to do everything in her power to get her memories back, to make you happy, and when she does she is going to relive all of that pain all over again. It nearly killed her the first time, so why are you in such a hurry for her to feel it again?" Sam was breathing hard, I had touched a nerve.

"She asked me earlier if I wanted her gone."

"Dean you can't kick her out, I won't let you." Sam came forward, forgetting the ice for his probably broken nose.

"Hey!" I barked. "She is the only one of us that never got a taste of normal. Even when we went off to our apple pie lives she stuck it out, did the job, was more machine than person for the both of us. We can give her a shot at normal but not here, not like this."

The air in the kitchen became thick and full of rage. "Maybe," Sam breathed through clenched teeth, "but that is going to be her choice. We are not kicking her out because you feel guilty or because we think it's for the best." I nodded knowing he was right.

"Sorry for breaking your nose," I mumble only kind of meaning it.

"Get some sleep Dean." That was all he said before he left. I was alone in the kitchen where not even 24 hours earlier Lou had crept in here in nothing but a huge flannel and socks. I loved that look on her. I got angry with her when I realized it was Sammy's shirt she was wearing. That very first night when she got all fixed up by Cas and she throw on my shirt it was almost like it use to be.

I grabbed a bottle of whiskey from where I hid it in the bread drawer and started to drink. The thought of Lou in the kind of pain she was in when Bobby got shot sent a churning in my stomach that didn't stop. I knew everything about the Lou before, from her favorite color to which monsters she liked hunting the most. Lou nearly killed herself after Bobby. Sam and I had found her with an empty bottle of pills in her hand one night she was passed out on the floor. The doctors had told us that we had gotten to her just in time. We never talked about it afterwards but in Rufus's cabin the walls were thin enough that we could hear her cry herself to sleep at night. If she went through that again, I don't know what I would do.

I went to my room to try and catch a few hours of sleep before I did something stupid and make Lou hate me even more. She might not have been my Lou anymore but she was still Lou and if she hated me I don't know what I would do with myself.

I woke up to the smell of coffee drifting in from the kitchen. Coffee was always a good idea next to beer. I dragged my ass out of bed throw on dead guy robe and went into the kitchen. "Good looking out Sammy," I said turning into the brightly lit kitchen. Only it wasn't Sam, it was Lou. She was wearing sunglasses inside and had a miserable expression coating her face.

"Why are the lights so loud this morning?" She moaned quietly. I chuckled slightly. She held on to her coffee like it was a lifeline. "Why'd you let me drink so much last night?" It was a near whisper.

"Hey Sunshine, I'm not the one who talked Berry into giving you another drink," I put my hands up, smiling at her.

"It's Larry, and I'm mad at him too," she hissed holding one hand to her temple.

I nodded slowly, "I'll go grab you the best hangover cure out there." I started to exit the kitchen when I heard her mumble something under her breath.

"Thanks Captain."

I got into Baby and drove to the closet dinner which was about 10 minutes out of town and grabbed a bacon cheeseburger, large fries, pancakes, hash browns, and a milkshake. She use to like it back when she was 100% her.

I got back to the bunker 30 minutes later, bags of greasy diner food in hand. I walked into the bright kitchen to see Lou sitting with her legs crossed under her, her head hung low, her dark sunglasses drooping down her nose, and her sucking syrup out of the bottle with a straw. I couldn't help but chuckle. I placed the bags on the table next to her leg, moving to get some silverware to eat with. "Want some pancakes with that?" I asked feeling a smile spread wide on my face.

She groaned into her straw. "Watch it Deano or I will be having idjit with my syrup." I paused for a moment. I debated whether or not to tell her that Bobby use to call us idjits or not. I decided that this morning would be a morning where memory wasn't on the discussion card.

I turned on the charm for her, like I use to when she was in a bitch mood. "Now is that anyway to talk to the guy who is about to cure that hangover of yours?" She just stuck out her tongue at me and winced slightly.

She looked hesitantly in the bag and pulled out the burger first, eyeballing it as if it might explode at any second. Then without warning she dug into it like a wolf on a carcass. I smiled. She always ate like this when she was really hungry. Bobby wasn't really a stickler on manner when she was growing up so it was no big surprise she lacked the more ladylike skills. She let out a small moan when she was halfway through the burger.

I pulled up a chair and sipped some coffee, looking at her. She seemed different. Of course she was, but… Throughout the years, Sam and I had always known that she had some weird habits and sometimes got glimpses of this secret life she had that was just for her, but now it was on full display. It was like she had no insecurities, no embarrassment, she was just so herself.

She rarely wore pants, which I wasn't really complaining about, it just made keeping my distance a bit harder. She sat on tables instead of chairs and when she did sit in chairs her legs drifted up to rest on the table. She held her coffee, or water, or bottle of syrup so close to herself it was almost adorable. She sang, badly and loudly, in the shower every morning, not really caring that Sam and I have asked her to stop. She just seemed like more herself. Even as I thought that I cursed myself. She wasn't herself. She wasn't my Lou.

"This is like heaven in a bun," She declared, her mouth still full of food. She wiped her mouth on the sleeve of my shirt and licked her fingers after finishing her burger. "Seriously Dean, it taste like how an orgasm feels." I looked at her with that.

"How do you know what an orgasm feels like?"

She gave me a look that made me think she thought I was an idiot. "I have hands Dean, it's not rocket science." I must have looked rather ridiculous because she laughed, holding her head in pain. I closed my mouth then, I hadn't realized had fallen open.

She seemed to drop the subject which was fine I guess. I didn't want to talk to her about that at all. Nope. She dug into the fries and ate the pancakes with her hands and asked through a mouth full of fries where the hot sauce was. I laughed to go find the hot sauce. When I got back I watched her pour syrup onto her milkshake and lick the whipped cream off the top, getting some on her nose. I handed her the hot sauce and whipped the whipped cream off her nose with my thumb. She scrunched her nose under my touch. I felt my hand linger there, felt heat on her cheek as my hand cupped her face. She removed her sunglasses and shook her head, shaking my touch off with it. "Um thanks," she mumbled. I felt suddenly cold without the heat from her on my hand. I shook off the feeling.

She looked in the empty bags. "Where's the pie?"

I must have misheard her. "You hate pie," I reminded.

She nodded but her face was scrunched in concentration. "Sam always forgets the pie. I remember that he once brought you cake claiming that it was basically the same thing." She was more talking to herself than to me. "Did you break your leg?" She asked looking at me. For the first time all morning I saw her eyes. Her beautiful eyes that weren't brown or green or hazel but everything all at once as if they didn't like being just one thing.

"Yeah I did," I couldn't help the hope in my voice. I took a step closer, closing the already small space between us. I put my hands on her hips, moving her even closer to me. We were almost touching noses when Sam walked in. He cleared his throat and Lou spun to see him, a smile on her face.

"Hey Jolly Green," she started but cut herself off. She moved off the table stumbling slightly. I reached out to steady her but she swatted me away with one hand and brought the other to her head. "What happened to your nose?" She asked, her voice laced with concern.

"Nothing time can't fix," Sam replied with a kiss to the top of her head. I felt something close to anger when I saw that. Sam pulled a bag off his shoulder and set it on the table. "I've got a present for you," he declared as he unzipped the bag.

Lou pulled out a book from the bag and scrunched her nose. "Supernatural?" She looked between us. "You got me romance novels?"

 **Hey guys so I'm like really new to this so any and all feedback and nice thoughts are so helpful and make me feel super great so if you would like to leave a review or something it would** **definitely** **be** **appreciated** **.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi guys so I don't own Supernatural. Blah Blah Blah. Lou is mine blah blah blah. I really hope you like this because it was kinda a bitch to write**

I had just finished the third book in the Supernatural series when I wanted to go and grab some food from the kitchen. I had leftover chinese that was screaming my name, sounding something like, "Lou, I need you to eat me because I am delicious." As I walked into the kitchen I noticed Sam was being cagey but I wasn't sure if I should say anything.

"Heard from Kevin?" Dean asked Sam looking pensive as always. It had been a few days since he had seen me drunk and then fixed my hangover. It felt so weird.

I felt myself say, "Who's Kevin?" Dean looked at me with that look that told me I asked the wrong question. Thankfully Sam stepped in.

"Kevin is a really great kid. He's a prophet and we are protecting him from Crowley." I mouthed the word Crowley trying to figure out where I knew that name. Sam just continued looking at Dean now. "Uh, no. Nothing yet." I grabbed my leftover chinese from the fridge and popped it in the microwave setting it for two minutes. I could still hear the boys taking even though they had moved into the war room.

"What's it been, like, three weeks? What's taking that little brainiac so long? It's a book. Read it," Dean said sounding frustrated. I didn't think it was that easy by the fact that it had been, as Dean said, three week.

Sam made my thoughts words as he retorted, "Just a guess, but translating an ancient language with zero help might be more difficult than we think." I laughed quietly to myself. The microwave beeped and I joined the boys at the large table in the war room.  
Dean barley looked at me as he sipped his coffee. "So, no word from Cas, Kevin's taking his sweet little time, Lou has got jack for memories, and you're acting cagey. We need a lead before I start climbing these walls."

"I'm right here you know. I can hear you so," I gestured wildly with my fork. Dean just rolled his eyes and squared his shoulders. I leaned over to read what looked like a trashy tabloid that Sam was holding.  
"Well, um…" Sam started, tossing the tabloid on the table, "in that case, I can give you zombies. Guy gets hit by a car, left for dead overnight, guts spilled out all over the road, then gets up and walks away from it."

I look at them both quizzitive. "Wait. Zombies?" They both chose to ignore me.  
"Nothing about brain munching?" Dean asked.  
Sam just shook his head. "Remember Bobby's wife? She didn't... munch on any brains."

I felt my head snap and ache at the mention of Bobby. I didn't ask because I knew no one would tell me but I felt it. There was a sharp pain in my chest everytime someone mentioned his name. I couldn't help feeling like they were protecting me from something. I couldn't bring myself to be mad at them for that, but I could still be mad for other reasons. I just hadn't worked them all out yet.  
"Well, who's the witness?" Dean asked, oblivious to my inner turmoil.  
"Montana state trooper, 20-year vet. Checked his pulse, saw his insides spilled out all over the place, pronounced him dead with a capital D." Sam said.

I started clearing my food when I heard Dean yell, "Where are you going?"

I pivoted on my heels, "I'm going to grab my stuff because we have a zombie to kill." I shot the boys a smile and continued only to hear the scrapping of chair legs on the floor. Dean grabbed my shoulder and spun me around. Man he was really into touching.

"You're not going anywhere, not with a cracked coconut." Dean tapped me on the head.

I scowled at him. "Cas said that…"  
He cut me off. "I don't give a crap what Cas said. Without the knowledge that you had before, out there, you're a liability."

"Dean come on man," Sam tried coming up behind Dean. "You said that the faster she gets her memories back the better."

"Yeah and then you went all chick flick on me and now I'm thinking you're right." I looked between the boys confused.

"What are you guys saying?" My voice was thin and if Dean weren't still holding my shoulders I was pretty sure I'd be shaking.

"I'm saying maybe we send you to hang with Kevin for a while, or Garth, or hell that Sheriff lady Jody." Dean finally let me go.

"You're sending me away?" I looked between the boys. I could feel pressure building up behind my eyes. "You don't want me here." I was a statement and not for them. "You don't like me so much that you don't even want to look at me anymore." I wasn't looking at them. I could barely see anything through the hazy cloud of tears pooling in my eyes. Dean tried to say something but I didn't stick around to listen. I just bolted for my room. I slammed the door behind me and locked it. Then suddenly the floor was under me and my knees where at my chest. There was a pounding at the door and yelling too, but I couldn't make out anything through the barrage of thoughts fluttering through my head.

Eventually the yelling stopped. The pounding stopped. I think I fell asleep. When I finally found the strength to stand and leave my room, the bunker was empty and the Impala was gone. I looked at the clock on my phone. It was 6 at night. I sighed. They had probably been gone for hours at this point.

I stalked back into my bedroom and pulled on some pants and put on a sweater that seemed a little tight in the chest, but I was in the mood for some bad ideas so it was suitable. I put on some mascara and some shoes before grabbing my bag and the keys to my 1968 Shelby Mustang GT500-KR. It was a baby blue that made my heart sing just a little.

I drove to the Rose Ranch and parked in what had slowly become my parking space. It wasn't at the very front, but the locals all knew that it was there to house my blue Shelby. I strode through the doors and if this where _Cheers_ everyone would have been cheering my name. I waved at the bartender on duty, Anna, and decided that tonight I would sit at the bar.

"Whatcha drinkin babe?" Anna asked, a smile on her face. She was beautiful in almost every way. Her hair was long and golden blonde. Her skin was an amazing olive color, unlike my very pale skin. She had wide eyes that made everything she said sound so sincere and a smile that could light up a room. She was missing a tooth on her top row on her right. I had once asked her what happened and she looked me dead in the eye, a real serious look crossed her face and she said, "I got into a bar fight… with a bear." That was that.

"I'll have a bourbon straight," I sighed. Anna put down the glass she was cleaning. She leaned over the bar and looked at me, really looked at me.

"What's going on? Everything ok with you and that boy?" She knew me so well. As far as I could tell, I didn't have many friends and if I wasn't so thrilled to have Anna as a friend I might have thought about dating her instead.

Another bar patron started talking at Anna. "Hey! Are you done with girl time over there? Some of us are thirsty."  
Anna rolled her eyes but didn't even look in his direction as she said, "Carl, I know you're not talking to me like that, and if you snap your fingers at me one more time I will break them and send you home crying to your momma. Now is that what you want?" She finally looked over her shoulder at the older skinny man in the camo baseball hat. He shook his head violently. She just nodded and focused her attention back to me.

"The boy doesn't want me around anymore. I think I might be leaving town soon." I told her as she poured me a bourbon.

She placed the glass down in front of me. "Where will you go babe?" I shrugged and downed the whole glass. She refilled it without a second thought. I sipped this one slightly slower, still feeling the burn from the first one.

"I just know that I can't stay where I'm not wanted." She nodded and went back to tending to the other bar goers. A man, probably in his early 40s late 30s took the empty bar stool next to me. He wasn't anything special, looked like a businessman in his black and red suit. I took another sip of my bourbon and thought about where I would go. I could get a fresh start anywhere, do anything, live any life.

I was dragged out of my thoughts by the man next to me saying, "Hello Darling." He had a soft british accent and I got the feeling like he was familiar.

"Hi," I said, trying to sound cheery despite not feeling it. He looked at me, smiling, tilting his head to one side.

"You have no idea who I am do you?" He sounded almost amused at this.

I shook my head. "No sorry."

He waved it off like it was nothing. "That's all right. Tell me why are you drinking all alone?" He seemed nice enough, charming even. I figured, I had nothing to lose by talking to him.

 **Dean's POV**  
I slammed through the door of the bunker, Shane carrying the kid behind me. We made our way to one of the empty rooms closets to the entrance to the bunker. "Just put him right here," I said, patting the bed. Shane lowered Oliver down to the bed. "This curse was put on you. Why the kid?"

"I don't know." Shane breathed, looking like he was in pain.

Hayley chimed in, "You keep saying "curse." What curse?" I looked over at Sam.

Without answering her question, Sam just asked, "How long has this been happening?"

"Oh, well, I – since he turned seven a few months ago. It started with the dying, and then he stopped talking." I looked down at the kid and felt a little sick. He had died everyday for a few months.

Sam's voice cut through my thoughts. "Wait, seven? Age seven marks one of the first Greek rites of manhood."

I looked at him as if his nerd was leaking out again. "So, what? Are you saying the curse is hardwired into his programming? How do you know that?"

Hayley turned to talk to Shane, "Look at me. I'm sorry that I ran out on you all those years ago. I was scared. I didn't understand what was going on. But we have a child, and whatever you have, he has. I need to know how to stop it. What curse?" I figured it was time she knew what was going on with her son.

We all moved out of the bedroom to the war room and Sam explained everything to Hayley. I couldn't help but wonder where Lou was. We had been gone for a day or so, not long enough for her to cool down, but I had at least expected her to be hanging around in an oversized button up that she stole from one of us or sitting on a table reading a book when we busted through the door, but since we've been back, the bunker has been quite.

After Sam explained to the best of his abilities what was going on Hayley felt the need to summarize. "Okay, so Ollie's dad is a Greek God who has been cursed to die every day by Zeus. And you guys are...Ghostbusters. Am I getting this right?"

I had to hold myself back from rolling my eyes. Ghostbusters? Might as well compare us to the loser Ghostfacers. If Lou were here she would have mumbled "Who ya gonna call?" "Well, you know, due to the fact that your son is currently, albeit temporarily, dead, I'm gonna let that one slide."

"You have to realize this sounds crazy." There was the canned response Sammy and I have come to hate.

Before either of us could step in to comment, Shane took over. "It's true. I didn't believe it myself at first, but it's the only thing that makes sense."

I knew we were on a clock so I had to drop the niceties. "Look, the faster you wrap your brain around this, the faster we can solve the problem."

"Solve the problem? I-I'm just not even sure I understand the problem." Lou was always so much better at this part.

I tried my best. "All right. So, the way we usually handle this is we summon the bastard and we work him over until he undoes whatever it is he did."

"Summon Zeus?" Hayley looked at me like I had two heads.

"Yes."

"And if he doesn't want to undo it?"

"Then we take him out," Sam said, no hesitation.

I added, "And hopefully, the curse dies along with him." Though it was a hope. Nothing was definitive in this game but sometimes hunches are all you get.

Hayley started pacing. "This can't be happening." The kid finally woke up coughing. We all got up but it was Hayley that started moving. "This I can handle." Then she turned to go check on him.

I turned to Shane, ready to lay into him if he chose wrong. "Listen, you can run and hide and die for all eternity. It's your choice. But Sam and I are gonna go after Zeus... with or without you."

"I'm in." He chose right.

I decide that while Sammy and Shane where hitting the books, looking for anything to help with our God problem, I would go find Lou and… well I wasn't going to apologize to her. She was the one who ran away and locked herself in her room like some kid. I nearly broke the thing down before Sam stopped me.

I knocked on her door but there was no answer. I checked the handle and found it was unlocked and let myself in. The room was empty. The bed made. There was the shirt she was wearing the day we left discarded on the floor.

I walked out to the garage to see if her car was there. The concrete room was filled with a lot of awesome things, but her girly Shelby was not there. I ran a hand down my face. I hoped she didn't just take off because of what I said.

I left the garage to go back to the main room and let Sam know what was going on. I saw Sam and Shane reading over books. "Hey Sammy," Sam looked up from his book. "Lou is MIA so I'm gonna go track her down. You got this?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah just make sure she knows that we do want her here." I nodded and left the bunker, thinking about where she might go.

I went to the gas station, the dinner, the bookstore, the movie theater, but as the sun started to swing low in the sky, I thought I might try that bar she liked. When I pulled into the dirt parking lot, I instantly spotted her car. Thank god she was still here and hadn't run away. I put Baby in park and strode into the country bar, looking around to try and find her.

"What do you need?" A tall blonde asked me. She was wiping down the bar as I approached.

"I'm looking for Lou," I said hoping she would know who I was talking about. The blonde looked at me for a long while then a ghost of a smile crossed her face.

"You must be her boy. Dean right?" I nodded. "Our girl was here last night drinking to forget I'd wager. Drinking to forget you." She didn't quite understand the irony of the statement. I clenched my jaw and tried not to get too angry.

"Awesome. Where is she 'cause her car is parked outside." The bartender gave me a pitiful look.

"She left with some guy last night." She turned to help someone else at the bar. I wracked my brain. Lou left with some random guy last night.

I took out my phone to track hers, hoping she hadn't turned off the gps. She had. I called. She didn't answer.

"What guy?" I asked when she came back around to me.

"Some older guy. He was charming, making her laugh the whole damn night. He had a british accent. Look, from what I can tell you shouldn't even be jealous. You guys aren't together right?" The bartender asked but I was already moving towards the door. I knew who Lou was with. When I got outside, I called Sam.

"Hey Dean so check this out…" he started but I quickly cut him off.

"Crowley's got Lou." I nearly yelled it as I slammed the door of Baby shut, pushing the keys into the ignition.

"What?" Sam sounded panicked.

"Look you go help the kid and gank Zeus. I will get our girl back." I hung up before he could argue and sped out of the parking lot.

 **Lou's POV**

I woke up in what seemed like a dog kennel. The bars where metal are cold to the touch and there was barely any room to do more than lay down and rest on my hands and knees. The room was dark and damp and somewhere in the distance there was water dripping. There were a pair of nicer looking dress shoes attached to someone next to me.

"Where am I?" I asked, my voice hoarse.  
A voice I didn't recognize yelled, "Shut up!" so I did. I layed down on my side and closed my eyes. To the world I might have looked asleep. I started at my toes checking each body part to see if there was any damage done.

There was something wrong with my ankle but I doubted it was broken. My ribs felt bruised and maybe cracked. Pain radiaded from both of my wrists, my throat hurt, and my head had a few jackhammers working in there.

Next I tried to map my surroundings. I opened my eyes and looked around, really looked. There was a chair on a platform behind me, a door in front of me. I instinctively knew that it was a guarded exit. There were no windows I could see. There were no other doors. There were pillars and this cage and that chair and that was it.

I looked at the cage I was in. There were symbols carved into the bars that I didn't understand. There was no door or lock or anything. It was just a box that I was trapped in like a ship in a bottle. I tried to keep my breathing even, I tried not to panic, but I felt tears run down my cheeks and I knew I was so close to cracking.

The door swung open and the man from the bar strode through followed by a man and a woman all wearing black suits. The man from the bar looked down at me and I did my best not to shrink away from his gaze. "Hello, darling. Are you comfortable?" I didn't say anything. I lowered my head as he kneeled down to get a better look. Then I heard him snap his fingers and the cage vanished. I meant to bolt upright and I did, much to my head's displeasure. Black filled my vision but I shook it off.

That's when I noticed the chains around my wrists, around my ankles, around my neck. I might not have been in the cage anymore but I wasn't free. "Now pet, can you be a dear and tell me where my prophet is?"

I stumbled slightly. "Look, I don't even know who you are. I can't remember anything besides the past 2 months."

The man looked at me, a smile playing across his face. "Well darling, I'm Crowley, King of Hell. We are going to have so much fun."

Then I couldn't help it. It was a reflex. Like acid reflux. I had sarcastic bitch reflux. "Crowley? Like that douche bag Aleister Crowley?"

 **So what do you think? Sorry for the** **cliffhanger** **. I couldn't help myself.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Dean's POV**

"Sunshine?" I begged as I answered my phone after I saw that Lou was calling.

"Try again," Crowley crowed. "Though I have been told I bring a curtain warmth."

"If you hurt her I swear to god I will end you!" I was holding the phone so hard I was almost concerned it would break in my hand.

"Don't get your knickers in a twist. She's fine. We've just been talking. Turns out she had a little bump on the head and doesn't remember anything." I was bursting with anger and at this point very glad I wasn't behind the wheel of baby.

"What do you want Crowley?" Those were always dangerous words but I'd do anything to get Lou back.

"You know I can fix this little memory block of hers. I'm sure it will make life easier for you to pop that cherry," he continued.

"Damn it Crowley!"

"The prophet for the girl. Tomorrow at midnight. I will send you the directions." The line went dead.

I dialed Sam next. "Is she okay?" Sam was concerned with her before anything else.

"Crowley wants to make a trade. Kevin for Lou." I was pacing in the bunker. I ran a hand through my hair. "That son of a bitch took her when she was out drinking."

"It's going to be okay Dean," Sam tried to sooth.

"How Sammy? We're not giving Kevin that that bastard and we can't let him do anything to her."

"I know. I finished the job, Oliver is good. I am on my way back to the bunker now so we will figure this out." I could tell that Sam was driving by the pauses his voice made every once and awhile.

"Just get here fast." I hang up the phone and stormed into the kitchen, grabbed a beer and went to work, looking through the archives for anything that would help. I sat down and sighed, doing the only thing I could think of. "Cas, you got your ears on? Listen, you know I am not one for praying, 'cause in my book it's... it's the same as begging. But this is about Lou, so I need you to hear me. Crowley's got her. I said some things I shouldn't have. On top of that these trials are messing Sam up pretty good. We need you. Where the hell are you, man?"

 **Lou's POV**

He had given me a room. The King of Hell gave me a room. It had a bed and a closet full of clothes and there was a bathroom that connected to the room. It was dark filled with reds and blacks and very much not me. There was no light or clutter or anything that made me comfortable.

The sheets were black and satin and the blanket was red and velvet and the floors didn't have a shirt on them and the walls were painted black and bare. The clothes were all formal gowns and even the bathroom was spotless.

I had tried to open the doors when I woke up but they were locked and I could hear footsteps outside. No escape. No weapons that I could find. No memory.

Sure I had read some of the books about our lives. I didn't even show up until the second book. I seemed okay enough in the books. Not much was different from who I was then to who I was now. That was the part the hurt the most, the fact that I seemed like basically the same person and Dean looked at me like I was a complete stranger.

And I was thinking about Dean again. Before the Douche of Hell nabbed me, all I could think about was trying not to think about Dean. The way he smelled like soap and leather and gunpowder. The way his voice sounded like gravel. The way his eyes bore deep into my soul when he forgot that I couldn't remember.

I found out from the books a lot of things that made sense but didn't resonate as real. Like when you read a story about a hurricane that hit somewhere and you think, "oh that's sad," but you don't feel the full weight of it. Dean liked women, a lot. Women liked Dean. Whatever so don't care. Sam's girlfriend, poor Jessica. Then there was Bobby. I had worked out that he took over as father for me, but I still didn't work out the why or how or anything. He was dead and gone and I couldn't feel it.

Suddenly the only exit swung open and Crowley walked in. "Hello Darling," he purred at me making my skin crawl. "How are you liking your room?" I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not, he just had one of those faces.

"It's um," I tried to find the words that wouldn't get me killed or laughed at, "dark… and clean…" I trailed off unsure of what else to say.

Crowley stuffed his hands in the pockets of his black dress pants. "I'm going to cut to the chase because Squirrel and Moose are trying to undermine my deal as we speak." I was trying to figure out why he was talking about a squirrel and a moose but he just kept going. "I need some information. You need some help. I can get you your memories back. In return you will tell me where Kevin Tran is."

I waited a beat, thinking about what all this would mean. Sure, there was the chance of me going full cuckoo's nest, but at least I would be able to say that I really belonged with the Winchesters. Then again, what good is memory when you're bat shit? "I don't know, it kinda feels like making a deal with the Devil." I chewed on my lip and moved to sit on the plush bed.

Crowley put his hand over his heart in mock pain. "You wound me dear Louise. I would never do deals like Lucifer. Unlike that feathered dick, I keep my bargains."

My mind was reeling with the knowledge of Lucifer, but I couldn't think about that right now. "Why am I here Alistar?" I looked at him, the gears in my head suddenly turning.

"You are the perfect bargaining chip for those flannel wearing apes." He took a step closer and I did my best not to let my fear show. I don't think I did a very good job as he moved all the way to the foot of the bed.

I forced a laugh. "Me? The perfect bargaining chip?" I had to sell it. "Without my memory I am useless to the boys. Dean kicked me out the night you found me. With my memory… Well Cas says if you crack my melon and release them all, I go crazy. They don't need crazy. They would drop me at the nearest hospital safe haven style. I'm worthless to them." Strangely enough, I sold it. Crowley believed it. He believed it because I told the truth.

I watched as he gritted his teeth, trying to think out his next move as if we were playing a game of chess. Then I saw the idea flash in his eyes. "Maybe, but you are still of use to me. If I can access your memories I can get all the juicy torid details of the Winchesters and all their associates, including my prophet." He turned to leave. As he exited the large doors, he stopped at one of the guard demons. "Make sure she is ready for dinner in an hour. Formal wear only. If she refuses…" he shot a glance back at me, "get creative."

I swallowed hard as the doors shut behind him. He was going to break me open and try to scoop out the memories. My mind was racing, spinning in circles, thoughts crashing into one another until I couldn't move and I didn't know if my eyes were open or closed. My mind finally settled on one thought; I really didn't want any demons getting "creative" with me.

I moved to the closet and looked at all the gowns. None of them were even close to my style. They were all floor length and skin tight. I settled on one that didn't look too bad and looked like I might actually be able to move in it. It was black with sparkles that made it look like the night sky. The material was almost slippery like water under my fingertips making me wonder what exactly this dress was made out of. It hung tight around my hips and low on my back. It was the kind of elegant that made pretty girls beautiful and beautiful girls stunning. It just made me uncomfortable.

I strapped on the only shoes that looked like I wasn't going to fall flat on my face in and finally I decided I was done. Thought before any of the grumpy grumps that worked for Crowley could walk in I took one of the high heels in my hand and snapped off the stiletto heel. Finally, a weapon. I stuffed the heel away in the folds of the dress just in time for goon one and goon two to swing open the wooden doors.

I spun to look at them, my dress twirling with me making me feel ridiculous. The way the demons were eyeing me made me want to rip this dress off and burn it… no it made me want to keep the dress on, definitely on, and throw over it a parka the size of a circus tent. I swallowed my fear but I was sure they could hear the jackhammer rhythm of my heartbeat. They just glared at me. "The King will see you know." Was all the shorter, more muscled demon said. I followed them out of the room I was being kept in and noted every inch of the dark hallway. It was narrow with doors every 50 or so feet. There were torches on the walls between the doors and that was it. There was nothing special, just a long super creepy hallway in hell. Nothing special at all. I had to calm my breath as I realized my intake of air was getting shorter, faster, and sharper.

We finally emerged in the place I woke up in when I was in the cage. It looked exactly the same with it's dark somewhat damp deco. The throne and the no escape routes where still there. Though, now there was an absurdly long table with a bunch of food on it in the middle. There were two chairs on either end of the table and I forced myself to not roll my eyes at the ridiculousness of this.

"Please, Louise dear, sit," Crowley gestured to the table after he appeared out of nowhere. How did he do that? How can I figure out how to do that? I looked at him for a beat, then took the seat closest to me. He smiled that slimy little smile that made me want to punch him in the face.

"Why are we eating dinner? Why am I in this ridiculous dress?" I looked down at myself and frowned. "Stop playing with me Crowley, I'm not some wind up toy."

He smirked at me. His cocky face made me think that maybe he was just born that smug. Then I had the overwhelming thought about how demons where made, how they were born. "Well Darling, I do not think of you as a windup toy. More as an amusing companion."

I didn't know how to reply to that but I did know that I needed to suppress my urge to speak. If I spoke something bad would happen. So I took a sip of the wine that was in a silver cup in front of me. This table was awful. I drank. I drank. I drank. And then the wine was gone. So I started to eat the food. There was chicken and apples and asparagus and potatoes and oh my god so much butter it was heavenly. I can't believe I thought that. I was in hell thinking that food was heavenly. Weird. My life was weird. "Darling, are you hearing anything I am saying or are you too busy moaning into your food?" I looked up at him. I swear that his cockyness destored ever so slightly to what almost seemed to be confusion.

I stopped eating. I put my silverware down on the plate in front of me. I wiped my mouth with a black satin napkin. God this was a weird meal. "I… um… I'm sorry." Did I just apologize to the King of Hell? Yes, apparently I did.

"I said, that you need your strength. Getting your memories back will be hell love." I swallowed nothing, my mouth dried up completely.

I shook my head violently. "No." I sputtered out my thoughts as if they were hale falling from the sky. "You can't do this to me. You can't. I just need time or whatever. I need time." I pleaded with him. I pleaded and begged and I knew that I looked pathetic. "I need so badly not to be crazy." My voice came out small.

The King of Hell sighed as if I were some whiny toddler. "I don't care whether you go crazy or not. I care if you are useful to me." He twirled his fork in his hand. I shook my head.

"No!" My voice raised to an octave I didn't know anyone was capable of. Then suddenly I wasn't in my seat anymore, I was pinned against the back wall, my airway being cut off. I couldn't move. I couldn't breath. Black spots were forming around the edges of my vision. I was vaguely aware of the fact that the horrible long table disappeared with all the food. I hardly noticed when Crowley walked towards me.

I only realized that he moved when I heard his voice in my ear. "The flannel monkeys aren't coming for you. I can do whatever I want with you and I will relish in your screams." That was the last thing I heard before the whole world went black.

 **Dean's POV**

Son of a BITCH! That son of a bitch snatched her. He snatched Lou up at her safe place. That was the place she went when she wanted to feel wanted because I was the dumbass who didn't make her feel wanted. Hell I told her that if might be better if she left. She should have never left at all. If she had never come on the hell hound hunt none of this would have happened.

I was pacing around my room running through every scenario in my head. I had already gone through all the alcohol in the bunker. I didn't trust myself to drive anywhere so I didn't go out to get more.

Sam was supposed to be home an hour ago. A freakin' hour ago! What the hell was he doing that was so damn important that he was not here figuring out how to get Lou back. It was freakin' Lou. She was the only person in this damn world who could like with us and not go psycho or turn darkside or just die. She couldn't die from this. Not my dumbass mistake. Not when I should have taken her on the hunt. She needed her memory back and Cas said she need to hunt. I just couldn't deal with her not being as broken and damaged and dark as me.

I walked out of my room, to the war room. That was the last place I had seen her. She was pissed. She was wearing my shirt. Her hair was messy and crazy and piled on top of her head. Her bangs were getting too long and hanging into her eyes just a little bit. She was eating… god what was she eating? I ignored her and yelled at her and told her that she would be better off somewhere else.

I was starting to get pissed. So pissed. Then there was a chair flying through the air. It crashed into the floor. It splintered as a leg broke off it. I throw another chair when Sam finally walked in. He just managed to dodge the chair as he looked at me with that concerned puppy dog face.

"Dude," it was such a simple word. He sounded so concerned.

I looked at him and then I felt it. There was a burning behind my eyes and a slight wetness on my cheek. "I told her to go." It was just a whisper.

He looked at me with that "what the hell dude" look I've gotten to know pretty well. "No you didn't Dean. This is not your fault. You couldn't know."

"Damn it Sam. You told me that I had to stop pushing her away and I didn't listen. She locked herself in her room and then she went out and I don't know if she was even planning on coming back!" Yelling was the only thing that felt right. She was our responsibility. She was Sam's friend. She was my… I don't even know. If I were being honest with myself I might have thought that I haven't been just her friend for a long while now. Since she turned 18. She turned 18 and Bobby nearly killed me for that glance I stole of her ass. She turned 18 and I was 30. God that was gross. I was gross. Bobby should have killed me for that.

Of course I thought of her that way sometimes. She was a chick and not horrible looking and funny and smart and she was… Lou. She would have been nice to have sex with. But I had a rule about virgins. I don't take that responsibility. Being a chick's first is too much. I wasn't going to hold that place in anyone's head.

Sam stepped forward. He moved so slowly as if I were some injured animal or some crap like that. "Dean, I found out where Crowley is holding her." I looked at him, like if he said the wrong thing I might actually tear his head from his shoulders. "I was late because I trapped a demon. I found out where she is being held but we have to go now Dean."

"What has that son of a bitch done to our girl?" Our girl. She has never belonged to anyone. She was Bobby's daughter and Sam's friend and my childhood annoyance. She was the one person in this world that Bobby asked us to look out for.

"Crowley wants to get her memories back so that he can find out where Kevin is." I sucked in a breath. Cas said that would drive her crazy. She's already been through enough. That much pain and loss and heartbreak, that would drive anyone to the break, but feeling it all at once. She didn't deserve that.

I didn't wait. I grabbed my jacket and headed towards Baby. I knew Sam would follow.

 **Lou's POV**

I was naked and strapped to a table. Crowley wasn't there anymore and I wasn't quite sure where I was. There were windows that I couldn't see out of somewhere very high up. At this point, I couldn't even hear my own screams rip from my throat.

I was being carved into over and over again. There were screws in my head that were tightened. I was going to die. This was what death felt like. I passed out again.

I woke up to ice cold water hitting me. I was still strapped to the table. I was still being cut into. I was still naked. I still had screws sticking out of my head. "Do you remember anything?" The man in the doctor's coat asked. He was older, maybe late 40s. He had a kind face and wrinkled hands. But I knew there was nothing kind about him. He was a demon. His job was to jog the memories I kept buried deep because of a hellhound. He was cutting into me for fun. This was fun for him.

"Fuck you!" I spat at him. He laughed. "I don't remember anything." All the bite left me when I saw him pick up a wrench to move the screws further into my skull. "No please!" I wailed. "You can't do this! Please!"

Then he stopped. There was a crackling sound like electricity booming through the space. His mouth fell open and his head fell back and his eyes, his old tired eyes, lit up with orange sparks. There was a sound that was a mix between a crunch and a squish and I felt like vomiting right there. He slumped to the floor. He slumped to the floor dead. And Dean, he was standing in the place that the demon use to occupy, holding a knife with blood on it.

"I'm here," Dean breathed as though he hadn't just killed someone. As if there weren't a dead body at his feet.

"Is he dead?" I whispered, knowing the answer, needing to be wrong.

"Yes. I got him Sunshine. You don't have to worry about it anymore." I cried. I cried. Not from the pain from the slices maring my skin or the rods in my head. I cried from the pain in my chest.

"He was a person." If I had had the strength to yell I would have. "There was a person in there and you just killed him."

He looked at me like I was crazy and that's when I saw blood splatter on his face. "He was hurting you."

"I know." I sighed. I didn't know if this pain would ever go away. I wanted to say so much more but he wouldn't understand and it would just hurt him more. There was this look in his eyes that I had seen before. I didn't want him feeling that way again. "Just take me home," I whispered.

He just nodded. It was horrible. He draped his jacket over me while he slowly pulled the screws out of my head. I howled in pain. There was no stopping it. I wished I would pass out. I needed to pass out. I was aware that Sam had walked in saying something about more coming or more dead or more something more something more more it was hard to concentrate.

"I got you Lulu," a chipper voice from a forgotten past said into my ear. Then nothing. Just warm darkness covering me, drowning me, lifting me. I was gone.

 **Hi guys. So I had fun with this chapter but I think that this is the start of the story going in a direction that I wasn't aware it was going to be going in. Anyway I blame watching Doctor Who while writing for that. Reviews always make me happy to read so I would like to thank everyone who has** **written** **one. You never have to and I can not even begin to tell you how much it means to me that you do.**

 **To all the people who have stuck with the story long enough to even get to this point... since I was little I wanted to be a writer and I manly only write for myself because it is** **embarrassing** **sharing it, but someone convinced me to put my work online so I did and the fact that anyone wants to read it still is amazing to me so from the bottom of my heart thank you.**

 **Okay, I'm gonna go before I start crying or something equally no cool. Thanks to everyone.**


	8. Chapter 8

**OK So I am going to start this out by saying that Lou's first Pov is kinda trigger warning-y. Mention of attempted suicide, self harm, and other not so pleasant things so if you don't want to read that just skip over Lou's first section.**

 **Lou's POV**

I woke up back in my room, my real room. There were books stacked high enough to be alarming on the desk and a shirt on the floor and quotes and pictures plastered on the walls. I was home, I thought as I snuggled myself on top of the white comforter, my head sinking into the mountain of pillows. Then I sat up and realized, my head didn't hurt. I reached up to find no blood or pain. I touched my sided and arms and legs and face, but there was nothing other than soft skin.

Then came the pain. It was a pain in my chest that felt too heavy to carry. It was a sharp pain in my brain. I felt like screaming. I think I was screaming because Dean stormed through the door then. I was suddenly very thankful that I was wearing a white long sleeved, thin shirt and purple and white pj shorts. Although, that meant someone had put them on me. I pushed that thought aside as Dean pulled me to his chest. I could hear his heart hammering under his shirt.

"I can hear your heart beeping." I dig my nails into his chest slightly.

He laughed half heartedly at the wrong terms I had used since I was a kid. "Hey Sunshine, how ya feelin'?" He murmured against my hair. I smelled so familiar, like leather and gun powder and something very close to home.

I slowly pulled away from him, untangling myself from him. I looked up at him, at his hair that darkened over the years and the stubble on his face that never went away. His green eyes that looked like emeralds and candy all at the same time. He clenched his jaw ever so slightly and I knew he was thinking his way through this. "I just need to be left alone," I finally sighed. I was surprised at how hard my voice sounded in that moment. It was like the softness of the last few months was gone.

He got up instantly, moving far away from me. The distance made me feel cold. I shook the feeling away, or at least tried to. It wasn't like I had a crush or whatever on him. It wasn't like I have been pining after the man since I was old enough to understand what attraction was. I wasn't that hopeless.

"Right." He cleared his throat, "I get it, you're still shaken about it all." He was nodding his head as if he were trying to convince himself. He made to move but I stopped him.

"What happened to my injuries?"

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know Lou, one minute you looked like you weren't gonna make it another two minutes and then the next you were fine and healed. I guess Cas wamied you from a distance or something." I nodded but that answer didn't quite feel right. I laid my head down on the pillow. Life was never going to get easier. I didn't notice when Dean left the room or when the door closed.

I heard the door open and I looked to see Dean, wondering if maybe he had forgotten something. "Lou it's been four hours," he breathed. I looked up at him. Four hours? What was he talking about?

"What?"

"You've been lying here like that for four freaking hours." He moved quickly towards me, or I was moving in slow motion trying to sit up, I couldn't tell. "I get that it bites that this happened to you and Crowley is going to die for this, but you got to snap out of it."

I glared at him, the action draining me. "Snap out of this?" My tone was dangerous. "Crowley had me stripped naked while all his little demon friends watched and laughed." I remembered it vividly, but I refused to let my voice shake. "The one you killed, pushed me onto a table and strapped me down so tightly I thought my hands would actually fall off." I could see in his eyes he really didn't want me to continue. "I had this fear that after that, that if I lived and somehow got out, I wasn't going to be a virgin anymore." He tensed his jaw. "I was terrified that it would be stolen from me, like my memories were stolen. I was half expecting to die or go crazy or something because I was positive you weren't coming to save me." He wanted to interject. I saw him open his mouth to speak, but he opened the door for this and he was going to hear it. "Then he put screws in my head, told me that if he twisted enough, he could unlock my memories. Do you know what it's like to be awake and have someone slowly twist screws into your head? No of course not. Then he took out this curved knife and said that he was going to see if my insides were as pretty as my outsides. He carved into me and got off on my screams." I think tears were tracking their way down my cheeks.

"I didn't mean it like that Lou," Dean started softly but I cut him off.

"No you are worried that I'm going down the same path I was on when Bobby died. You're worried you're going to find me on the bathroom floor again, not breathing because I chugged a bottle of sleeping piles. What are you going to do Dean? Hide all the knives again? Tell me everything is going to be alright? Yell at me when you see that I found a razor blade and sliced it across my skin again?"

"How do you… Lou do you have your memories back?" Of course that is what he would get from that.

"Oh yeah Crowley did great work. I'm not even crazy. Well, no more than normal right? What did you say last time? That cutting myself was disgusting and childish? Yeah Dean I remember everything. This is nothing like Bobby. This is nothing like that, but if I do decide that I need that kind of release, I'll let you know beforehand so you can make me feel even worse." I think I was yelling.

Dean looked at me for a long time. "I'm sorry." That was all he said before he left the room. I thought about yelling or running after him or eating something or sleeping or showering or anything but I realized I was too drained to do any of that. I just laid my head back down on my pillow and didn't move. I didn't sleep or think or anything. I was just there and not there all at the same time.

 **Dean's POV**

She was back. She had all her memories back and she wasn't nuts. She was back and she was sad. And Angry. Pissed actually, at me. I ran my hands through my hair.

I wasn't a complete moron, I knew that before she got her memories back I was a dick to her. She had every reason to be pissed, I got that. But, she thought that I… that we weren't gonna come and get her back. Then she thought that I thought she was disgusting because of something that I said to her ages ago. Something stupid that had no meaning except it did.

"Hey Dean." Sam almost surprised me when he appeared in the kitchen. "How is she?" Great question. How that fuck was I supposed to know.

"She's got her memories back." That was all I could manage.

"That's great!" Sam yelled. Then he looked at me. "That's great right?"

"Yeah sure. I mean she's depressed and pissed as all hell at me and just back to… I don't know man. I've never seen her like this." I ran a hand down my face.

Sam looked at me like I was an idiot. "What? You thought that getting all her memories back would make it all okay again? You thought that she would just bounce from being kidnapped and tortured? Come on man. You're not happy when she doesn't have her memories, you're not happy when she does. Make up your damn mind Dean."

He walked out of the kitchen and I was left there. Was I being too hard on her? I mean yeah of course I was happy she had her memories back. She was my Sunshine again. Well, actually she was more of a rain cloud now. Maybe that was the problem, back or not I hated when she was pissed off.

I picked up my jacket and headed towards the garage. I needed a drink, or a no-strings-attached kind of hook up, or both. I just needed something to take my mind off of… everything.

The only bar I knew of in a 20 mile radius of the bunker was the Rose Ranch, so that's where I ended up. The tall blonde was bartending again and flashed me a smile as I took a seat at the bar. I noticed that she was missing a tooth on her upper right side but it gave her a cute endearing kind of look, like when someone has a scar or a birthmark that just makes them striking and stand out.

"You ran out of here mighty quick last night," she drawled in an accent that I couldn't quite place. "Hope you didn't track down the guy who took Lou home." She smirked not knowing that was a nerve that shouldn't have been touched.

"Actually, that's exactly what I did." I gave her a tight smile.

She just rolled her eyes and put a hand on her hip. "Why in God's name would you do something like that? Our girl deserves to be happy, you…" she sighed trying to figure out how to word her next sentence. "You can't rule her life."

I was getting angry the opposite of what I wanted to I shut down the conversation. "How about you and me go somewhere and not talk about Lou. When do you get off gorgeous?"

She laughed. "Oh sugar you are not my cup of sweet tea. I prefer a more… feminine touch." It didn't take long for me to unravel those words. I just nodded.

"Well then can you get me a whiskey double." She just smiled and nodded and got me my drink. Before she could move on I downed the glass and glanced at her silently asking for another. She complied with a half hearted shrug. This one I drank slower, welcoming the slight burn. It wasn't long before a leggy brunette slid into the seat next to me. I gave her the kind of smile that works on most women and she gave me the kind of look I knew well. This was exactly what I needed.

"I'm Leeann," the brunette said in a slow sexy voice.

"Dean."

"Drinking alone?" She asked in the kind of way that let me know she was asking if I was with someone or not.

"Not anymore," I gave her a lazy smile and she laughed, calling the bartender over to order some fruity drink that reminded me of… no… I was not going to think about the blonde headed pain in my ass I left at home. The bartender gave me a look but didn't say anything. "So tell me Leeann, what's a girl like you doing in a bar like this?" And that's how it started.

We talked about nothing for at least an hour, making eyes at each other, her hand on my arm, my hand on her knee. She was beautiful. Her dress was tight and short. It showed off her impressive rack and those curves that I just wanted to hold onto. Lou never wore dresses like that. Son of a bitch, I wasn't supposed to be thinking about her.

I refocused on the woman in front of me in time to notice she was asking me to go back to her place. Finally. I agreed, telling her I'd meet her outside after I paid both of our tabs. She nodded, flashing me a toothy white smile. I turned to the bartender.

"You leaving?" She asked.

"Yeah," I answered fishing my wallet out of my back pocket. "What's your name by the way?" I realized it had been rude of me not to even know her name.

"It's Anna. Are you leaving with boobs for brains out there?" She glanced towards the door.

I glared at her. I didn't need to be judged. "What's it to ya?"

She just shrugged at this like the question didn't really matter. "Oh nothin', just wonderin' how Dora would feel about this."

"Dora?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Louise Theodora Taylor," she clarified. "I call her Dora because everyone calls her Lou."

I nodded. "She told you her full name?" She hated her full name, thought that Theodora was a horrible middle name.

Anna looked at me funny, like I had two heads or some shit. "Yeah. I asked her full name, she told me, easy."

"It's just, it took a while for her to tell me her middle name and it's just weird that…" she cut me off.

"Listen Dean, you seem sweet enough, and like you're almost a decent guy, but leave before I punch you in the face." I looked down at the bar that I had one hand firmly placed on. I was sure my face looked distorted with confusion because she went on. "Dora is good people, and I have grown to really like her." I nodded because anyone who knew Lou liked her, it was part of her charm. "But she comes in here all the time bitchin' about how if only she tried a little harder, Dean Winchester wouldn't hate her. Then I finally see her laugh, and not fake drunk girl laugh, but real laugh and you reck it by being a jealous ass." She fixed me with a look. "Get the fuck out of my bar, because I will tell you this now, there is not a person in here that will stop me from kicking your ass, and half these folks will help me if they knew who you were." I stood there stunned for a minute, then turned on my heels and left.

Leeann was leaning against the side of the building smoking. I wrinkled my nose slightly at this. I didn't like the smell of cigarettes but then again it would be a nice change considering no one in the bunker smoked.

She looked at me with hooded eyes. "You good to drive?" She clearly was not.

I pulled the keys out of my pocket and smile. "Yeah. Let's go Baby." I throw an arm over her shoulder and led her to the car. I opened her door because chicks loved that shit and she clumsily fell into the passenger's seat. I closed her door and moved to the driver's seat.

The drive was short and Leeann got really handsy during it to the point where I almost had to pull over. When we finally got to her place she unceremoniously climbed out of the car and led me towards her apartment.

An hour and a half later I was grabbing my clothes and quietly putting them on so that I didn't wake her. The sex was fine, pretty good actually. Maybe not the best ever but not everyone can do that one twist thing that Raina from that diner in Kentucky could do.

But I had to get out of there. This didn't work at all as a distraction. When Leeann smiled at me all I could think about was how Lou's smile was always laced with joy. When I touched Leeann's soft skin I wondered what Lou's felt like. Leeann didn't have the same smell as Lou. Leeann didn't sound like Lou, but all I could think of was the way the shorter blonde bounced around in shirts that didn't belong to her and talked to her food when she thought no one was listening and danced like no one could possibly judge her. When Leeann moaned, I wondered how Lou would sound if I were inside her.

I drove away from the apartment quickly, not wanting to see Leeann again anytime soon. It was only 12:30 so I headed back to the Rose Ranch for another drink. Anna was still at the bar, washing glasses and ignoring the guys at the end of the bar ogling her without shame. "Back so soon?" Quiet rage rang in her voice. She didn't need anymore trouble.

"Can I just get whiskey, leave the bottle." She nodded harshley and moved to get a glass and a bottle and walked away. I was sure that someone tried to talk to me at some point but I was in no mood to talk to anyone. Sooner than I would have wanted the bottle was empty and 2:00 rolled around and everyone was told to go home. Anna gave me a loaf of bread, told me to eat the whole thing while she called me a cab at the end of the night because I was in no shape to drive. I remembered crawling into the cab and slowly feeling more alert with each turn of the wheel as we made our way closer and closer to the bunker.

 **Lou's POV**

I woke up around 2:30 in the morning at the sound of things falling and stomping through the hall. I instantly got out of bed to see what was making all the noise. I grabbed the gun that I remembered I kept in my desk drawer. I carefully walked outside of my room, the gun stretched out in front of me.

I lowered the gun and sighed seeing it was Dean, his head hung low, him swaying as he walked. Drunk. He always got like that when we fought. I walked back into my room knowing he probably wasn't aware that he had woken me up.

I put the gun back in its place in the desk. I wasn't like Sam and Dean, I didn't keep my gun or knives under my pillow. I turned to go back to bed to find Dean standing in the middle of the room not saying a word. "Dean?"

He looked at me finally, that dorky half grin plastered on his scruffy face. "Heya Sunshine," he slurred.

I rolled my eyes. "Let's get you to bed," I grumbled as I moved to place his arm over my shoulder so that I could lead him down the hall and into his own room.

"Ats oftley forward of ya." He leaned heavily on me seemingly unaware that we were actually walking or that he was putting nearly all of his body weight on me as I struggled to keep us upright.

"I really hope Baby is not in the garage because you are not okay to drive Captain." I was talking more to myself then to the man draped over me. He was about as useless as an oversized baby.

"Took a cab Sunshine…" There was a long pause and my breathing became more labored as I made our way down the hall towards his room. "I jus… I need air or booze or ta get laid." He finally said as we headed into his room. I tossed him on his bed unceremoniously and moved to lift his heavy as all hell legs onto the bed. "You… so much." I didn't even try to understand what he was saying.

I took off his boots and removed his gun from the back of his jeans, placing it under his pillow carefully. He rolled onto his stomach and I was pretty sure he was fully passed out. "Welcome home Dean. By the way you totally suck for doing this." I mumbled under my breath. He couldn't hear me and even if he could he wouldn't remember it in the morning anyway. He hadn't been this drunk in a long while. I felt bolder in this knowledge and chose that moment to give him a piece of my mind. "I have had a crush on you since I was 14 years old Dean Winchester, and it has brought me nothing but misery. You sleep your way through every town we go to. You stare at every piece of ass over the age of 18. Your longest relationship was with… well Lisa. Do you have any idea what it feels like to be me? To know that you might find me physically attractive but are discussed with almost everything else about me? It sucks. Like a lot." I felt tears prick at my eyes and my cheeks flushed with heat. Late night always made me more honest. "The real reason that I am still a freakin virgin is because I couldn't even think about anyone other than you for the longest time and then it felt like it would just never happen so I kinda gave up trying. No one wants to be someone's first." I was pacing now. "Not to mention that this life that I lead with you and Sammy doesn't really leave room for dating, and I want to date. Fancy meals, bowling, the whole nine fucking yards, but I can't go out and find a nice girl or guy because I can't drag someone into this shit box of a life.

"I know that none of this is your fault. I know that. But I really hate that you don't like me because I can't keep from liking you. The only reason I am saying any of this is because you are passed out and it's late and I am rambling and I don't fucking care anymore because two months ago I lost all my memories and two months ago you shut me out completely and now here I am with all those memories back and nothing has changed and I am depressed because guess what Captain, I like who I was without the memories and I don't want to stop being that girl but how can I still be her when you fucking hated her?

"I hate you Dean Winchester, in the kind of way that looks a lot like love, I hate you." Then I stormed out of his room, not even bothering to close the door behind me, and headed to my room. My eyes were puffy, my cheeks were damp, and my heart felt a whole lot lighter. Purge of emotion over, now I had room for the next 7 years of emotions to bottle up and never see the sun.

 **Dean's POV**

Son of a bitch… I couldn't believe what Lou just said.

 **Thank you all for reading! I don't own** _ **Supernatural**_ **or any of the characters in the show, just Lou and my little AU that I am** **weaving** **through the story line. Anyway, hope you liked it and if you did leave a comment if you want because it makes me smile and tell your friends. If you don't like it don't be afraid to message me with what you think is not working, I'd love to hear you opinion. Love you all xoxoxo**


	9. Chapter 9

**So hey guys, this chapter is a little longer than most. It's kinda episodic in that it follows the skeleton of the episode but I cut it in the middle because otherwise this chapter would have been way longer.**

 **Lou's POV**

Memories had always been strange to me. They could be changed or rewritten completely. I didn't remember the night my parents were killed. I knew what happened because Bobby once caught me speaking to a girl at school who had asked what happend. I told her what I remembered, that one night, I had a nightmare about something or another, probably that home invasion nightmare I always had, and I crawled into bed with them like I did everytime I had a nightmare. Only this time they were cold and didn't wake up when I called their names. So I went into the closet and hid. That's when Bobby found me.

Bobby corrected me when we got home, said that vampires tracked my father from a bar nearby, and followed him home. There were three of them total in the nest, just starting out, and they were undisciplined. When Bobby got there, he killed the monsters but it was too late for my parents. Their throats were torn out and they were gone. He found me crying in the closet, covered in their blood.

I had no memory of that at all, just the one I created, like scar tissue wrapping itself around a wound so that it could heal, my imagination painted me a better story of how my parents died.

It had been about a week or maybe more since I put a drunk Dean to bed. Sammy and him went out to see Kevin and they Sam called saying that they would be away for a little while. They got back yesterday. Yesterday was a blur like the rest of the week. I stayed in bed for most of it. But today, today was a good day.

I finally took a shower, which if I was being honest, was needed...badly. I washed my hair with the shampoo and conditioner that made me feel pretty and sweet because it smelled like roses and vanilla. When I finally emerged from the showers, smelling edible and freshly shaven, I felt better than I had in a long while. I think the correct term was pampered.

When I got back to my room, just two doors down from the showers, I towel dried my hair, finger combing my too long bangs out so they didn't go crazy, and slipped into Dean's blue button up shirt, some frilly red underwear, and fuzzy knee high socks. It was a cozy kind of day.

When I emerged from my room, I called out, seeing if anyone was there. No one answered. I smiled to myself and grabbed my computer before racing as fast as I could in fuzzy socks to the kitchen. I set up my computer to play music, any music, all the music, my Spotify shuffle of everything. I grinned wildly as Runaway by AURORA came through the speakers of my laptop. It was slow and fast and sad and happy all at the same time so I twirled around the kitchen to the strange little beat.

And I was running far away

Would I run off the world someday?

Nobody knows, nobody knows

And I was dancing in the rain

I felt alive and I can't complain

But now take me home

Take me home where I belong

I can't take it anymore.

I spun all the way around the kitchen, grabbing a pan and some potato pancake mix, some eggs and vegetable oil. I could never figure out how to make them from scratch but I liked the mix well enough to not care very much.

Then the song changed to Glitter and Gold by Barns Courtney and my spinning changed into more hips and jerkier movements to match the beat as I whisked the mix together.

I am flesh and I am bone

Rise up, ting ting, like glitter and gold

I've got fire in my soul

Rise up, ting ting, like glitter

Like glitter and gold

Like glitter

I had miss this. Just dancing when no one was looking. Just cooking for no one but me. Just living and breathing and existing in a moment that was only for me. As the latke mix settled I made some coffee, spinning around like a ballerina on the balls of my feet to Dynasty by MIIA. Before the song ended I had a coffee cup in my hands, half coffee, half creamer, and 100% sugary goodness. I hopped up onto the counter, crossing my legs under me and slowly sipping at my cavity in a cup.

After 10 minutes, my coffee got colder and the latke mix had sat long enough. I tested the temperature of the oil in the pan with a small amount of the mix, watching it sizzle and splatter, looking to burn little red dots on any exposed skin I happened to be showing. I smiled and scooped three pancakes into the pan and let them cook as I took another sip of lukewarm coffee, bobbing to the music. I finished the coffee just as the pancakes needed to be flipped. I took a spatula to them, revealing the crunchy golden brown perfection. Suddenly Most Girl by Hailee Steinfeld and I couldn't help but sing along to the upbeat radness that floated through the speakers. I used the spatula in my hand as a microphone and danced to the reflection of me in the refrigerator. Once the song ended I couldn't help but laugh at my silliness as I started on three new potato latkes.

 **Dean's POV**

I hadn't seen her like this in a long while. Since she lived with Bobby I think. I came home with groceries planning on putting them away when I heard music coming from the kitchen. She hadn't gotten out of bed for more than the bathroom and a quick bite to eat since I came home drunk. SInce she said those things to me.

She didn't even get up when we left to find Kevin who deciphered the second trial. She didn't call when Sam sent Bobby's soul to heaven. She didn't flinch when we got back and I told her that Kevin was missing. I wasn't even sure she heard me.

But when I walked into the threshold of the kitchen, I saw her, wearing my shirt, spinning and smiling and raising her hands to the ceiling revealing red panties that looked… I just smiled and walked back to the table in the war room so that she could have this moment to herself. I opened myself a well deserved beer and took a swig from it. That's when Sam walked in looking like the walking dead.

"Man, I'm telling you, give me five minutes with some clippers, and…" I started, motioning with my hands to my own hair, I mean the kid was starting to look like bigfoot.

"Oh, shut up." He grumbled half heartedly at me. "Uh, what time did I lay down?" He looked like he hadn't slept in days.

"You took a siesta around noon. Yesterday." He grimaced at me and I took another drink of beer. I grabbed another beer for Sammy and chucked it at him but he didn't move to catch it and it smashed on the floor. There was a scream from the kitchen and Lou came running out nearly slipping in those ridiculous socks she had on.

I wasn't looking at Sam when he mumbled his apology, "I'm sorry, I uh…"

Lou looked slightly bewildered and almost embarrassed that she hadn't been aware of us until now. I turned back to Sam. "That's why we don't have nice things, Sam." He glanced at Lou and gives her a tired smile, making his way towards the table but he stumbled and looks like he might just tip over right there. "You okay?" I knew he wasn't.

"Yeah, I'm, I'm fine, I just…" he steadied himself on the edge of the table and I could feel Lou stopping herself from helping him. I ran a hand down his face like he was trying to rub away the sleep. "Uh, you know what, I'm gonna get dressed. We should go find Kevin." He was in no shape to go anywhere.

"Hey hey, hey hey hey, easy, easy, sleeping beauty." I forced myself to stay seated. "Look, man, I've hacked into every security camera around Garth's houseboat, Kevin's hometown, where Mrs Tran lived.."

"And?" He pushed.

"Well, nothing so far." That wasn't what he wanted to hear.

"Dean, we have to find him."

That was the moment Lou decided to jump into the conversation. "Kevin is missing? What happened? Why didn't anyone tell me?"

I sighed and Sam looked at me with those, are you going to tell her, eyes. "I tried Sunshine but you weren't really in a place to listen. Sammy did the second trial and so he's out of commission for a little," this earned me a scoff from Sam but I plowed on, "and the kid is MIA but it's okay."

"Hey is any of this okay? Dean, we have to find him." She sounded so serious but it was hard to take her seriously when she looked so damn adorable. I shook my head and lowered my gaze to the table.

"I know. I know, but Garth is out looking for him, we got a hunter APB out on Kevin, we will do what we can from here while Sam gets better."

"I'm fine. Dean, I can still go out there, I can still hunt," Sam argued.

"Really?" I raised an eyebrow. I doubted he could make himself soup without collapsing. I stood up, leaving my half empty beer on the table. "Follow me." I began walking through the bunker, but I only hear the shuffling of one pair of feet. I look behind me to see that Lou disappeared into the kitchen again and I smiled, but when I didn't hear her music again, I knew that she was thinking about Kevin and blaming herself.

I mean it wasn't her fault the kid went AWOL, and she had to stop blaming herself for everything that goes bad or she was gonna live in a consistent cloud of depressed, I would know. It was kind of my move.

I led Sam to the shooting range be had way back in the bunker. It was a concrete room with four stations and four targets on the back wall. It wasn't anything too special other than the fact it was a real person shooting range. Freakin' men of letters man. I loaded my 1911 quickly and took aim.

"This is stupid," Sam muttered under his breath but I didn't listen. This was important. I shot twice, hitting the target in the chest. Then I handed the gun to Sammy.

"Alright. You hit that target, we'll talk about getting you back out there." If he couldn't hit the target he couldn't even think about hunting, any hunter out there knew that.

"No problem," he replied seeming too confident. Then he took aim, his right hand shakin' like a junky in withdrawal. He steadied it with his left hand, barley, and fired landing two bullets in the concrete on either side of the target. He sighed.

"Look, man, this second trial hit you a lot harder than that first one. I don't know whether it was just more intense or what…" I shook my head.

"It felt the same… Til the next day."

"So, we're gonna sit tight. Keep an eye out, til you, uh, get better." I picked up a shell that was on the table of the station and throw it into the shooting area. I turned and walked out leaving Sam with his pensive and brooding shoulders behind me.

"Dean, wait." I stopped and looked at my little brother. Maybe I'd cut his hair in his sleep. "Lou?" I knew what he was asking.

"She seems to be having a good day, and that's good. She was dancing when I got home." Sam nodded though it looked painful. "She uh," I rubbed the back of my neck, "she put me to bed because I came home drunk two weeks ago." Sam looked at me with that look that told me I shouldn't have said anything but I needed to get this off my chest. "She said some stuff because she didn't think I could hear or remember or something."

"What'd she say?"

"She said that she was in love with me, obviously." I tried the cocky grin but it failed when I looked at Sam. "She said she had a crush on me since she was in pigtails and that it was horrible and ruining her life and that she hated me." I sighed.

"She doesn't hate you Dean," Sam assured me.

"Well she ain't jumpin at the opportunity to spend any time with me is she." I was getting angry.

Sam looked at me for a long time. "Do you really blame her? You aren't exactly Mr. Feelings and she has always been the type of girl that wants feelings and flowers and stuff like that and you know it." I nodded turning on my heels and leaving.

I needed more beer. We made our way back to the war room to find Lou sitting on the table, eating a plate full of those weird circle hashbrown things and drinking a beer. I would have smiled, I would have said something to her about how she looked beautiful or that it was good to see her out of her room or something, but I didn't. I just picked up my beer and went to stand on the other side of the room. There was a ding on the laptop that Sam went to look at.

He leaned over and leaned over to see who the email was from. "It's from Charlie," he said with the slightest hint of a smile. Lou nearly spit her beer out when she heard that. Her crush on Charlie was far from secret or discrete. The girl lost all ability to talk around the redhead. A sickly heavy weight dropped into my stomach when I thought about it. Sam read the email out loud. '"In the neighborhood, found you guys a case."' Found us a case?" His eyebrows scrunched together. I walked over to the table where Lou was trying to scoot closer to the laptop without anyone noticing.

"In the neighborhood? How the hell does she know where we are?" There was something in my tone close to anger, but at Charlie? No it couldn't be, I loved Charlie like a little annoying sister that was shorter than Sam.

"Uh, well, she doesn't. Not exactly, at least. It says she tracked our cells to a twenty mile radius, then the signal went out. Huh. This place must be in some kinda, like, Bermuda Triangle." Freakin' nerd.

"What, are you saying we can make and receive phone calls from here and nobody can track us?" Sam nodded. "Man I love this place."

Lou fidgitted. "So Charlie is coming here?" Sam nodded. "Okay, I am going to go change then and then um maybe do my hair or something and um…"

I cut her off, she was spirling. "Woah, easy there. It's 8 at night, she'll be here tomorrow."

She looked at me like I was crazy but then nodded. Smiling and then frowning and then smiling and then frowning again like her face couldn't figure out what she was feeling. 'Right, yeah of course." She shook her head. "I'm going to go to bed then because yeah okay, see you guys in the morning." She shot a finger gun at us and left hastily, beer in hand.

I shot Sam a look once she was out of earshot. "Well this should be fun."

It was grey and cloudy outside as we waited for Charlie to show. Sam and I were

dressed for the weather, but Lou not so much. What she was wearing… it was damn criminal. She was in a tight blue tank top, no bra (take a guess to how I figured that one out) and jeans that were cut low that looked like they could have been painted on. To top it off she was wearing one of my flannels on top. Her hair was down and curled slightly and she looked… son of a bitch she looked good. It wasn't for me though, it was for Charlie.

I looked over her head at Sam who was just smirking like this was the funniest thing he had ever witnessed. I couldn't help it I had to say something. "All dressed up for Charlie?"

She shot daggers through her eyes at me. "Shut up Dean," she snarled.

I put my hands up to defend myself. "Hey I am just saying if you have such a crush on her…" I never got to finish the thought.

"I don't have a crush on her… it's more of a massive respect for her intellect and that fact that she is gorgeous and funny and just fucking amazing and… shut up, no one asked you." Her cheeks flamed bright red as we saw a yellow car pulls up. Charlie got out of the car with a smile and I couldn't help smiling back.

"Your Highness!" I called to her.

"What's up bitches?" She replied with enthusiasm. I shot a glance down at Lou who was grinning like an idiot. Charlie leaned in to give me a hug then moved to Lou, who blushed at the touch, and then she hugged Sam who stumbled back once she let him go. "You okay, Sam?" No.

"Yeah, no, I'm, I'm good, yeah. What're you doing in Kansas?" He asked changing the subject.

"Uh... a comic convention. In Topeka." That didn't sound true at all.

Sam didn't think so either because he asked, "In the middle of the week?"

"Girl's gotta get her collectibles." She told him and Lou nodded as if she understood completely even though the girl only owned five comics in total. "So, are you gonna invite me into your dungeon, or do I gotta answer your "questions three" first?" Freakin nerds, but Lou laughed at that a little too hard. I just smiled at Lou almost snorting.

"Allow us," Sam started, "let us introduce you to the Men of Letters."

 **Lou's POV**

Charlie freakin Bradbury was here, sitting at the table. I opted for a chair instead of my usual choice of sitting on the table, but in a completely casual way so I don't think anyone noticed. Except Dean who wouldn't quit glancing at me.

"Holy awesome." Charlie said after we told her everything that had happened since we last saw her, including my memory laps. "Too bad they got wiped out, though that is what they get for the sexist name." I tended to agree with her on that. Dean looked somewhat offended though.

"Well, anyway, that's our skinny. How about you?" I asked, sounding totally casual and cool. I saw Dean looking at me again, but this time his eyes weren't on my face, but on my chest. Ugg damn it Dean. When he saw me noticed he he dipped his head and looked at the table.

"Um, made a deal with the yesteryear weirdos, we're gonna team up to stomp the shadow orcs. You guys are still coming to the mid-year jubilee, right?" I nodded though LARPing wasn't really my thing, Charlie looked damn good in a crown.

"Wouldn't miss it." Dean replied. He actually did enjoy himself the last time. Charlie looked happy that we said yes, maybe she missed me.

"So what about this case you brought us?" Sam interjected, always one to want to get straight to the point.

"When I was in Topeka, I saw this pop up over the wire." She pulled out her surface and began tapping at the screen. "Tom Blake, a checkout clerk in Salina, who went missing on his way home from work. He was found dead yesterday, his insides liquefied. Locals have no idea what happened, they tried to bury the report so people wouldn't freak, but I flagged it. I have eliminated the following things that go bump in the night…"

I had to stop her there. "Wait a second. When did you become such an expert?" Not that I was all the surprised. When she set her mind to something it was pretty amazing what she could do.

"Well, after you guys left, I dug into all things monsters. I'm a wee bit obsessive. If "wee bit" means completely. I also found this series of books, by a Carver Edlund?" I tried really hard not to laugh. Though I had been in the books, they were about the boys and that made it so much fun. "Did those books really happen?" I nodded and smiled. Sam and Dean refused to answer. "Wow. That is some meta madness." She turned to Dean, "Thanks for saving the world and stuff." I laughed because Dean looked like he might actually object. "Sorry you have zero luck with the ladies." She said to Sam who look so offended even though it was true. "And Lou," her eyes landed on me and I stopped laughing, "I don't know how anyone could call you a side character. I mean after everything you did to save them, not to mention how pissed you were everytime Dean would leave you behind because he wanted to…" Dean cut her off.

"Yeah okay." I was confused. I had all my memories back so I remember everything that happened to me in those books. Not that I actually ever read past the first four or so, considering I was just a sidekick in a lot of them.

"We need to find every single copy of those books and burn them," Sam declared. I knew the boys hated them, which is why I was so surprised Sam got me the first six.

"They're online now, so good luck with that." Charlie didn't look too broken up about telling the boys that. Maybe I would look up the rest and see what all the fuss was about. Maybe it got better.

"Awesome." Dean rubbed his face and stood. "Well, you crazy kids deal with that, I will go see if there's anything to this, uh, case of yours." Was I being benched with Sam?

"I'm coming with you," Sam argued.

"Yeah me too." I stood, my flannel "accidently" slipping off my shoulder. Dean stared at that shoulder but Charlie didn't seem to notice. But that could be because Sam decided to stand up and nearly fell over, and Charlie being Charlie grabbed onto him, steading him.

"Woah, are you sure you're okay?" She was so sweet.

Sam waved her off. "Yes."

"No." Dean answered. He was right, Sam was way not okay. "You're taking a knee as long as you're off your game. And you," he pointed at me, "you're on babysitting duty." He was crazy if he thought I would be okay with that.

"I'll go with you," Charlie offered.

"No disrespect, okay, but there's a big difference between reading about hunting and actually hunting." I knew Dean didn't mean it like how it sounded but to anyone with two brain cells, it sounded like a challenge.

"I'm. Coming. With." She punctuated every word for led her out to the back of the bunker. I watched them walk away and slumped down to take a seat on the table.

I sighed. "I really like her new bangs." I wasn't really talking to anyone in particular, but Sam was there and so he replied.

"You should have told her."

I glared at him. "Oh yeah, I'll get right on that. While I'm at it, I'll tell Ryan Reynolds that I am in love with him and his wife and I'll tell Dean I was the one who used all of his shampoo. Come on Sam, get real."

"You're in love with Ryan Reynolds?" That was what he was hung up on? "After Green Lantern?" I laughed.

"Shut up Sammy."

He held up his hands. "No, I get it. It's the same reason you won't tell Dean how you feel." I whipped my head in his direction.

"I don't have feelings for Dean," I protested.

"Yes you do." I tried to object but he pressed on. "They only got stronger after you lost your memory and now you're freaking out." He couldn't be this perspective.

"What do you know?" It was a challenge.

"I know that you two are idiots if you think I haven't noticed the way you guys look at each other all the damn time or the way you guys stand too close or the way…" I cut him off.

"Okay I get it. You noticed that maybe I like him." I breathed through my nose.

He looked like he maybe wanted to say something else but Dean and Charlie came back. "I'm taking Charlie out. You guys stay here. Sammy, you rest, heal." Then they were gone.

I huffed and left Sam in the war room, going to my bedroom to pout. Yes pout.

I stayed in my room for about two hours, reading more of the Supernatural books. Then of course I got hungry. That's kind of the downside to not being hungry for a long time, once you get your appetite back, it hits you at full force.

I walked into the kitchen, noting how quiet the bunker was. I grabbed an apple and a bag of chips to take back to my room, but first I would find Sam, make sure he hadn't passed out and whacked his head or something. When I did a quick sweep and couldn't find him I called out to him, with no answer. I put my food stuff down and pulled out my phone, calling him. I didn't even listen on my end, I was more calling to see if I could hear his phone. I couldn't I went to the garage and looked for my car, still there thank god.

Then I went outside and saw what I was really worried about, Charlie's car was gone. I huffed and said some maybe not so nice things about the younger Winchester and then some accurate, but also not so nice things about the older one for leaving me incharge of a grown man who towered over me. I ran back into the bunker to grab my go-bag and then looked for my car keys. Where were my car keys?

"Balls! That fucking giant!" Sam must have stolen my keys so that I couldn't follow. He knew that I wouldn't hotwire my Shelby, that bastard.

I looked around the garage, because let's face it, there was more than just my car hanging around in there. I decided to just grab one of the motorcycles because it would be faster. I slid my bag over my torso and grabbed a helmet and I was off.

 **Dean's POV**

Sam was here. Lou wasn't. To say I was pissed would be an understatement. To make it better, Sam beat us to the crime scene.

"What took you guys so long?" He asked as if he was in the right for being here, without Lou.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I wasn't even trying to hide my anger.

"Working the case, same as you. Jake Hill, librarian. Went missing yesterday, no relation to the other vic. Coroner already swooped in and scooped up what was left of him." I had to calm down before I said something stupid.

"Yeah, we met her, bit of a stickler. Well, if there's not a body, there's nothing else to see here, so why don't you head on home? I bet Lou is worried sick." I sighed. She would be worried and pissed and absolutely adorable.

Sam scoffed, "She is fine. Still have to talk to the witnesses." He motioned to the two kids playing on their phones.

"Well, we can handle that." I looked down at the redhead. "Charlie, why don't you go talk to the witnesses." She looked nervous about it.

She whined, "But I don't wanna miss the broment."

"Charlie!" I snapped at her. She huffed and moved to the kids. "Look, man, I know you're frustrated, but you're also sick."

"I'm not leaving, Dean." He sounded like a kid.

"What happened with Lou?" I didn't want to sound like I was overly concerned but I knew how she got.

"She'll be fine, I took her keys." Sam flashed the Shelby Mustang keys as if he was some sort of genius.

I ran a hand down my face. "Oh she is gonna kill you." I turned and headed back to Baby, knowing Sam would give Charlie a ride. I drove off thinking about how Lou was probably freaking out that Sam was gone and that he stole her keys. She loved that car more than most people loved food.

I stopped to fill Baby up when I saw a motorcycle parked at one of the pumps. It looked cool enough, just an older Harley, but it was in pretty good shape. I had seen something similar to this in the bunker garage. I was looking at it when I felt someone come up behind me. I pivoted to see who it was, and there she was, still in that very tight tank top, Lou.

I couldn't help but smile, where as she just looked annoyed. "Hey Sunshine."

"Your brother ran away and stole my keys to Shelby!" She poked me in the chest and I felt my throat tighten.

I nodded trying to figure out what to say. "I'm sorry Lou. I should have known he would pull something like this."

"He. Took. Shelby!" She was fuming.

"Technically he only took the keys. You're car is still in the garage." She glared at me. "But I get what you mean. They are probably headed to the coroner's."

"I'll follow you," she growled. Before I walked back to Baby, I heard her grumble, "If he wasn't sick I would punch him in the nose." I laughed to myself.

 **Hey guys thanks for reading. I don't own Supernatural just my slightly angry rage ball Lou.**

 **You guys are amazing. Tell me if you like longer chapters!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Flashback**

 **Lou's POV**

It was the first time Bobby had let me go out on a hunt. I was 15 and really itching to do more than answer phones and look into the mythologies of different baddies. Bobby said that I wasn't allowed to go it alone so he sent word to the Winchesters. I had seen them in and out of the house for years, always taller than the last time.

The boys had been by for a long time after John died. It was like there was nothing left for Dean anymore besides fixing the car. I tried to go out and help him as much as I could but he always scowled or yelled or just plain ignored me until my feelings got hurt and I ran back home. Bobby said that I shouldn't take it personally.

"Come on Princess, he's just working through things," he said. He always said that, as if that made it better. It never did. It hurt like hell every time.

It was actually my 15th birthday present, hunting. It was Bobby's best effort. He wasn't really a touchy feely kind of guy but then again no hunter was, but it was him saying that he trusted me, which was pretty much the best gift in the world.

He called up the boys a few days before my birthday and told them what the deal was. I woke up to voices talking downstairs on the special day. It wasn't really anything new, people stopped by if they knew Bobby well enough for him to trust them.

When I walked down the stairs I was in my jammies and my hair looked like a bird decided it would make a good little home. That's when I spotted them. Dean was leaning against a wall, drinking coffee, looking dangerous and…. well he was in a leather jacket, older, kind of an ass, and I was a 15 year old girl who was into guys, you do the math. So, because of all of that, my heart stopped. He was also maybe like 27 years old. That's 12 years older than me, which meant I would always be a kid to him.

Sam was also there, looking like a puppy dog when his face did that thing where he would look at you and get this big grin plastered on it like you were the only person in the world he wanted to see, but he did that with everyone so you only felt special for like half a minute but his smile was so infectious that you also didn't really care, yeah that look. When I saw that look I forgot all about how I looked and I ran into his outstretched, oversized arms. It was like being cuddled by one of those teddy bears you only see at the carnivals but you can never win because all the games were rigged.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked Sam. I couldn't acknowledge Dean, not with my hair looking like a tornado blew through it and my jammies had pigs with wings on them.

"They're here to take you on your first hunt Princess," Bobby clarified from the coffee maker, stirring my coffee just how I like it, sugar with a dash of coffee and cream. I spun on him, nearly knocking my coffee out of his outstretched hand.

"Really?!" I don't think I had ever been so excited. I was bouncing up and down I was so excited.

"You got to get to school first young lady." Bobby was always so stern about school, if I wasn't dying, I was at school learning. He said he wanted me to have options. I nodded my head quickly. I reached for the mug of sugar and coffee he was still holding and chugged the hot liquid down then bounded back up the stairs to get dressed. Since it was my birthday and October and still warm and the fact that planning things is something I had loved doing since before the beginning of time, I already had my outfit laid out.

It was a dress. I didn't wear dresses often, or really ever but it was a special occasion so I pulled out one of the two dresses I owned. It was white and lacy and pretty and hit just above my knees so it wasn't too revealing or anything so Bobby would let me out of the house in it.

I pulled on matching, but regrettably dirty, white high top converse and brushed my hair. Then I hated how my hair looked down so I pulled it into a ponytail and felt better about it. I didn't wear makeup much either on a count of only ever getting makeup from Bobby on Christmas because he didn't know what else to put in my stocking, but today I put on mascara and blush. I looked at myself for a long time in the mirror and for the first time in a very long time I thought I looked rather pretty. Not really hot, I didn't think I'd ever be considered hot, but pretty which was a vast improvement from cute or acceptable to be seen in public without a bag over my head.

I brushed my teeth quickly, and packed my backpack as I brushed. Then finally I headed back down the stairs. All the men where talking about whatever case there was. It was in Wisconsin which I guess wasn't too far but far enough that I knew I'd be spending a lot of time in the car.

"Hey Bobby, I'm gonna be late if we don't get moving," I said tentatively but loud enough to cut off the conversation.

He looked at me, then stopped. "Well look at you Princess." I looked down at myself, blushing fiercely. "These idjits wouldn't know a compliment if it smacked um upside the head, but they can agree you look great." Bobby gave the boys a pointed look.

"Yeah no, Lou, you look great," Sam tried.

"Yeah real looker when you get older." That was the best compliment Dean could muster which earned him an elbow in the ribs from Sam. "What?" He shrugged off the elbow as if he didn't know what he did wrong.

I mumbled "Idjit," under my breath as I grabbed a frozen waffle for the road. I looked at Bobby expectantly.

"Oh right, sorry Princess I can't drive you today, I got to work on the case you're going on."

I shrugged. "Maybe I can help instead of…" he never even let me finish the thought.

"I will not hear it Louise Theodora. Dean is gonna drive you and that's that." Bobby only called her that when he was trying to be strict but I knew he was just a big softy on the inside.

"What?" Dean asked looking at Bobby with that pinched confused look he got sometimes.

"You heard me boy." That was all Bobby said on the subject and honestly that was all he needed to say. Dean rolled his eyes and huffed but led the way outside to Baby.

Before we reached the car I asked the one question that I would always know the answer to. "Can I drive?" He just glared at me before getting into the driver's side.

The day at school had gone by pretty fast. Nothing all that interesting happened. I got a few happy birthday wishes from some people who knew it was my birthday. My best friend Sophie gave me a cup of coffee in a reusable travel mug that said "unicorn blood" in glittery letters. It wasn't the best coffee in the world but it was the thought that counted… mostly.

The day was both long and short. When you measure your time in blocks of entertainment, time moves differently.

I walked outside, going to wait for Bobby in front of the school as I did every day. That was when Ryan came up to me. Ryan was nice enough to me, kinda nerdy but in a way that was cute. He liked the same kind of books that I liked and we constantly argued about which of the Doctors where the best. I always argued that the newest Doctor, the 10th, was pretty amazing but he was such a classic Who lover that he couldn't get past the old ones. It was really our biggest topic of conversation.

"Hey birthday girl," he beamed at me. I smiled back at him. Today he was wearing a Star Trek t-shirt with a reference I didn't quite understand.

"Hey Ryan what's up?" We didn't have any classes together but we met through mutual friends and ate lunch together almost every day.

He stuffed his hands in his jean pockets, tucking his ears low into his shoulders like he was cold. "Oh nothing much. He I was wondering…" He never finished his thought because a gravel like voice boomed over everyone and everything.

"Lou!" I whorled so quickly I wobbled on my feet a little and spread my arms wide to keep my balance. There was Dean leaning against the passenger's side of the Impala, his arms crossed over his chest. I rolled my eyes.

I turned back around to face Ryan. "Sorry about that what's up?" I was kinda eager to find out what he was going to say. I was the weird smart girl who lived in a junkyard… not really the kind of girl people asked out and I had thought maybe… well hoped more that maybe Ryan was about to maybe ask me to see a movie or something equally embarrassingly cute.

He wasn't looking at me anymore though. His chocolate brown eyes were fixed on the man behind me. "Who's that?"

I glanced over my shoulder. "That's just a friend of the family," I sighed.

I turned back to see Ryan. He looked pale and scared. Dean had that effect on people. He took his hands out of his pockets, rubbing them on his jeans. "Yeah," he started not looking at me again, "I'll see you later Louise." He almost ran off then.

I bowed my head, my cheeks heating up so much that I knew my entire face was bright red. That happened whenever I felt too much emotion. Bobby said that was part of the reason I had always been so quiet about how I felt, because when people can see how you feel, words are sort of useless.

I moved slowly towards Dean, who was just staring at me as I walked. "Who was that skinny kid?" That was what he chose to ask. No "Hey, Lou. How was school? Anything fun happen? Learn anything? Did I just ruin a potential moment for you to be asked on her first date?" I just glared up at him and moved to open my door but Dean didn't move.

"Come on let me in the car." I pulled on the handle for emphasis.

"Was that your boyfriend?"

"No. And thanks to you he probably never will be," I huffed at him.

He looked down at me in confusion. "How is it my fault he doesn't like you?" He saw the hurt in my eyes when he said that. Well, he saw the tears which is basically the same thing. "Oh come on Lou, that's not what I meant." I didn't say anything. He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Okay, you want me to kick his ass or something?" I think he thought that would fix everything.

"No!"

"Well then what do you want?" We were yelling in the parking lot of my high school at that point. The same high school I might add that I still had to spend another 2 and a half years at.

"I want you to not be so intimidating that you scare people away!" People were staring. I was the quiet girl.

"It's not my fault you want some spineless douche!" I had heard enough. Ryan wasn't spineless but anyone who didn't hunt or know how to shoot a gun Dean saw as somehow lesser. I punched him in the face. There were several gasps from around me and I finally looked around me to see almost my whole school staring at me. I felt tears burn my eyes. Dean had finally moved and I crawled into the car, shrinking into myself.

"Just drive." I told Dean as he got into the car. We didn't speak for the 20 minute drive back to Bobby's.

When we finally pulled into the junkyard Dean turned off Baby and I made to unbuckle myself and make a hasty retreat to my room and never come out ever again. But before I could beat feet out of there, Dean pinned my arm to the seat back. I looked at him, my face most likely a complete mess.

"I'm sorry Lou. You didn't deserve that." I was about to say something like, thank you or I forgive you but he just kept talking. "You also don't deserve some spineless idiot who runs away from you."

I growled at him and wrenched my arm out of his grasp. I stormed out of the car and towards the house, slamming every door I encountered from the car to my room.

That was the last birthday I celebrated and the last time I was around any Winchester during the week of my birthday.

 **Lou's POV (Present)**

That son of a bitch! That was all I could think the whole ride to the coroner's office. Sam had left and stolen the keys and Dean looked amused! He hadn't looked that amused since I was 15 and punched him in the face. He was a dick back then and he was a dick now and his younger brother was no different.

I remembered my vow of never being around them for my birthday ever again. Even when we were working together I would drive somewhere far away for a week and then pop back in as if nothing happened. When I turned 18 I was living with Bobby still. He got me Shelby for that birthday. The next day the Winchesters showed up after nearly a year away. I didn't wait around. I took off in my new car and came back four days later.

We finally got to the coroner's office and Dean was in the middle of picking the lock when I just simply opened the unlocked door. I shot him an annoyed look as he straightened like his body was trying to say, "I knew that."

When we walked in there was Sam and Charlie just standing there. Charlie looked uncomfortable in the horrible pant suit she had to wear. I also hated them. Sam looked sickly and that made me even more mad then I had been. He should be in bed, resting, getting better, not being stubborn and stupid and out and about looking for trouble.

"What took you so long?" Sam asked, condescending arrogant idiotic giant.

"Stopped for gas. Shut up. Body's in here." Dean motioned to the morgue. No one said anything to me, maybe because I couldn't look at Sam without thinking about punching him or taking him home and force feeding him chicken soup. Dean had trusted me for the first time in forever with his baby brother and the idiot had to run off and make me worry and look bad and worry.

In that moment light flowed through the window. It looked like headlights and out of reflex I ducked out of view. "What the hell?" I mumbled.

Suddenly the attractive redhead went running in the direction of the light.

Dean and I hissed, "Charlie. Charlie," as the same time. She didn't stop and gracelessly skidded around the corner.

One heartbeat, two, three, she came back around the corner. "It's the coroner. I got this," she assured us. That wasn't that reassuring but there was no time to object as she skidded away again. I groaned under my breath.

Left with nothing else to do we pushed our way into the spotless morgue.

Dean opened the body cooler thing that the victim was meant to be housed in but it was empty. "What the hell?" Dean asked. Then he looked over at Sam. "It's empty."

Sam looked through the paperwork he grabbed out of the big filing cabinet. "Uh... they burned the bodies."

"Already?" I asked raising an eyebrow. No one was this quick.

"Yeah, they think it's some kinda like, uh, outbreak scenario. Even got the CDC to sign off on it." Sam said still looking over the paperwork in order to avoid eye contact with me.

"These folks run a tight ship." Dean commented. It seemed they were both fine with avoiding the issue at hand.

"Damn it Sam!" I couldn't hold it in anymore. "You're sick and you ran off and you stole the keys to Shelby and you could have gotten hurt or worse and if this goes south did you think about anyone else. We can't rely on you like we usually do to have our backs and Charlie is new and I'm just back to better and you pull something this stupid?" I took a quick breath. "Not to mention when I got up to find that you weren't answering me I panicked. Full blown tear my hair out panic and what… I was just supposed to guess that you were fine and not lying with your head cracked open somewhere?"

Neither boy said anything. I knew my whole face was red. Then Sam finally broke the silence. "You're not my mom. If you had wanted to go out the last few weeks I wouldn't have stopped you but no you stayed in bed, because why? Because you and Dean have been dancing around each other for too long?" I couldn't move. He didn't say that. Not with Dean right there. Nope. I shook my head, tears burning in my eyes.

"So does this mean we need to take Silkwood showers now, or is this still a case?" I asked as if Sam hadn't said anything.

After a few really tense moments Sam finally nodded his giant head as if he were okay with us never speaking about the words that were just exchanged. "Yeah, something about that mark the kid saw rings a bell." He took a moment to take some pictures of the paperwork. "Probably have to check the lore, or maybe Dad's journal."

"Hurry up!" Dean snapped. I doubted he would be okay with dropping the whole argument as quickly and totally as I was. We got out of there quickly. We could hear Charlie talking as we shut the door silently behind us.

"I'll see you guys at the bunker," I said and put on the helmet, got onto the Harley and hauled ass out of there.

 **Dean's POV**

"What the hell is wrong with you man?" I cursed at Sam, Lou speeding away.

He looked defensive which he only really looked like that when he knew he screwed up. "She was railing on me in there Dean. It was all pointless anyway, I'm here and fine and doing my job. I don't need either of you treating me like a child."

Now I wanted to punch him in the face. "Oh so it's fine to treat Lou like crap? What was the shit about her staying in bed for? She has extreme depressive episodes. You know that. What the hell dude?"

He looked apologetic. "Yeah I know." He sighed as Charlie finally came out of the coroner's office. "I'm sorry man."

I walked over to Baby. "I'm not the one who needs to hear that."

Back in the bunker, the air was tense. Lou had gotten out all the books that we might have needed before I got there, which meant she was speeding the whole way home. On a motorcycle that was too dangerous.

We were all sitting around one of the tables in the library, Lou taking a seat far from all of us, her feet up on the table.

"Leviathan," Sam suggested.

"No, they consume their prey." Charlie countered

"Well, maybe the vics were Leviathan," Sam tried.

"No black goo on either scene in the coroner reports." Charlie dashed his theory again.

"Dragons, they uh—"

Before he could even finish that thought Charlie was crossing it off her computer. "No signs of burns on the vics."

"I hate that thing." He did not. "I want one." I knew it.

"Wait a second," I interjected finding something in Dad's journal. "Djinn."

"Djinn vics don't get liquefied," Charlie pointed out.

Feeling proud that I finally found something the nerds didn't I chimed with, "No no no, not regular Djinn. According to this, there's a bastard offshoot. Uh, their eyes light up blue, they pass as humans, all that regular jazz, except these leave their victims with jelly-like insides, and supposedly, when they poison their victims, they leave behind a blue handprint." I slapped the cover of the journal feeling proud.

"I hate that thing, and I want one," Charlie said echoing Sam.

Lou finally spoke for the first time since we got back to the bunker. "So these things die like regular Djinn?"

I looked over at her. She looked pissed and sad all at the same time. I could almost feel her shutting down. "Silver blade dipped in lamb's blood, yeah. And now we just gotta find the asshat." She nodded slowly.

"Alright, well, breakthrough means snack time to me, and I wanna just stretch my legs. I will pick us up some grub, and unlike you, Sam, I will not forget the pie." Charlie alerted us as she made a swift exit.

I looked at Lou and then Sam after I heard the door close. "She seem a little off to you?"

It was Sam who answered. "Since the second she got here." Lou scoffed slightly as she cleaned the table of all the books. Sam sighed and put a hand on Lou's arm making her flinch. "Hey Lou, you know I didn't mean it right? I shouldn't have said anything at all and I'm sorry, I know you're just trying to look out for me."

Lou just nodded and flicked her glance quickly to me and blushed so hard that even her neck turned red. She kept her head low as she placed the books back on the table and moved quickly towards her room.

Sam looked at me and shrugged. "I tried man." I could have punched him for that.

"Yeah great work. I'll go get you your gold fucking star." I flipped him off as I followed Lou towards her room. I reached her as she was about to shut her door. "Hey Lou."

She looked at my chest, like she couldn't look in my eye or something. "Hey Dean."

"Can I come in?" I didn't want to push her but I didn't want her shutting down when we just got her back. She nodded and moved backwards until her legs hit her bed. Then she crawled onto her bed and held one of her many pillows to her chest. "Talk to me Sunshine. Don't shut me out."  
She still wasn't looking at me when she said, "I don't want to be a virgin all my life." I didn't quite understand where that had come from.

"Okay…" I tried.

"I wanted it to be you…" she breathed. I didn't say anything, I didn't even move. Wanted. Past tense.

"And now?"

With that question her head snapped up. "Dean." It was a whisper, just a whisper.

"Sunshine I'm not a mind reader and feelings or emotions or crap like that, I'm no good at it so you got to use your worlds." I moved closer to the bed.

The blush on her cheeks spread again. "You don't like me. Not anymore. I think you liked me as more than a friend or whatever when I had my memories, but then I lost them and you were so mad at me for so long, and I don't know if anything has changed."

I had to let her know. I had to tell her that I wasn't mad at her. I had to tell her that having her live down the hall was a constant battle in self control not to climb into bed with her every night. I had to tell her that the sight of her in one of my shirts was the sexiest thing I had ever seen and she wasn't even trying to be sexy. I had to tell her that talking to her was my favorite part of the day. I had to tell her… I had to tell her that I really liked the pies she made.

"Dean?" It was a plea. She needed me to say something. I sat down at the edge of her bed. She moved the pillow away from her.

"Do you want me Lou?" I didn't like the hesitation in my voice. I didn't get nervous around chicks. But here I was sweating bullets like some 16 year old virgin at a school dance.

"Want you?" Her eyes got wide and she looked at me with that strange look like she couldn't quite believe the stupid that just came out of my mouth. I nodded. "Can I tell you something?" That. I just. Nodded. Quickly. "When I… um you know… take care of things myself…" she paused waiting for me to acknowledge that I did in fact know exactly what she was talking about. Baseball. Sam eating a salad. The cougars that chase after Sammy. "Well I always think about you." I swallowed. With the image of her getting off on just the thought of me was imprinted into my mind. I could feel my pants getting tight. Fuck. Cold shower. "Does that answer your question?" I nodded.

There was a long charged silence. I swallowed hard. I decided then that this question, no matter the answer, I'd be okay. "Do you just want me to, you know, take your uh virginity?" I looked up at her and her face broke my heart.

She shook her head. "I always thought that whoever I decided to, I just thought we would love each other." There were tears threatening to fall to her cheeks. I put a hand on her face. Fuck. Don't fuck this up.

"Sunshine, I can wait if that's what you want." She looked at me for a long time, her eyes not leaving mine. Then without warning, she leaned forward on her knees and her lips were on mine. It was soft and sweet, like her. My hands trailed from her face to her waist. Pulling slightly. She moved on her knees to where I was then slowly, never taking her mouth off mine, she sung one leg over my lap and then she was straddling me.

She broke away quickly, her eyes wide. She looked down at herself like she couldn't believe this was her, that this was happening and I couldn't believe it either.

Then just as quickly as it started, she jumped off me like I was on fire. She slammed her back into the wall behind her and her eyes darted towards the door. "I'm gonna go um, I'm gonna shower." She pointed towards the door as she spoke. Then she sprinted out of the room. There I was, on her bed, hard, confused, happy, slightly pissed at myself for whatever I did to scare her off, and utterly unable to move.

 **Hiya so Yeah that happened... haha... blush slightly... I don't own supernatural just Lou and the plot... Please tell me what you think... yeah slight embarrassment about this last little part. Mostly because This is my first fanfic and this is my first hotish scene and so I don't know how it went because I'm just the writer, it always looks so different in my head.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guys. So first off I would like to thank everyone who has commented. Your kind words mean so much to me you have no idea. Also the quick disclaimer that I don't own Supernatural just my OCs and the plot.**

 **Okay so this chapter finally finishes up the episode"Pac-Man Fever" and I hope you guys like it. I try to keep it as accurate to the characters as possible. I hope you guys like it and thank you so much for reading. It always makes me happy to know that people are reading and enjoying my writing.**

 **Lou's POV**

I woke slightly later in the morning than I should have. It was almost 9:30 when I walked into the library to see Sam dialing his phone. He looked worse than the night before. He wasn't getting any better. I was starting to really worry about him.

"Charlie, it's Sam. Um, again. Call us. Okay?" He started coughing when he hung up the phone. I crossed the library to see if he was okay, but he only waved me away. That's when Dean walked in. I very stealthily, and not at all in an attempt to avoid or hide from him, moved behind Sam. "Hey," Sam greeted Dean.

Dean just nodded at Sam, not making any attempt to look at me. "Any word from Charlie?"

"Uh, no. And there was no comic convention in Topeka. I don't know why... I mean, why would she lie to us?" It was weird. Charlie, though secretive was never one to straight up lie, especially to us.

"One way to find out," Dean said, pulling out his phone.

"What are you doing?" I asked. Dean's head jerked up and his eyes met mine. I looked away first.

He took a beat to reply and then sighed, "When I called Sam from her phone, I turned on her GPS." Then we were moving.

All of us gathered into Baby and drove to the blinking light on Dean's phone in silence. The car was tense. We were all really worried about Charlie. Thinking about anything else would be irresponsible.

We finally made it to the dot. It was an apartment building. Maybe she just found some girl and they hit it off. I knew that was wishful thinking. Sam knocked on the door first, like the good boy scout he was. "Charlie! Hey, Charlie, you in there?" There was no answer. Dean nodded at Sam and me as he took his gun out of the back of my jeans, I did the same. Sam did this then proceeded to see if the door was open. It was and he opened it, letting Dean step in first, gun raised.

I walked in after Dean and lowered my gun when we saw what was inside. The place wasn't trashed per say, but it was a mess and a chair was flipped over. Something clearly happened. We found the apartment empty.

"What the hell?" Sam mumbled as he fiddled with something on the desk. I looked over to see what he had. It was a box of fake I.D.s all belonging to Charlie. What the hell was right.

"What the hell is this place?" Dean asked. He throw a glance my way but I looked away.

"Whatever it is, it belongs to Charlie," answered Sam, still looking through all the I.D.s.

"Or some variation of her," I added.

"Who the hell is she, Jason Bourne?" Dean asked, but then again we had many different I.D.s so who were we to judge. Sam sat down at the laptop and started trying to see what Charlie was doing last before she disappeared. Okay, so we got no forced entry, so either it was somebody that she knew, or…"

"Djinn." I finished his thought.

He didn't look at me as he nodded. He spotted her phone on the floor and picked it up. Here's all our missed calls. You got anything on her laptop?" He asked Sam.

"Yeah, um, she's been making donations through her aliases to Shawnee County General here in Topeka," Sam answered. He glanced at me for a split second.

"Like a charity or something?" I asked leaning to see the screen.

"A patient. Gertrude Middleton."

Dean nodded at Sam. "We need answers. I'll take Gertrude, you keep Djinn-digging." Then he left the apartment. I sighed feeling as though it were a punch to the gut, but we had bigger fish to fry. We needed to find Charlie.

"What's going on between you two Lou. First there was the silent car ride then there's the fact you two can't look each other in the eye." Sam, always the observant one.

I fiddled with my hands, ringing them, pulling and twisting my fingers. "I kissed him." I looked at him but he just waited for me to continue. "I kissed him and then I freaked and you know how he is and how I am and I'm me and he's him and...yeah." I breathed heavily through my nose.

Sam just nodded. "We need to pick up some food for the bunker before we head back." That was all he said before he left the room. I followed slowly closing the door behind me. Dean hadn't left Baby, but Charlie's car was there so we grabbed that, making our way to the grocery store.

"Are you sure this is the best idea?" I questioned a few minutes into the car ride. "I mean we really should be looking for Charlie."

"You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else." I snorted.

"Practice what you preach there Sammy." He laughed slightly which turned quickly into a cough.

I looked at him with one eyebrow raised. "Yeah you got me there." There was a long beat of silence between us. When we finally pulled into the parking lot of the supermarket Sam turned to me. "Look, I know I already said it, but I was way out of line and I'm sorry Lou." He looked at me with those pleading puppy dog eyes, his long hair falling slightly in his face.

"I know. I forgive you. Plus, it's not like I've been firing on all cylinders recently anyway." I shrugged it off but he wasn't buying it at all. He pulled me into a hung across the small car, crushing my to his chest. The shifter knob dug painfully into my stomach but I didn't pull away, I just hugged him back.

After a little while we broke apart and got out of the car. Food runs were usually very quick. Grab easy to make or premade food, beer, and pie. This time I thought was going to be no different, but when Sam grabbed a shopping cart instead of a basket I knew it was a real food run. I think he wanted a distraction from Charlie going missing.

It was still a fast trip, but we got more than the usual. I ran across the parking lot to buy the beer while Sam paid for the strange amount of food and food products we got. He even bought stuff to make a real pie. We hopped into the car and drove back to the bunker.

I unloaded and put the food away while Sam dug deeper into the djinn thing. I heard the bunker door open and knew it was Dean. They were talking quietly as I walked in holding a sandwich I had made for myself. Nothing fancy just salami and provolone on white bread with some mayonnaise and lettuce. No tomatoes. I hated tomatoes.

"So no chance of recovery, huh?" Sam asked. I clearly missed an important part of the conversation.

"No. No, Gertrude seemed like a cool mom, too. Kind, strong, taken from her family way too young — remind you of anybody?" Dean was only talking to Sam.

"Who's is Gertrude's kid?" I asked, thinking I already knew the answer.

Then he looked at me. Dean finally looked at me. And I almost wish he hadn't. Those green orbs were trained on me and I couldn't move. I couldn't read his face at all. It was like he was actively trying to not feel anything at all. "Charlie." He said. "She's Charlie's mom." Then he looked away, back at Sam. "Did you find anything?"

Sam who seemed to understand exactly what happened by the pitying look he throw my way, answered, "I think so. A John Doe from nine years ago. The original coroner wanted the body sent to the CDC, but the coroner's new assistant "accidentally" ordered the body to be burned."

"New assistant?" Dean asked.

"Jennifer O'Brien," Sam clarified matter-a-factly.

"Coroner's a hell of a cover for hiding kills," I added. It made sense.

Sam nodded and looked back at the computer. "Now get this. CDC never heard from Jennifer this time either. She faked the reports, burned the bodies to cover her tracks."

"So why does she get sloppy again after nine years, start leaving the bodies where they can be found?" Dean looked at me for a second. A split second, and I looked away. At the ceiling actually, like a total dork.

Sam stood from his chair. "Well, let's go ask her. According to this, she owns two pieces of property in town, one two-bedroom house about ten minutes from here, and an abandoned shipping warehouse."

"Of course she does." Dean followed Sam out of the bunker.

I ran after them mumbling, "Creepy," under my breath as I went. We all piled into Baby, on our way to the warehouse to save Charlie.

We made it to the warehouse quickly. It was dark and creepy and totally like a place a murder would happen. A shiver ran up my spine as I took out a silver blade with lamb's blood on it. Dean motioned that Sam and I should go one one and he would go another. He was putting me with Sam because Sam was sick, not because he didn't want to be around me alone. Or at least that's what I told myself.

We were moving slowly, me in front of Sam, when an older redhead who could only be Jennifer popped out of nowhere and attacked Sam. He tried to fight her off of him but she was too strong. She didn't even notice me as she rolled up her sleeve, a bright blue tattoo forming on her arm like vines. I didn't hesitate as I stabbed her in the back, right where her heart would be.

The blue light coming from her died out as she slumped to the floor. I knew she was dead before I checked her pulse. Dean came rushing in to see what the commotion was about, only to see me kneeling over Jennifer's body.

Dean looked at me for a long beat, then looked at Sam who was checking to see if his head was bleeding or not. "You okay?" The answer was obvious. No. But for the boys, that wasn't the right answer, so he simply avoided the question.

"Where's Charlie?"

I grabbed the syringe Dean held out for me, and filled it with Jennifer's glowing blue blood. Creepy. We made our way to the room where Charlie was being held. She was tied down and had a blue handprint on her arm. She was sweating slightly. Poor Charlie.

Sam took the syringe from me and jammed it into Charlie's arm, but it had no affect. I started breathing heavily. Charlie can't die. She just can't. I have to tell her she's a genius and that even though I have a crazy school girl crush on her, like I'm the nerdy outcast and she's the hot head cheerleader kind of crush, I still consider her one of my best friends. I mean she freaking family.

Dean looked angry as he yelled, "What the hell's going on?"

"I don't know. Different Djinn, maybe she needs a different antidote?" Sam offered. It seemed reasonable but what antidote? I mean we only knew of one. She couldn't just die. I mean she was Charlie. I was starting to panic ever so slightly.

Dean reached for her. "Charlie?" Like that would wake her up. He put his hand on her forehead. "She's burning up, man, we're not letting her turn to jello." He was panicking too.

"Okay, okay, uh." Sam tried.I could almost see the wheels churning in his head and the steam pouring out of his ears. "Okay, Djinn poison puts your brain in something like a feedback loop while your blood boils, right?"

"Right." Dean replied while all I could do was nod. My mouth had gone completely dry.

"Um, if the antidote didn't break the loop, then maybe we can find a way to break it from the inside. I mean, if Djinn take you to your happy place, your happy place is like a dream —" Sam continued.

Suddenly I knew exactly where he was going with this. "African dream root," I said instantly. I knew we had some in the trunk of Baby. Dean ran out to grab the stuff from Baby. A few minutes later he returned handing the jar to me. I unscrewed the lid while Sam plucked a hair off Charlie's head. Dean poured in the ginger and Sam put the hair in the jar.

"Alright, let's do this." Dean said. Before I could object he took the jar from my hand and drank the gross mix. "Ugh. Okay. Alright, I'm gonna need to go sleep fast, so, punch me." Sam looked at me hesitantly. I gave him a short quick nod. "Look, man, I know you don't want to, okay—" And then Sam punched him. Dean staggered back while Sam shook his hand in pain. Dean did have a pretty hard head. "Well, you're a little off your game there, cause I was— that was pretty—" The taunting worked and Sam punched him again. This one knocked him out. He fell into the chair next to Charlie, his head hanging low.

I sighed, and ran my hand through my hair. My bangs fell dramatically in my eyes and I pushed them to the side. I thought maybe I should cut them, but then I thought maybe I should grow them out. These were the questions I wanted on my mind. Not, what it was like in Charlie's dream? Not, will Dean be able to drag her out in time? And definitely not, if Dean can't and Charlie microwaves from the inside out, does Dean also melt?

Sam coughed making me turn. "You good?" I asked. I should be more concerned about him, but I know so little about the trials and how they are affecting him that I just don't know what to do.

Before he could answer a sound echoing through the warehouse got our attention. We paused, neither of us moving for one beat, two, three, four, five. There was nothing. Sam sighed. Then as if he was waiting for us to think it was nothing, a boy with glowing blue eyes stepped out from behind a corner.

"You killed my mom," he growled at me. Then he lunged, throwing himself at me. I fell to the ground. Sam moves but slowly and the little djinn pushes him to the ground as well. We scramble to our feet.

Sam's eyes darted towards me and I knew what he was trying to convey. "So it wasn't your mom who messed up, it was you." He said, taunting the kid, getting it's full attention. I unsheathed the silver blade and held it firm in my hand, waiting for my opening.

"Shut up!" It yelled at Sam. Or I guess he yelled… monsters. You never know what kind of pronoun to use. The Kid punched Sam sending him flying and crashing to the floor. "I just came of age, I had to feed. I screwed up." I carefully made my way to where the two of them were. He had forgotten all about me. "Mom knew how to cover her tracks. She always told me not to play with my food."

"Yeah, well, you should have listened to your mom," I said. The kid turned, facing me as I stabbed him in the heart. I watched the horror on his face. I watched the literal light go out from his eyes. Then his body fell to the floor. I might have been hunting since I was 15 but each time I did this, each time I killed. I felt it. I felt it all. I turned around so that I could wipe the tears from my eyes before Sam could see. I mean he was just a kid. Yeah he was a monster, I get that, but he was just trying to survive, to live, and I was the one who took his life away. I was the one who killed his mom. Did that make me a monster too?

There was movement from the chairs where Charlie and Dean were. Dean started waking up, grunting with the effort. "Dean? Dean. Hey. Hey! C'mere. You okay? What happened?" Sam was there all concern for his brother. He helped him out of the chair. "What happened?" He asked again but Dean didn't answer, he just brushed off his brother.

"Charlie?" He looked over at the redhead who was just starting to wake up. All eyes were fixed on her so no one saw my hands shaking so bad the blade fell to the floor. I looked down at my hands which where covered in blue blood.

Charlie opened her eyes, her bangs sticking to her forehead with sweat. The she let out a heartbreaking tearfilled gasp. "I'm sorry." Dean said. "I had to." Then he pulled Charlie into a hug and she broke down against him. It wasn't my place to ask what happened. It wasn't the right time. I pulled myself together because that's what Charlie needed. That's what Sam needed. My own person crap could wait until Charlie was okay and Sam wasn't sick.

We all went out to see Charlie off. She seemed shaken, but she still smiled like Charlie did. Sam handed her her bag.

"So…" she started, looking at Sam and me, "Thanks for saving our bacon." She smiled.

"Anytime, Your Highness," Sam teased slightly.

She focused on him, her expression getting serious. "You know you're gonna be okay, right? Those books portray you as like, one tough customer. If anyone can get through the trials, Sam, it's you."

He looked down at her. "Thanks. You know, you really should come back and dig through our archives. You are definitely a Woman of Letters." Deflection.

She laughed slightly. "I like the sound of that."

Sam wrapped her in a hug then walked back towards the bunker.

"And you," she started, looking at me, "If I didn't know how into Dean you were, I would buy you a drink." She punched my arm playfully.

I could feel my face burning red. "I don't… I mean it's not like…"

"Hey, don't forget I read all the books girly. I know how you feel about Dean, and I also know how he feels about you." She smiled.

"That's not in the books," I couldn't look her in the eye.

"Yeah, but, subtext." She laughed and pulled me into a hug. "But if you ever get tired of him, give me a call." I hugged her back then beatfeet back into the bunker where I would hide under my blankets forever out of embarrassment.

Before I made it to my bedroom I stopped by the kitchen. I opened the fridge to see what I wanted to eat because I wanted to eat something. I was stressed so I wanted to stress eat. There was nothing to clean, so I kinda couldn't stress clean. I stared into the bright cold fridge for a minute before deciding there was nothing in there that I wanted. So I moved to the freezer. Nothing again. The pantry? Nothing. I moved back to the fridge to start the whole process over again.

I heard a laugh from behind me and spun, losing my footing. "Sweet Mother Mary Mercy!" I screamed holding my chest. Dean looked down at me sprailed on the floor, the fridge door open wide. "You scared me Dean." I was breathing heavily, my face burned. "Fuck!" I yelled at no one in particular.

Sam walked in, seeing me on the floor and Dean laughing, bent over in two. "Everything okay?" He asked confused about what was going on. I stood up and shut the door. Dean finally stopped laughing nodding at Sam. Sam sighed then said, "Okay, look, you were right, I-I should've laid low, I— I know, I should've hung back, but I'm glad I was able to—" Sam started, but Dean pulled him into a hug, silencing him.

"What d'you say we find our prophet?" Dean asked, clapping Sam on the back and then he winked at me. I looked at Sam who looked at me. Dean walked out leaving us both in the kitchen very confused.

Sam shook his head and left me alone in the kitchen again. I sighed and finally settled on two day old pizza to eat. I grabbed three pieces from the box and put them on a plate, then I popped it into the microwave for a minute.

I couldn't stop thinking about what Charlie said. Me and Dean, liking each other. That couldn't be right. I get that Dean liked most girls because well, he was Dean. But that was a sexual thing. I liked him in a kind of way that was a lot like those gross romance novels. Where I may or may not have pictured him with a billowing open shirt, telling me that he wanted me and how he would die for me and all that cheesy grossness. It was all ooey gooey and that wasn't what he would want.

I took my pizza to my room and grabbed my computer to watch Gilmore Girls for the 4th time. I could have sworn Dean from that show looked exactly like how I thought Sam looked when he was younger. I was more of a Jess girl myself though. I finally got situated on my bed, the title song playing through my computer speakers, a plate of pizza balanced on my lap, when Dean walked in. He closed the door behind him. Then just stood there.

"Dean?"

"You kissed me." He seemed like this was almost shocking to him. I nodded in agreement. I was there after all. "Then you ran out of the room." I nodded again. "I've been trying to give you space to figure out what you want but I already know what I want so you're gonna sit there and listen to me."

I didn't quite understand what was happening. "Dean, I mean I get that I was kind of…" He cut me off.

"Listen. Just listen." I nodded and pressed the pause button on my computer. "You are 12 years younger than me. I watched you grow up. Bobby would kill me if he were still here." He ran a hand through his hair and started to pace. "I like you Louise. I think you're an awesome chick and you get the life." I squirmed. I hated just listening. I wanted to talk. "You're also the kind of girl who wants a real freakin relationship which I have no clue how to do. What do normal people even do? Movies and getting handsy on some outlook or parking lot in a parked car?"

I started to stand, but he put his hand up to stop me. "You deserve someone who knows what he's doing. Flowers and shit. But everytime I think about you with someone else, someone else's hands on your body," he shook his head like he was trying to get the image out of his head. "Look, I'm not saying I'd be perfect at it, I'm saying that I'm willing to try doing the whole relationship thing if that's what you want." He breathed. Then I breathed. We stared at each other for a long while. "Now you can say something."

"Are you just saying this so that you can have sex with me?" I asked. It was actually pretty big fear of mine.

He moved to the bed, sitting down and facing me. He put one hand on my cheek. "No," he breathed. "I want this, all of this with you, and if that means holding off on the one thing that is pretty epic, but also apparently a big deal for you, then no sex. I can, well I can try to deal with that. Just a lot of cold showers in my future." He smiled at me.

I bit my lip. This is everything I have ever wanted him to say to me, but it felt like a trick, like Ashton Kutcher was going to jump out of my closet and yell that I've been punked. "Please say something Sunshine before I feel like a bigger dumb ass than I already do.

"Alright." It was barely a whisper but he heard me. The smile on his face was huge and toothy. Then his lips crushed mine. It was sweet and strong and slow. He lowered me onto my back on the bed and the kiss deepened. His hands moved from my face to my sides, moving slowly along my side, make my whole body shake.

Then just like that he pulled back. He growled quietly. "Sorry Sunshine. If I am going to keep my word, we have to stop now." I laughed at his clear discomfort. He glared at me. "Scoot over Beautiful." I did, my cheeks heating at the term of endearment. "What are we watching?" he asked, swinging an arm over my shoulders, pulling me into him. He placed the laptop on his lap and I took a bite of pizza.

"Gilmore girls," I explained. Then I pressed play.

"That guy looks kind of like Sam," he commented.

I laughed. "His name is Dean."

Dean looked down at me. "So he is your favorite then." It wasn't a question, just a cocky statement.

"In your dreams Captain." I giggled.

We sat like that for a long time. I had finished my pizza a while ago and was more listening to his heartbeat than to the actual show. I snuck a peek at the beautiful man who just two hours earlier had come into my room and told me he wanted to try this relationship thing. I wasn't completely sure what that meant either. Dean's eyes where closed and he was snoring slightly. I smiled. I hadn't seen him this at peace in a while. I closed the computer and moved it to the side table. My movement was met with protests from the unconscious Dean. He pulled me closer to him and I could have died in that moment. I snuggled into him more, breathing in his scent of leather, sweat, gunpowder, and citerus. It was weird how much I liked it.

Soon after, I found my own eyelids getting heavier and heavier. Dean made a pretty great pillow. I fell asleep and for the first time in a long time I didn't have to imagine what falling asleep in his arms would feel like.

 **I'm sorry that this whole chapter is just from Lou's point of view, but I just felt like I couldn't add in Dean's because I was so stuck in Lou's head. Hope you guys liked the ending of this chapter.**


	12. Chapter 12

**So this might be a little late, which I am sorry about. I would love to say that I have been busy but that's a total lie. Mostly I've just been trying to figure out how this story is going to go. I keep planning it out, but when I sit down and write it changes. Ask Chuck, being a God of a world is hard. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter.**

 **Dean's POV**

I woke up after a night with no nightmare to find Lou curled up against me. There were worse ways to wake up. She looked… a little bit like a drunk toddler. Her mouth was hanging open, and drool was soaking through my shirt. Her hair was a nest for birds and twisted around her head. She was about a million degrees making me sweat lopsided. I didn't want to ever leave this bed. Even in her current...state, Lou still looked like sunshine with skin.

I brushed my knuckles down her arm lightly, feeling how soft she was against the my rough skin. She groaned slightly. She was never a morning person. I carefully shifted myself out from under her and out of bed. We didn't even have a blanket over us, I realized as I looked at her. Then I realized me staring at her while she was sleeping was vampire douche level creepy.

I went to the kitchen to make some coffee. Lou was the only one who hated drinking black coffee so we always had sugar or honey and cream in the bunker. As the coffee was brewing I wandered to the showers. As I stripped down so that I could shower, I realized that my shirt smelled like Lou. Some flower and vanilla. Sweet, just like her.

I thought about her dancing around in one of my shirts, it hitting just below that perfect little ass of hers. I thought about how she sat on tables instead of in chairs and how every once and a while I could catch a peak at the panties she was wearing. I thought about the night she kissed me and how she moved so slowly, stradling me. Then last night when my hands were roaming her sides as I kissed her. I turned the shower to cold.

I wanted to be a gentleman for her. She deserved someone like that. Someone who wouldn't jerk off in the shower at the thought of her. I bet that if she knew that that's what I was about to do she would never want to talk to me again. I couldn't have that. I needed her in my life. I showered quickly, pulling the shirt that smelled like her back on. I put on boxers and my dead guy robe and strode back into the kitchen. The coffee was done and I poured two cups, one for me and one for Lou. I made her's how she liked it. Sweet enough to send a kid into a frenzy.

I moved slowly back into her room where she was still sleeping. I put the coffees on the nightstand and sat down on the edge of the bed. While I was gone she had curled up into a ball, her knees under her chin. I sighed, running my hand across her messy hair. "Lou," my voice was almost a whisper. "Hey Sunshine." It came a little louder this time, enough to wake her.

She rubbed her sleepy hazel eyes and stared daggers at me. She grumbled out a harsh, "What?" and closed her eyes again. She had never been a morning person.

"Come on Lou, rise and shine." If it had been anyone else, well if it had been Sam, I would have yelled it to get my point across, but I didn't want to date Sam. I extended the coffee towards her as she rose up on her elbows. She took a quick sip, still not looking pleased with the fact she was awake.

"I hate you," she grumbled into her coffee.

"No you don't." I smiled at her and kissed the top of her head.

She didn't look me in the eye, just glared at her coffee. "Yeah maybe you're right. At least you made coffee."

I stood, taking my coffee with me. I had some work to do, a prophet to find. "I know how to take care of my girl," I explained as I kissed her head again. Before I left I looked back at a very grumpy Lou to see her blushing into her coffee. It made me smile.

I get dressed and headed to the war room, determined to find Kevin. That kid was our responsibility and even if he was playing hooky it was still too dangerous for him to be out there on his own. I tired Garth, again, but that bean pole wouldn't answer. I called most of the contacts that Garth knew through Bobby to see if anyone had heard from him but it was still a no.

Sam came in a few minutes later, hugging a blanket to him tightly. He looked really sick today, almost green. "Hey what are you doing?" He asked coughing halfway through the question.

"Just looking for Kevin. You doing alright?" He lifted his head slowly taking a seat at the table I was working at.

"Yeah just want to get to work." He squinted at the papers in front of him.

I sighed. Then I went into the kitchen to fix Sam something to eat. Dad would always make us this horrible stew thing that killed whatever illness we had just out of fear of having to taste it again.  
I was cooking it up when Lou walked in looking bright eyed, bushy tailed, and freshly showered. Her hair was still a little wet and it was swung over her shoulder. Her long bangs were moved out of her eyes. She was in jean shorts and a tank top with one of my flannels over it. I smiled at the sight. She looked good. "Whatcha doing Captain?" She asked as if we hadn't slept in the same bed together. I mean we had done that before kinda, falling asleep on the couch or something but it was different because… well it was just different.

"I'm making stew for Sam, he looks like hell, and not the fun kind."

"Is there a fun kind?" She raised an eyebrow at me. Then she was at my side, her arms wrapped themselves around my waist. I snaked an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to me.

"Well there is a strip club called Hell's Angels in Arizona," I quipped. She elbowed me in the side. "Ouch Sunshine." She glared up at me. "Oh come on, I've been going to stripclubs forever." It was like now that I was in a relationship she wanted to change me or something.

"I just thought that you wanting to be with me meant that you didn't need to go to stripclubs anymore." She pushed away to look me in the face. She was mad. Wait she was mad? I didn't freaking do anything!

"I wasn't saying I did want to go to one!" I yelled at her. "And no one needs to go to a stripclub except strippers. I like stripclubs, I like strippers. That's not going to change anytime soon Sunshine!"

She put her hands on her hips and leveled me with her gaze. Fuck. "Oh and I'm just suppose to put up with you misogynistic activities?" Was that a real question?

"You never seemed to have a problem with it before." We were fighting. Over freaking strippers and not in an awesome way.

"Of course not Dean, we weren't together!" She put emphasis on the last word.

"Awesome. So now what huh, you want me to be a freaking gentleman. Go all puppy dog like Sam and stop going to stripclubs? And what about my porn? Am I not allowed to look at that anymore either because I got you attached to my hip?"

"Busty Asian Beauties?" She pushed on my shoulders. "I don't know if you've noticed Deano but I'm not asian and I am a not so proud member of the itty bitty titty committee so yeah it'd be nice to no have to be reminded that you would prefer someone more endowed than me."

That floored me. What the hell was she talking about? She started to turn to walk away. "Hey!" She turned back to look at me. "Is that really what you think?" She just nodded. "Jesus Christ Lou. I like you. B cup and all I like you and I think that your boobs are freaking perfect. They are not the problem so don't drag them into this, they are perfectly innocent." I smiled to myself. "Though in that tank top, they aren't that innocent." I shook my head, getting back on track. "The problem is that you think I need fixing. Well news flash sweetheart, even if we get married, I'm still gonna like stripclubs and porn. That's just how I'm wired. But don't you dare think that means I'm not into you."

"The problem," she wasn't yelling anymore. Her voice just became hard and serious, "isn't that you're a pig, it's that I'm not enough for you." And then she stormed out of the kitchen. Fuck! How could she think that? Of course she was enough. I took a cup off the counter and threw it at the wall. It shattered.

I stacked water, saltine crackers, and the stew on a tray and carried it out to the war room. "Alright, here we go. John Winchester's famous cure-all kitchen sink stew. There you go. Enough cayenne pepper in there to burn your lips off, just like Dad used to make," I announced, putting the tray in front of Sam. He just pushed it away and went back to squinting at different documents relating to prophets and the demon tablet. "You want me to do the whole airplane thing with the spoon?" He only glared at me. "When was the last time you ate?"

"I- I don't…"

"Days, Sam. It's been three days." I pulled out a thermometer I was keeping in my pocket. I tried putting in Sam's mouth but the kid pulled away, looking offended.

"When'd you get that?" He hugged the blanket to himself a little tighter.

"When you started throwing off heat waves. Here." I pushed the thermometer on him again but he stood up, throwing the blanket off of his shoulders. He stumbled on his feet holding on to the edge of the table for support. I shot him a look.

"Enough, Dean. Please." Me, give up? Please.

"The bloody handkerchiefs, the fever, the shaky legs... this is not good." I put away the thermometer just because Sam was being a bitch about it.

"Well, I'm not good. And I'm not going to be good until we can start moving again. Until I can start the third trial," Sam said, trying to convince me all he needed was to work.

He was kidding right? "Trial? I wouldn't let you start a moped. We're on the rails with this thing, okay, and the only way out of it is through it, believe me, I know. And you know how bad I wanna slam the door on all those sons of bitches. But you gotta let me take care of you, man. You gotta let me help you get your strength back." I was practically begging.

"This isn't a cold. Or a fever, or whatever it is you're supposed to feed. This is part of it all. Those first two trials... they're not just things I did. They're doing something to me. They're changing me, Dean." I rolled my eyes, but he nodded anyway, sitting back down. He took a small pity spoon full of the stew and slurped from it. He grimaced and took a drink of the water on the tray. "So, uh, what's going on between you and Lou?" Nice change of subject Sam.

"I don't know what your talking about."

He gave me that look, the one with the tight lip thing and the Idon'tbelieveyou eyes. "Come on dude. I heard the whole argument." I just nodded. "So you two are together?" I shrugged. "She a virgin dude. You can't do this."

I glared at my baby brother. "What do you think I'm gonna do Sammy?"

He leveled me. "I think you're going to sleep with her, get bored, and she is going to run or you are and I will be left trying to pick up the pieces."

"It's not like that. I like Lou, you know that."

"Yeah, but she had a point," Sam argued.

"A point? What the hell are you talking about?"

He sighed. "Dean, you like women, and slutty women at that. Lou is not that kind of girl and we both know it. Is she really going to be enough for you?"

"I don't freaking believe it." I dragged a hand down my face. "Screw you."

"Come on Dean, I'm just saying…" my phone beeped cutting him off and telling me I had an email. I walked over to my computer, Sam followed.

I looked at my phone to see who had sent the email. "It's Kevin."

"Finally," Sam sighed, echoing my thoughts.

I opened the laptop to see the email. It said "WATCH THIS VIDEO NOW" so I clicked on it. Kevin's tired face looked back at me. I pressed play on the video.

"Sam, Lou, Dean," He started. I probably should have called Lou before pressing play, but it was a little late for that. "I've set up this message with some software on a remote server so it'd send itself to you if I didn't reset it with a command once a week. Which means I didn't reset it this week. And there's only one reason I wouldn't. Which means if you're watching this, then I... then I— I'm dead. I'm dead, you bastards!" No. "So screw you, screw God and everybody in between!" Video Kevin took a breath. I don't think I was breathing. "Crowley must've gotten to me. And the one thing I know is that I won't break this time. Not sure how I know, but— but I do. I've been uploading all my notes, the translations, I'm sending you the links so you can get all of it. You guys are gonna have to try to figure out the rest. I'm sorry." The kid was crying at this point. It broke my heart. "I know it was my job, but I— but I couldn't... I'm sorry."

Fuck! I don't know what happened, not really, but all the books and the documents on the table behind me ended up scattered on the floor. "Damn it!" My yell echoed through the bunker. Sam put a hand on my shoulder but I shoved it off.

There were footsteps running towards us and Lou popped into the war room, skidding to a stop. She looked at the stuff on the floor, then she looked at Sam, then she finally looked at me. Her face fell. She was terrible at hiding her emotions, she didn't even try. She looked at me with that pitying gaze she had and walked towards me. I brushed her off just like I did Sam.

"What happened?" She asked Sam. Sam! God, I can't even get a freaking relationship right.

"I think it's better if you watch it for yourself." Sam moved the computer towards Lou. That was a shit idea, she didn't need that. I grabbed the computer before Lou could press play on the video.

"She does not need to see that." My voice was low, and shaking ever so slightly. I pulled Lou in with one are and kissed the top of her head.

She looked up at me, her hazel eyes full of concern, they were also a little red and swollen. Had she been crying? "What's wrong?" She asked me. I breathed through my nose.

"Kevin, he uh…" I started but I couldn't say it. I couldn't break the news to her. She felt things so much, with her whole soul.

I looked to Sam who just nodded. "Kevin sent us an email saying that he was dead. I'm sorry Lou."

She didn't say anything for a long time. She just stood in my arms, perfectly still for a minute, maybe two. Then, so quiet I barely heard it, she whispered, "No." Then she shook her head. "No, he can't be dead." She looked at Sam. "Dead people can't send emails Sam."

He ran a hand along his face. "I know Lou. He put a video message on a timer. If he didn't reset it, it's come to us." She pushed away from me then, moving closer to Sam.

It was an interesting sight. She was so small compared to him, he towered over her, but her pure rage was radiating off of her making Sam slightly nervous. "I want to see the video."

I stepped in. "No. Absolutely not."

'Dean, I don't have time for your alpha male bullshit. I am going to watch that video because he sent it to us." She breathed through her nose. "Kevin was my friend ok? He was in advanced placement." She turned away, her hand on her forehead. "Ms. Tran is going to kill us," she muttered to herself. "Oh my god, we have to tell Ms. Tran." She just kept turning, muttering to herself. I placed my hands on her shoulders, forcing her to look at me. "Show me the video."

I nodded. There was nothing else I could do. Sam got the video up and she sat down in front of the computer to watch it. As it went on tears streamed down her face. She flinched when Kevin yelled from the computer. After it was over, she touched the screen where it showed his face, then slowly, her hands shaking, she closed the computer.

She finally stood up from her chair and looked at the ground. "I um," she started, her hands figiting, "I was going to do this tomorrow, but, since, I," she could barely speak through the tears her voice cracking. All I wanted was to hold her but I didn't know if that was something she would even want right now. She cleared her throat. "Since Kevin is no longer missing, he is just gone, I am going to leave now."

"What?" Sam and I yelled at the same time.

She looked at both of us like we were crazy. "Not forever. Just a week. It's October guys." Then it clicked. Every year like clockwork. The middle of October would roll around and she would take off for a week or so, no explanation, no reason, just gone.

"No." I was putting my foot down. "We need you. This is the home stretch. All hands on deck if we want to slam the gates on all those black eyed sons of bitches."

She spun on me. "You don't think I get that? You don't think I would love to see them all stuffed in hell forever? Sam could finally get better, we could focus more on the typical bump in the night and stop worrying about end of the world bullcrap. This week is mine though. It has been for five years now. The end of the world can wait!"

She tried to storm out but I grabbed her arm. "Hey! I get it. A break would be awesome but you don't see Sam or me trying to catch some r and r right now because we have a freaking job to do so stop acting like some spoiled kid and get with the program Sunshine." That came out harsher than I had meant it too.

 **Lou's POV**

I could not freaking believe him! He was so alpha male sometimes it was infuriating. It was like he couldn't remember anything about me before I turned 18. R and r? That's what he thought. He thought I just wanted a break? Fuck him!

He was right, but I still hated him just a little bit for it. My birthday seclusion was childish especially with everything that had been going on. So I didn't say anything. I just got on board with the plan.

Dean was calling everyone he had ever met, or Bobby had ever met, or John had ever met, to see if anyone had heard from or see Garth. So far no dice. Sam was busy printing out all the data and information that Kevin had up to this point, so that maybe we could try to figure out the third trial by ourselves without a prophet.

Dean was aggressively talking into his phone. "Yeah, I know you haven't seen him, Keel, nobody has. Alright, well, if you talk to Garth, well, just have him call in. Yeah." He hung up and looked at us.

Sam was the only one to answer the look. "Garth still MIA?" It was a very safe assumption.

"Yeah."

"How about the other prophets in line? I mean if Kevin is, uh... is dead," hearing it was like a roundhouse kick to the heart and a gut punch all at the same time, "then won't one of them be activated?" Sam had asked a decent question.

Dean sat back on one of the long tables and crossed his arms over his chest. He looked tired. "Nothing, no, not a peep." There was nothing to say so we all stayed quiet for a bit. "Here we are. No lead, no tablet, squat."

I chimed in, trying to take some weight off of his shoulders. I was mad at him sure, but I still cared about the guy, I wasn't going to let him carry it all by himself. "Well, I mean, we got all this." I picked up a stack of notes. Most of it didn't make much sense but at least it was something.

Dean sighed and then, so quietly, he lemeted in the typical Dean Winchester self blaming kind of way, "We should've moved him here."

After hours of sorting through the notes and three pots of coffee, Sam found something. "Hmm," he lifted different papers. "There it is again, every time."

Dean and I both looked up. My eyes felt like they were bleeding so I couldn't imagine how Dean was feeling when he just asked "Hmm?"

"This symbol? I know it." He showed us this symbol that was an upside down triangle with a hexagon in the middle, a large circle around that and three smaller circles crossing into the large circle at the bases of the triangle. "Now, Kevin has it down as, as sort of like a signature, for the Scribe of God. It appears every time Metatron makes one of his, uh, like, editor's notes."

Dean barley followed that and just shook his head, mumbling "Okay?"

Sam continued, "But I think I've seen it before. I mean, it was a long time ago, it was one of my, uh, humanities courses at Stanford." That's where Sam lost both of us.

Sam got up to look at some of the books behind him, clearly looking for something specific. I mean he was looking in the Native American section of the Men of Letters library. Dean couldn't quite deal. He looked at Sam like he had just said the easter bunny was real and stole candy from a four year old. "They taught Word of God at Stanford?" Dean stood up and walked over to Sam. I did the same, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear and bumping my hip on the edge of the table. I sucked in a swear that crept up my throat.

Sam looked at Dean incredulously, not noticing the table trying to impale me. "No, uh, it was an overview of Native American art—I think it's a petroglyph."

That was a big word. Dean pretended he didn't know big words. "A petro-what-now?" Sam ignored his brother and went back to looking for the right book.

A few minutes later he slammed old, large book on the table, it open to a page with the symbol on it. "This one belonged to a tiny tribe in Colorado, more of a— a clan, really. It says here they held onto their scrap of mountains when all the other tribes fell to the white men. So this glyph was a territorial marker—closest translation: "messenger of God"." He looked over at us with a sudden surprise on his face. "Messenger of God," he beamed at me. When I didn't react he turned to Dean. "Messenger of God—Dean, we have to go there!"

"On that hunch? You can barely function." Dean had his arms crossed over his dark navy blue button up that he wore over his black, tight, t-shirt. Why was it that everything he wore he looked good in? No I was mad at him.

"I'm only gonna get worse." Yeah not a good argument. Dean rubbed a hand on his face while Sam kept spitting crazy. "I mean, until we get back to the real job, until we find the third trial—we're out of prophets! We're not gonna figure out what Kevin couldn't! I'd say we go to this messenger of God who wrote it in the first place!" He moved his hair out of his face. He needed to shave, and maybe sleep, for a month.

"And you think this Metatron is hiding out in the mountains with a bunch of Indians." Dean seemed about as convinced as when I told him I could shoot a target from 50 yards. I was thirteen at the time and it was a total lie, but that's wasn't the point.

"Yeah! Yeah, I do."

I had to say something. "You're not— you're not really supposed to say Indians, it's…" Dean had turned to look at me, a softness in his eyes, but Sam cut me off.

"We should go." Then he just walked off, leaving Dean and me.

"You're delirious," Dean mumbled to the back off Sam. But he followed him anyway. To go grab his bag from his room I guessed. So we were going then. No real discussion. No one asking me what I thought. I sighed and made my way to my room to grab my bag too.

I made my way out of my room, trying not to think about Kevin, or the fact that Sam was just a ticking time bomb, or that Dean was being a jerk, or that my birthday was 5 days away. I ran smack into Dean's chest because I was so busy not thinking about anything that I also managed to not see either.

"Hey Dean." I didn't look him in the eyes. "You ready?"

He put his hands on my shoulders and I finally looked up at him. "Look, I'm really not good at this and I'm sorry for being a dick so yeah." He took his hands off me and I instantly felt cold.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"This morning with the strippers and the porn, I should have handled that better and I know that I can't tell you what to do and you had every right to watch that video from Kevin." He took a breath. "I'm really not good at chick-flick moments."

"I think that went well. And you're right." His ears perked up at this. Egos. "You are a dick." His face fell. "But, I shouldn't try to change who you are, just… I just think that if you need that stuff then I'm not enough for you and I know this moving slow thing is not your speed at all and it's okay if you don't want to try and make this work because I know I'm a lot of work and what if this doesn't work out? I mean, we didn't even think about how this would affect Sam and..." I could have kept going but Dean slammed his lips into mine.

My bag dropped to the floor as he slowly moved me so my back was flush against the wall. The kiss was powerful but slow and almost like he was trying to hold himself back. I moved with him, slowly. But I didn't like the restriction of being caged against the wall so I pushed ever so slightly on his chest, keeping our lips connected as I walked him backwards into the other wall. He groaned slightly into my mouth and I couldn't help but open it to him.

Instantly our tongues started fighting for dominance and he pulled my hips closer to him. I could feel him start to get hard beneath his jeans and heat flowed straight to my core. I pushed into him more, the wall supporting both of us. When his hands started to travel below my shirt I pulled away from him. "Slow down there Captain." I whispered. He moaned softly as though he couldn't stop himself.

"Whatever you say Sunshine." I wanted so badly to never stop kissing him. I wanted to never let go of him, but I pushed myself away from him, feeling empty and cold as I did.

"We should be heading out. Couple hours to Colorado." Neither of us moved for a minute.

Then Dean ran a hand down his face, trying to calm himself down I think, and nodded. He started to walk away and I grabbed my bag from the floor. Then he turned, stopping me in my tracks. He grabbed my bag and throw it over his own shoulder making me blush, then asked, "Do you want to drive?"

 **Hey everyone. I just want to take this time to thank everyone who had commented on this story for their kind words. It really brings a smile to my face and lets me know that yes, people are in fact reading my story which only makes me want to keep writing, if not for me then for you.**

 **I don't own supernatural or any of their characters. I just own Lou.**

 **Thank you all so much hopefully I will post the next chapter soon.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hi there everyone. I know it's been a hot minute since I posted a chapter. I could give you the typical I'm in college and school is tough and all that nonsense and even though it is true it doesn't make it any better that I left you guys hanging. So I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about that. Also happy New Year!**

 **So in this chapter I have to put in a TRIGGER WARNING. There is self harm in this chapter. I know that many people suffer from depression** **and anxiety** **as I do. Writing helps a lot with that and as any good writer, I write what I know. I tried not to go too in depth about it.**

 **Anyway, I hope you like it. Your comments and reviews always warm my heart. Thank you to everyone who reads this. Truly** **I don't deserve you all.**

 **I don't own Supernatural just Lou!**

 **XOXO Melody.**

 **Lou's POV**

We arrived in Colorado the next day, not stopping at all. Dean let me drive the whole way, but he drew the line when I wanted to play something made in my lifetime on the radio.

We pulled up to the Two Rivers Hotel off Route 34 in Colorado. Sam was asleep most of the way which was probably good. He didn't look like the bright eyed and bushy tailed giant I had grown up around.

I woke Sam up as Dean got out to open the door for me. Weird but nice. I noticed as I got out of the car that the "O" in the sign was flickering, and to my happy surprise the hotel was actually a stone building with fire escapes. I loved a good fire escape. Just the idea of them. If I ever actually had to use one because the building was on fire, I am pretty sure I'd die.

We all walked in to see the lobby had a bar in it, with no bartender and dust on all the glasses and the seats. The lobby itself was completely deserted.

"Nice place," Dean commented sarcastically. I flashed him a look of agreement. We looked around a little more, slot machines where everywhere and running but there was dust collecting on them. It must have cost a lot of money to have them running with no one playing them. We made our way to the front desk and Dean rang the bell twice and then a Native American man with long hair came out and stood on his side of the desk. "Morning. Hi. Uh, we'd like a room," Dean tried. The manager guy just looked at us all with that same blank stare he had when he first came out. "Here, please," Dean continued tapping on the desk.

I leaned on my elbows on the check in desk looking casually at Dean. He hadn't slept at all on the trip here, I think to make sure I didn't crash the Impala. That only happened once, and he never let me forget it.

I smiled as Dean looked over at me and shrugged his "what the fuck" shrug and the manager silently placed a sign in book in front of Dean. Then I remembered why we were here. Kevin was dead. If I hadn't been useless those few weeks, I might have been able to help the boys, Kevin might still be alive. Even though I knew Sam and Dean would argue, I still couldn't help but feel like Kevin's death was my fault.

Dean was signing us in, Ted Nugent (I rolled my eyes at this), when Sam, who had wandered a little bit away asked, "Did you hear that?" I looked at him, and it looked like he was developing dark circles under his eyes. I should be taking better care of him. Dean doesn't really know how to deal with a sick Sam, not to mention he can be a little overbearing. God, I was failing him, like I failed Kevin.

"Hear what?" I asked but he didn't answer me, he just shook his head and turned back around.

"He has the flu," Dean explained to the still mute manager.

The manger just scowled at us and handed Dean a key. I took it instead. "I'll take Sam to the room, you grab our bags." Dean raised an eyebrow but said nothing as he headed back outside to grab our bags. I placed a hand on Sam's back to get his attention and led him to an elevator. We made our way somewhat slowly to our room on the second floor. It was so quiet that the ding of the elevator sounded like a gunshot going off.

Sam found a bed and flopped down on it unceremoniously when we got into the room. I went to the bathroom to get him a glass of water. He was going to be fine, I kept telling myself. But he didn't look fine he looked like he was really sick. I placed the glass of water on his nightstand and sat on the other bed, just looking at him.

I went back into the bathroom with the purse I only ever carry when I get like this. It's nothing special just a canvas bucket bag that tangles itself up sometimes, but it does what it's meant to do. I sat down on the edge of the bathtub and fumbled to get the bag open when I heard Dean come in.

"Regular tourist mecca we got here. We're the only guests in this whole place. Last entry in the registry was in '06." I ran out of the bathroom to see Dean setting the bags down. "Since when do you carry a purse?" He pointed at the bag I held tight in my hand. He took a seat on the empty bed next to Sam.

I didn't have to answer because Sam started talking. "Hey, you remember when uh... when Dad took us to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, on that pack-mule ride?" I raised an eyebrow, feeling the color go from my face.

Dean seemed torn between talking to me and trying to figure out the hell Sam was talking about. "The what?"

Sam just continued on like he was drunk or high or really really out of it. "And you're, uh... your mule kept farting, just— l-letting go, like, gale force?" If he wasn't acting so weird and out of character it would have been funny, but unfortunately all I could feel was fear and panic that he wasn't going to get better and it was my fault. I should have done more, I should have been the one to do the trials. I was the most expendable part of the team and everyone knew it.

"Dude, you were like, four years old. I barely remember that." Dean seemed more annoyed then concerned but I knew that was just how he hid his real feelings.

Sam just laughed and closed his eyes. "You rode a farty donkey."

Dean looked back at me but I could tell he wasn't really looking at me. He was trying to figure things out in his head. "Okay. Uh, I'm gonna go check out the Two Rivers Tribal Museum and Trading Post." He pointed his thumb at the door behind him and I just nodded. He stood up to leave.

"Yeah. Yeah!" Sam agreed, sitting up in the bed and running a hand down his face trying to regain his composure. "I'm gonna— I'm gonna, uh. I'm gonna follow the hotel manager, Dr. Scowley-scowl. He's like a villain from Scooby-Doo." There goes his composure.

"No, hey, uh, little big man?" Dean put a hand on Sam's shoulder and Sam looked up at Dean with a crazed look on his face. "You should get some rest."

Sam nodded slightly. "Yeah I could do that too." Then he fell back on the bed and seemed to fall right asleep.

I still hadn't moved from my spot. Dean looked at me and paused. "Can you make sure he doesn't wander?" He seemed so concerned. The concern was because of me. Because last time he gave me the simple task of watching his brother, the person he loves most in this world, I dropped the ball and Sam ran out.

"Yeah," I croaked. I cleared my throat. "Yeah, you go. I've got this." I could feel the panic edging it's way towards the surface. If he didn't walk out that door soon I was going to break in front of him and I don't think I could handle it if he saw me like that.

He nodded. "Okay." And then he turned and walked out the door. As soon as the door closed I ran into the bathroom and broke down. I couldn't breath. I needed it. I just really needed it. I took my bag and sat down in the bathtub, the cold porcelain barely registering.

 **Dean's POV**

There was something going on with Lou. When I walked into the room she was all twitchy and hiding something. I hadn't seen her with a purse, ever, but whatever, chick stuff I guess. Maybe it was her time of the month or something.

I walked into the Two Rivers Tribal Museum and Trading Post and saw an older Indian guy with two braids in his hair.

"Hey uh, you work here?" I asked him as I walked in. I didn't really look at him, just around the "Museum" it was more like a mix between a gift shop and household decorations.

"Yes. Is there anything I can help you with?" The man asked. He spoke perfect English. The kind of bullshit English you got taught in high school or whatever. Not my glass of whiskey that's for sure.

"Yeah, uh, I was wondering what you could tell me about the Two Rivers Tribe. I'm writing an article about Original Settlers of the United States." I sounded like Sammy when I said shit like that but people just ate it up.

I picked up what looked like a hand carved wooden knife as the clerk began talking. "The people of the Two Rivers tribe came to this land centuries ago." I was still walking around looking at all the stuff in the shop, he paused so I looked at him. "A land that was harsh, and stony. But the mighty leader told his people that they must stay here. He claimed that this was the home on Earth of the great spirit's sacred messenger, and that if they'd make offerings, their blessings would be many."

That sounded like witchcraft or demons or some shit like that. "What were the offerings?" I asked him. My guess, virgins.

"Huh?" The clerk acted like he didn't understand the question.

I clarified, "Uh, what did the great spirit's sacred messenger ask for?" I gestured with my hands subconsciously, not believing in this "sacred messenger" bull. I wandered over to another wall of stuff and looked at it.

"Stories," the man said. I looked at a picture. Something about it caught my eye. "He asked the people to tell him stories." Then I figured it out. One of the guys in the old ass picture was the creepy non talking hotel manager that check us in.

"I bet I know what the blessings were."

 **Lou's POV**

I had stripped off my clothes. The jean shorts, the grey tank top, Dean's red flannel, all ended up on the floor of the bathroom. I was sitting in my underwear on the edge of the bathtub, a razorblade in my hand.

I wasn't quite sure how much time had passed, but the thoughts wouldn't go away. Nothing would stop. No matter how many times I made lines across my upper arms, my stomach, my upper thighs, nothing ever stopped. It never stopped. I needed everything to stop!

Kevin was dead and it was my fault! Sam was sick and it was my fault! Hell even Dean hated me. I wasn't pretty or easy or experienced or fun or funny or chesty or perfect. God, I should have never let Sam drag him away from Lisa! I screw everything up! Bobby is even dead because I was a moron about Dick Roman!

Everyone around me keeps dying! It's my fault! I'm cursed or something! I should have left the boys a long time ago. They would be better off without having to drag my deadweight around. If I weren't such a fucking coward I could do it, but no I had to drag everyone else into my mess of a life!

And I couldn't even handle it right. What the hell was I doing? Feeling sorry for myself in some gross bathroom? Bleeding all over the linoleum? What kind of person freaking does that? I was pathetic. Pathetic and useless. I'd all be easier if I was just dead. Dead and gone. Fucking pathetic. Useless. Horrible. What the hell was wrong with me? Broken. Broken. Broken! Broken!

The sound of a slamming door jolted me out of my own head. It also scared me so much I pushed harder on the blade and cut deeper into my thigh then I had meant to. The pain was instant. I could see white for a little bit in the deep cut on my right thigh. Then little by little, droplets of blood formed and filled the gash, spilling over the sides and running down and around my thigh. God that was deep.

"Dean?" I called, wondering if he was back. There was no answer. "Sam?" Still nothing. "Fuck!" I cursed myself. My pathetic ass couldn't even keep it together long enough to make sure a friendly drunk giant baby didn't wander off? Useless!

There was no time to do anything other than suck it up and pull on my tank top and my shorts. Blood smeared onto the clothes, soaking through the fabric in some places but that wasn't the problem right now.

I raced out of the bathroom, out of the hotel room, and after Sam. How could I lose him? How?

 **Dean's POV**

My phone rang. The caller I.D. said it was Sammy. What the hell was he doing up? "Sam?" I asked, but there was no answer. "Sam!" I yelled but there was nothing.

I was already close to the hotel room so I raced over there. "Where the hell is Lou?" I cursed under my breath. I opened the door to see Sam laying on the floor, no Lou in sight. I grabbed the thermometer from my bag and stuck it in Sam's mouth, slapping him gently, sorta, to try to get him to come to. I pulled the thing out of his mouth. "Son of a bitch!" 107℉! I ran out to the ice machine that was close and grabbed as much as I could. I made two trips total, dumping the ice into the bathtub. There was blood everywhere. Why was there blood everywhere? My flannel, the one Lou was wearing, was tossed on the floor. I couldn't worry about that. I turned on the cold water and let the tub fill up.

I ran over to Sam and heaved him into the ice bath. "Come on Sammy! Come on!"

Finally the kid opened his eyes and pushed at my arms. "Get off!" He scrambled out of the tub, his teeth chattering so hard he could have broken a tooth. He was moving too fast. I was worried he'd pass out again.

"Take it easy, Sam. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, take it easy, take it…" Sam wasn't really listening, sucking in breath and shivering. He looked like a giant wet dog. God it was fucking scary. I reached behind me for a towel and wrapped it around his shoulders. "Found you on the floor, passed out, your temperature was a 107. I had to force it down or you were toast," I explained to him.

The kid still wasn't listening to me. Awesome. He sucked in a quick breath. "He's here, Dean. Metatron is here, I know it, I can hear him."

"What're you talking about?"

"All I know is that I'm connected to it somehow."

"What, like you got a link to him, like a prophet?" I raised my eyebrows in suspicion. It would be just out luck if my baby brother turned out to be a prophet on top of every-freaking-thing else.

"I don't know! I just know he's here. Metatron is here."

"Okay, 'here' where?" I asked. He seemed sure.

"I can show you." He sucked in another shallow breath. "I can show you. The manager. He was delivering books to him." He was looking around like some wild man.

"Books?" What the hell was he talking about? This must have been the fever.

"Books. Hardcovers, paperbacks, novels—books!" He explained.

Then it all clicked into place. They weren't just books. "Stories."

Sam looked around again. "Where's Lou?" I was wondering the same thing. Maybe she took off. Maybe she took that week long break she was talking about. I didn't freaking know. All I knew is she bailed and Sam could've died!

"I don't know." Sam's temperature was already rising. He stopped shivering and his hair was drying. God he was burning up. I ran a hand through my hair. I couldn't focus. Not with Sam being sick and Lou being M.I.A. Not to mention all the freaking blood on the floor of the bathroom. None of this made sense. "You finish drying off, I'll give her a call." Sam just nodded and left the bathroom.

I took my phone out of my pocket and dialed Lou's number. It rang twice then, "Dean? Oh my gosh, Sam, I lost Sam. I've been looking all over the hotel, going floor to floor, just looking for him and I can't find him anywhere." She sounded panicked and frail like she'd been crying.

"Yeah?" I couldn't hide the anger in my voice. "Well I did find him, passed out and dying on the floor of the freaking hotel room!"

"Is he okay?" She asked. I could hear her voice shaking.

I kicked the bathtub. "Damn it Lou you had one freaking job. Keep my baby brother from wandering off and you couldn't even manage that," I yelled into the phone.

Her voice came through quiet and shaking. "I know, I'm sorry. I'm headed to you guys now."

I shook my head. "Don't bother. We are going to look for Metatron. Sam thinks he's here. I'll text you when we find him." I hung up then, fumming. Sam could have freaking died.

I walked out of the bathroom. Sam had thrown on some dry clothes and his hair was already dry. I frowned at this. It meant he was still throwing off heat waves.

"Come on let's go." I lead the way out of the door. "I should be taking you to the ER." I told him. He grabbed at the door and hugged the wall to keep vertical. Man I really should've taken him to the ER.

"They can't do anything for me." I followed him as he turned a corner on shaky legs. "You know, I've been remembering things, little things, so clearly—"

"What, donkey rides?" I asked curtly.

He ignored me. "You used to read to me, um, when I was little, I— I mean, really little, from that" I looked at him, he stumbled a bit and I put an arm out incase he was gonna collapse on me again. But he just kept going, "— from that old, uh... Classics Illustrated comic book. You remember that?" What the hell was he talking about? How the hell could he remember that shit?

"No."

"Knights of the Round Table." I rolled my eyes. "Had all of King Arthur's knights, and they were all on the quest for the Holy Grail. And I remember looking at this picture of Sir Galahad, and, and," He left the wall and blocked my path, turning to face me, "and he was kneeling, and— and light streaming over his face, and— I remember... thinking, uh, I could never go on a quest like that." What the hell was he going on about? "Because I'm not clean." I had to stop myself from yelling at him then. Clean? God I hated Azazel so freaking much. "I mean, I w— I was just a little kid. You think... maybe I knew? I mean, deep down, that— I had... demon blood in me, and about the evil of it, and that I'm— wasn't pure?"

I had to pick my words carefully. "Sam, it's not your fault." I had a hard time looking him in the eye.

"It doesn't matter anymore. Because these trials… they're purifying me." He looked so damaged as he turned and continued down the hall. WHat the hell was I supposed to say to some wack-a-doo shit like that?

We made it to the elevators at the end of the hallway. "They were here, the— the— the books, the boxes! They— they're gone." I looked at the door. It was cracked slightly.

I texted Lou to meet us at room 366 and then I pushed the door open, it creaked slightly and we walked in. The whole hotel room was filled with stacks of books taller than I was and wide as Baby. It was crazy how many books were in here. This was clearly a room of a man that never got laid.

We continued to make our way through the maze of books, I heard the gun cock before I saw it. I put an arm up to stop Sam from moving forward and anther arm between me and the old guy in the freaking cardigan aiming a double barrel shotgun at us.

"Who are you?" The guy asked, the barrel of the gun still trained on me.

"Metatron?" I asked my hands up in defence. "This is Metatron?" He didn't look like a freaking all powerful scribe of God. I looked at Sam. "This is Metatron?" I couldn't believe it.

"Sit down." Suddenly the little guy was behind us, pointing the gun still at me. Freaking angels! I backed up, putting myself between the gun and Sam. We sat in the chairs behind us. "Who sent you?"

Sam groaned in the chair next to me. "We came on our own. We're the Winchesters." The kid was holding his ear and nearly shouting.

I took over. "I'm Dean, this is Sam," I explained, motioning to us.

"You work for Michael? Or Lucifer?" Metatron asked. What? How could he not know about Michael and Lucifer and the freakin' apocalypse?

Before I could speak Sam yelled, "What, you really haven't heard of us? What kind of angel are you, we're— we're the freaking Winchesters." I shrugged agreeing with him.

I explained with the gun still trained on me. I felt more comfortable with it aimed at me then it aimed at Sam anyway. "Michael and Lucifer? T-those— those dudes are in the deep fryer."

"Yeah. We put them there ourselves." Sam added holding both of his ears now.

"What about Gabriel? And Raphael?" Metatron asked.

Sam shook his head. "Dead."

"You really don't know this?" It seemed nearly impossible that an angel wouldn't know this.

He shook his head. "I've been very careful."

Before I could ask any more Sam shouted, "Hey, can you— can you turn that down?" I looked at him. What was he talking about?

"Turn what dow— oh. You're resonating." Metatron said, looking like he just figured something out. He lowered the rifle.

I would have been relieved if I wasn't concerned. Resonating didn't sound good. "Resonating? What— what do you mean, resonating?"

"You've undertaken the trials." It wasn't really a question. "You're trying to pull one of the great levers, aren't you?" I swallowed a lump in my throat. "You're pretty far along, too. You get that far along, you start resonating with the Word. Or with its source on the material plane. With me." He had a smug smile that made me want to punch him in the face.

Instead I just asked, "You said you were being careful. Careful how?"

"I'm not one of them. I'm not an archangel. Really more run-of-the-mill. I worked in the secretarial pool before God chose me to take down the Word. Anyway, he... seemed very worried about his work, what would happen to it when he left, so he had me write down instructions. Then, he was gone. After that, the archangels took over." He pulled up a chair and pointed the gun at us again before sitting down. "And they cried, and they wailed. They wanted their father back. I mean, we all did. But then... then they started to scheme. The archangels decided if they couldn't have Dad, they'd take over the universe themselves. But they couldn't do anything that big without the Word of God. So I began to realize, maybe they would realize... they needed me." There was that smug look again.

I closed my eyes, processing everything. "So you get a ruffle in your feathers and just decide to disappear? Go stick your head in the sand, forever? You have no idea what's been going on out there."

He shook his head. "Nope." Who the hell does that? The smug smile came again, as if he thought was the smartest man, or uh, angel, that ever freaking lived. "That's the whole point."

Lou burst through the door then, her bangs covering her eyes slightly. There was blood on her clothes, her arms, her legs. There was a deep gash on her upper thigh. What the hell happened to her? She ran towards Sam, not even paying attention to the angel with a shotgun in the chair, or me.

"Oh my gosh," she breathed as she reached him. She knelt before him, putting her hands on his cheeks. She moved one hand to his forehead, feeling the temperature. She breathed in shakily. "Sammy why did you leave the room?" She didn't want an answer. She didn't really even need an answer. We both knew that. She let her head fall against his chest.

Sam looked down at her, his hands still covering his ears. He half shouted, "Lou! You told me you stopped." What was he talking about? "You said you'd come to me if things ever got this bad again." That's when I realized.

The blood was coming from perfect horizontal lines across her arms and legs. She did this to herself. She did this. And Sam knew about her hurting herself? How did I not know?

Metatron cleared his throat and Lou finally looked at him. He was pointing his gun at her now. "Who are you?"

She stood then, facing him, her face unreadable. Blood dripped down her leg but she didn't seem to notice. "I'm a friend of the Winchesters. Louise Tayler." She looked at me then, finally, "This is Metatron?"

"That's what I said," I scoffed. If it hadn't been for the gun aimed at my Sunshine I would have smiled.

"Sit down." He told her. She did. The gun followed her as she lowered herself to the floor. She winced as she did.

I spoke up, getting Metatron's attention back on me. "So you have been holed up here, or, or, or in a wigwam, or before that in some cave, listening to stories, reading books?" He smiled and lowered his gun.

"And it was something to watch." He licked his lips and looked at Lou, then back at me. "What you brought to His Earth, all the mayhem, the murder, the agony." He glanced at Lou again. I didn't like the way he was looking at her. "Just the raw, wild invention of God's naked apes... it was mind-blowing. But really... really, it was your storytelling." He got up then, waving his gun slightly. His finger was still on the trigger. "That is the true flower of free will. At least as you've mastered it so far. When you create stories, you become gods, of tiny, intricate dimensions unto themselves. So many worlds! I have read... as much as it's possible for an angel to read, and I haven't caught up."

"You know what?" Sam started, "Pull the frigging tigger." I raised my eyebrows at this. Lou craned her neck to look at him.

"What?" Metatron asked.

Sam got to his feet and walked towards Metatron. Lou barely had enough time to scramble out of the way."Pull the freaking trigger, you cowardly piece of garbage."

"Sam. Hey!" I tried, but he wasn't listening to me. Lou got up and grabbed his arm but he didn't stop.

Instead he took the barrel of Metatron's gun and put it against his chest. "All the time you've been hiding here, how much suffering have you read over? Humanity's suffering! And how much of it has been at the hands of your kind?!" He was getting to worked up. That gun needed to be away from him.

"C'mere, hey." I pushed Lou and Sam back and stood between them and the gun. "You want a story?" I asked Metatron. "Try Kevin Tran's story. He was just a kid. He was a good, straight-A kid, and then he got sucked in to all of this— this angel crap. He became a prophet, of the Word of God. Your prophet. Now, you should've been looking out for him, but no! Instead, you're here, holed up, reading books."

Sam chimed in, as angry as I was. "He's dead now. Because of you."

Metatron laughed then, "He's not dead."

It was Lou who asked the question, her voice so small and sad. "What?"

"Kevin Tran is not dead." Metatron said again.

"Where is he?" I asked, not even trying to be nice.

"He's hidden with some demon named Crowley. Well I can bring him here."

"Yes freaking do it!" I yelled at him.

There was a bright flash and I covered my eyes, then suddenly Kevin was laying on the floor. His neck was all bruised and he looked like hell. I felt for a pulse on his neck and found it. Alive. The kid was alive. I sighed and rested my head on his chest for a second. Lou was crying quietly behind Sam. I lifted the kid up and put him in the chair I had been sitting in. "Heal him," I told Metatron.

I moved out of the angel's way and grabbed Lou's hand in my own, she never took her eyes off Kevin. Metatron placed a glowing hand on his chest and they bruises went away. "Is that it? Is he good?"

Metatron looked at Kevin, "Give him a minute." He started to walk away but I grabbed his arm.

"Now fix her." I said pulling Lou closer to him. They were about the same height.

Lou wrenched her hand out of mine. "No." That was all she said before going to sit down next to Kevin on the floor.

Metatron continued walking so I followed the little bastard to the kitchen. I found him holding a glass. "How did you get past Crowley's angel-warding?"

"I'm the Scribe of God. I erased it," he answered as if it were obvious.

I leaned against the door frame. "But you saw, right? I mean, you— you're caught up on everything that's been going on. All the crap that your brethren's been doing to humanity all this time?"

"I saved the boy, didn't I?"

"But are you in? With us, I mean." How could he not be?

He ignored my question and asked one. "You really intend on closing the doors of Hell?"

I shrugged. "Seems like the thing to do, don't it?"

"It's your choice. And that's what this has all been about, the choices your kind make. But you're gonna have to weigh that choice. Ask yourself: what is it going to take to do this, and what will the world be like after it's done?" Sounded like he knew something. Douche!

Before I could ask him when he meant Sam called from the other room. "Dean? Dean!"

I ran back to see Kevin waking up, Lou standing over him. Some of her hair stuck to the dried blood on her arms. "Kevin?" He smiled at her.

I came up behind her. "Hey. I thought we lost you, kiddo."

"I'm good." He smiled but he didn't sound good. He reached into his jacket and pulled out the other half of the broken demon tablet. "Second half of the tablet. And I got it. Third trial. I didn't tell Crowley." He handed it to Lou who handed it to me as if it burned her hands.

"So what is it?" Sam asked.

Before Kevin could answer Metatron said, "To cure a demon." Of course he knew this whole damn time.

"Yeah," Kevin said. His eyebrows came together. "Who are you?"

 **Lou's POV**

Less than half an hour later we were on the road. Kevin was asleep in the back seat next to me and Dean was driving. He hadn't said a word to me since I said that I didn't want Metatron healing me.

Dean was talking to Sam though which I guess it was good that he was talking to someone. I had never told him that I cut myself. I mean it's not something anyone really wants to tell anyone let alone their crush, but this was definitely not how I wanted him to find out. I was biting my lip trying to figure out what to say to him.

"Cure a demon. Okay, ignoring the fact that I have no idea what that actually means, if we— if we do this, you get better, right? I mean, you stop trying to cough up a lung, and, and, and bumping into furniture?" I saw Dean look at Sam.

"I feel better, yeah, um, just having a direction to move in." Sam answered. He even looked a little less like death.

Dean sighed. "Well, good, cause where we're headed doesn't sound like a picnic."

"But we're heading somewhere. The end." Sick Sam was so dramatic.

Suddenly Dean slammed on the breaks sending me into the back of the front seat. I hissed at the pain that went through my body. Dean jumped out of the car so quickly, I think it was still moving a little. "Cas?" I heard him say. I looked out of the window to see Cas laying down, bloody and bruised.

"A little help, here?" He asked with a hint of annoyance. We all ran out of the car to help the angel into the back of the Impala. Kevin woke up just as we were placing him next to Kevin.

There was no room in the back seat for me anymore so I sat between the boys in the front seat. The trip back to the bunker was uncomfortably quiet and I knew that as soon as we got back, Dean was going to want to talk to me, and Kevin, and Cas. All of his friends, his family were hurt, and me hurting myself? Well that just added so much unneeded stress. I sighed, knowing this was somehow all my fault.


End file.
